Thursday, 27 May 2010
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Stirring the Pot: My Two Cents
So for reasons that escape me, I happened to read the post Your Parents Will Love You a Little Less. In the interest of full disclosure, I only read as far as the one about children with disabilities.
The writer states a few things that frankly I have to strongly disagree on. First, just because my daughter has Down syndrome does not mean she will automatically be "socially excluded". Welcome to the 21st century where not only are children like Emily being mainstreamed, they are sometimes doing better than "typical" kids.
My oldest daughter works as a peer tutor in her high school. She works with kids with all kinds of different disabilities. Far from being socially excluded, these kids are included in all things. I have witnessed all different types (jock, cheerleader, student council kid, etc) talking and having lunch with the "different" kids often. Times have changed and it is time that the adults began to pay attention to what our children are teaching us.
She also mentioned that parents of a disabled child distant themselves from the child and don't really view them as their child. I don't know who she has had the displeasure of meeting, but in my world (which is full of parents with children just like Em) that could not be any farther from the truth.
Anyone whom has read my blog even once knows how very much Emily is loved. I highly doubt that I am the exception. I do understand that some people will decide to terminate when facing the diagnosis of Down syndrome, but that doesn't mean those of us that made the choice to continue the pregnancy view our children as less than worth it. The blogger stated she based that theory off of ONE blog she read in which the mother chose to abort when it was discovered her child would be born with a disability. Sadly that does happen and far too often in my opinion, but what does her decision have to do with how I feel about MY daughter?
My daughter is the most wonderful gift our family has ever been given. It is not only her father and I that adore her beyond reason, her siblings think she is pretty darn special too. As a matter of fact, anyone that has had the pleasure of meeting my little beauty queen comes away hopelessly in love.
Everyone is of course entitled to their opinions, and in all honesty, the blogger made some valid points on other topics. On this particular topic though, she missed the mark. Disability does not equal isolation nor does it equal parents whom view the child has a burden.
My only burden with Emily is trying to keep her from eating all the chips while I sit here and rant about a very sensitive topic.
Stepping off soapbox now.
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About the Author
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- From: gwacemom
- Name: Ange
- About Me: I am a mom of five gorgeous kids. I may not always do things the "normal" way, but I always try and do right. I am passionate about raising awareness for Down syndrome and for CHD (congenital heart defects). The beautiful girl in my profile picture is the reason. She is the face of Down syndrome. Not at all what you expected, is it?
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Comments (13)
You know, Em's just trying to help you with the fitness plan; if she eats all the chips, think of calories she'll save you!
I appreciate this response but I consider it a bit unnecessary in all honesty. No one said YOU didn't love your child. She was just saying that it is possible for parents to love their child less because of disabilities and the other reasons, and that they do exist, that's all. And it's true. I think her blog was basically a response to the errant attitudes and statements that all parents love their children unconditionally, and listing some of the reasons why that could be in some cases. I really don't think she meant to say disabled children are unlovable and that no one could love them, ever. Anyone that reads your blogs knows you love Emily. :)
@filtered_sunlight - LOL, I am sure she was only thinking of my thighs. Such a sweet girl.
@BohemianLotus@xanga - Admittedly, I said in my comment to her post that I thought she had some valid points on some of the other areas. For me it was the sweeping statement that parents of a child with a disability didn't feel connected to the child, etc. Had the statement been something like "some parents..." I wouldn't have felt the need to respond.
I don't think she was saying anything about disablied children being unloveable either, I just felt that she was too broad with her statements.
@gwacemom - I agree with you, and think it's great you posted this sort of in response. People who don't have experience in things like this shouldn't consider themselves experts, or tell others what it will be like or feel like.
Your daughter is beautiful, by the way. I love her pouty little bow lips. Aww. People get plastic surgery for those cupid bows. Sweet.
@sarahsmurfette@xanga - Thank you. I do love her lips.
I'm so glad this got featured on Momaroo. It's definitely something that needed to be said. I think if she had been a little more specific in saying "this isn't all parents, but there are some parents like this", I would have understood the point of the blog. Essentially, she said that all parents are liars if they say they love their children unconditionally. That ticked me off.
I'm subscribed to her blog and read her posts often. I don't think that's what she meant at ALL. She could have phrased some of her thoughts differently, yes - because some of her wording gave the impression she thought all parents were that way. But all she meant was that it CAN happen, and that it sucks.
When it comes down to it, I agree with her - I have seen it happen. In working in daycares and with disabled children, I have seen parents think of their kids as "burdens." I have seen parents of gay friends completely disown and cut off their child due to their sexuality. I have seen parents beat their children, telling them that they don't love them, and that they wish they hadn't been born. This DOES exists, because there are some shitty parents out there.
Cut the girl a little slack.
@CaffeineClarity@xanga - I agree with you totally. I tried to say more than once that I did agree with her on some of her points. I think the problem was, her wording was so sweeping and I just wanted to point out that it isn't like that for all of us.
@gwacemom - I agree on that point.
@CaffeineClarity@xanga - The existence of it does not mean it is to be expected, accepted, or thought of as normal. That was my problem with it. It is disfunctional to treat your kids that way or feel that way towards them. It is mental and emotional unhealthiness and should be portrayed as such.
ALL THE CHIPS?!?!?! What kind of a mother ARE you?? Geese Louise. :p
Just here to stalk you.... lol