It may seem a bit odd for a 20 year old male to be thinking about things this early, but since I look around and see so many people my age (and younger!) making stupid mistakes (e.g. there are 13 year olds sending nude photos, guys are going for girls who totally disrespect them and girls going for guys who disrespect them, 14 year olds having phones I didn't even get till my current age, etc.).
I worry about my future son/daughter turning out corrupt straight from the womb, as they say.
- What if they take the modern technology I got just now (like touch screen phones) for granted, and I have to work SUPER hard to satisfy them?
- I've made my share of online friends growing up, so I don't mind them having some internetz knowledge, but how can I be sure they won't run into weirdos?
- What if my child/teen gets caught up in the sexting/nude photos phase? (THERE ARE 13 YEAR OLDS DOING THAT NOW)
- I'm positive that their schoolmates will be trying to get them to watch all sorts of garbage shows, or listen to garbage music that they don't even like, just to fit in. How can I teach them that if their friends won't accept them for their own interests, that they're not their friends? Because I know that'll lead them to want all these expensive toys and stuff.
- Speaking of school, I want my son/daughter not to be one of the "popular/cool" kids who picks on those less fortunate, how can I make sure they get the message not to judge people based disabilities/skin color/even sexual orientation?
- How can I make sure they LISTEN to me when I'm trying to teach them street smarts?
- How do I teach my child not to throw such a fit over not always getting things s/he wants? I've seen kids cry in public stores and am so afraid of the day my son/daughter throws a fit in public.
- And I ESPECIALLY dread the day I have to teach them about sex. I know that you have to tell them at SOME point (otherwise they find out on their own, and then as such, make impulsive sexual decisions on their own), but how do I avoid doing it too soon or too late?
Moms/Dads, how have you managed to pass these curveballs of parenting? I feel that if I start increasing my knowledge on this subject now, that when the time eventually comes a few years down the road, I'll be fully ready to raise them the right way. I know you can't protect them from everything, and that sometimes they need to mess up here and there to learn, but I don't want my kid having a teen pregnancy, or trying to drink, or whatever.
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Comments (15)
Sweetie, this happens to every parent. But that's the thing, the answer to every single one of your questions lies with how you parent them. That it. You have to parent them a certain way if you don't want those things happening. Easier said than done, trust me. :D
I'm pregnant, and share many of your worries! I know we plan on limiting all media time for our kid, especially on school nights, only so much computer and TV time etc...
Also, I've noticed that a lot of the kids who do nasty things, either are very disconnected from their parents, or their parents do the same thing. So I think being involved and discouraging that behavior will do a lot just on its own.
Oh, and I know that if you nip that first tantrum in public in the bud, they tend not to continue. My husband is determined that if our kid does that, we are walking straight out of the store and then dolling out an appropriate punishment. If it is simply unacceptable at a young age, it will stop.
These are the kinds of things you really can't plan in advance.
1. There will always be new technology. Also, it is not your job to satisfy your child's technology wants. Your job is to raise the kid.
2. Supervise. And even without the internet, kids meet weirdos in real life. Like the homeless guy on the yellow scooter outside Baby Gym who always has two bottles of Magnum in the basket.
3. Pre-teens are obviously curious about sex. Because I was too afraid to ask anyone anything about anything, I had a lot of gaps as far as knowledge was concerned. I didn't understand how the parts went together until 8th grade. Sexting and nude photos? Monitor your kid's phone usage. Don't snoop, and be sure to mention the legal/embarrassing repercussions of sending naked pictures.
4. It's called peer pressure, and it will never go away. We all learn in time who real friends are. As for wanting things? The answer is a firm "No, you cannot have that." You don't even have to explain why. You're the parent.
5. Take your kid around lots of people. Visit soup kitchens, the park, a learning center for people with disabilities, etc. I personally learned a lot about people from being in daycare as a child.
6. There's no surefire way to make sure a kid listens to you. My mom made me fear her, but I still had to find out she was right the hard way: by making mistakes. You just have to be there to catch your child when he/she falls.
7. Toddlers will always throw fits. There are many ways to approach that, and if you do it right at a young age, no fits in public past a certain age. My mom dragged us out of the store while threatening to beat our asses.
8. Make sure your kids always know, right from the start of talking, that you are open for questions. When they start asking, start answering, age appropriately of course. If you don't feel they need to know the answer to a question, don't shoot them down because then they don't ask anymore. Trust me, you don't want your kid learning about sex from somebody else. I learned on the schoolbus, and I was way off base for several years afterward.
As a side note, drinking is not the worst thing that can happen to your kid, and there's plenty to teach aside from safe sex and abstinence. My brother's girlfriend got pregnant on purpose. No way to plan for that in sex ed talks, is there?
Always communicate. Always love. (sometimes, you won't like them much, but love is a decision that you make day by day.) All the rest is detail. I used to have these fears, especially since I was abused as a child and thought I wouldn't be able to break the cycle. As it turned out, my teens tell me that I'm a cool mom and that they love me.
I recommend a great book: Six-Point
Plan for Raising Happy, Healthy Children by John Rosemond It really helped me to gain confidence.
You can't control your child's choices and they're sure to make bad ones as they grow up, but you CAN control the environment in which they grow up to a certain extent. If you don't want them to take certain things for granted, then make sure they don't have 24/7 access to those certain things. Don't buy them every little thing that they ask for; make them work for things. Don't let them run the house hold. You're the parent and you can say no to something you feel will not benefit them or will give them a sour, spoiled attitude. At the same time, you can keep communication open and let your kids know your reasons. As for a lot of the other issues, I really like the book "Boundaries with kids: when to say yes and how to say no"
I will let the universe raise any offspring I have, because I do not deserve such joys. Nor could I handle them. So I'm preventing that from ever happening mwuahahahah
My worry: what if I have a son and he turns out exactly like Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes?
very interesting
@AWaters@xanga - Very disconnected or too connected. My mother is in my business all of the time, and I just want a chance to breathe. I hide a lot of stuff from her because she wants to be too involved, and she thinks that I'm doing "nasty" things because I didn't tell her the last time I took a poop. I'm disconnected, and she's too connected. She snoops, and has my teachers (mind you, I'm graduating this year) e-mailing her about things I do/say in class. I think if she took a step back and acted interested in what I had to tell her (cause what I do is the last thing that she cares about) that we'd have a much healthier relationship. I digress though.
A.J.- I'm terrified of these things too, and I'm only 17. You'll do fine. I'll assume you had great teachers, and they'll always be there for help. (: (And for the thing about technology, start them off basic. My kid isn't getting the new 3DWii with a built in microwave, or whatever is out now. He's getting a NES, and working his way up. lol)
You're not too young. As a fifteen year old, I have these worries everyday. I look around me at peers and just see chaos. I don't want my kids getting into society's "norms."
You just have to stop worrying, and ACT the way you want your kids to "turn out."
Goodluck, and I'm glad someone else is looking ahead like I am. :)
Legitimate worries. These are scary thoughts...
I think a lot of children turn 'corrupt', and 'nasty'... all you can do as a parent is try to instill good and proper values in them at a very young age. Be level and logical, a fair parent... teach kids things like "this is yours, but it's also everyone else's" (sharing), "We never, ever hit other people" (non-violence)....things like that... don't neglect, care for your children always and they will learn to be caring in return... you don't have to express things of a sexual nature, but don't deny your child information; just try to explain it in a brief, scientific way perhaps? Uh... teach the child that his/her body is a private thing and they should keep it to themselves; when they get older they may decide to share it with someone..... [dunno > <]
Teach love for others no matter what...don't curse around children... and they may learn bad things from other kids but if you raise them right, hopefully they will know where to draw the line and how to act.
I think it is very possible to raise a good child. When your time comes,
@Kamiekirk@xanga - Yeah this. 'chaos' is the perfect way to describe the state of the world. Heheh. It's getting worse...
If it makes you feel any better, my mom's life went down the drain when she first found out she was pregnant with me. I'm an accident baby, and she lost her job, her friends, her figure, and her sanity. She tried killing herself everyday, and she had post-partum depression. She prayed and prayed I was a girl, because every single doctor told my parents I was a boy. I came out a girl, and she keeps telling me I'm a gift from God. The thing is, I have two older brothers, and she was just worried that I'd be a hassle like that. I'm an emotional roller coaster, but it was just a challenge for her to overcome. It's parenting.
bro, just be their role model.
you sound like a nervous wreck though...consider not having kids?
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