Wednesday, 26 May 2010
Parents are supposed to love their children unconditionally, no matter what kind of flaws they hold, or what kind of mistakes they're bound to make in their lifetime of opportunities. I don't think that there is a single Mother or Father out there who doesn't swear left, down and diagonally that they will always love and care for their child(ren) through everything.
Honestly, I challenge you to find a parent who tells you that they will not love their child always and unconditionally. It would be almost the same as our Prime Minister telling us everything is going to be all right in the middle of a war. No parents do not in fact love their kids regardless of all things, and no everything wouldn't be okay.
However, reading and looking through all sorts of xanga posts, and posts elsewhere as well, it looks to me as if a parent's love is all just a mythical legend. It is just an idea or concept that parents have developed over the years purely because they assume that their child will be the perfect one, and until said child makes a mistake the parent doesn't realize that there are qualities and mistakes that will make them love their child a little less. When in fact, below I have listed six of the reasons a parent may love their child a little less as opposed to loving them always.
In some families religion is what connects them to one another, and in some religions if you go outside of your views and faith you can be excommunicated from your family or your church, even if you haven't done something wrong. Having sex before marriage, loving someone of the same gender, loving another God, believing that there is no God. Most cases of Parents not showing as much love for their children when it comes to religion, is when the child finds that they do not support the same religion of the generations before them and instead believe something else. For example: A Catholic family and a son/daughter who believes in Scientology. Not only does it go as far as to say that they won't love him as much because of it, but they also will lose any respect they had for that child because they will see it as childish and silly - as opposed to being proud of a child who was capable of not following the crowd.
This one speaks mostly for itself. Unfortunately, "Some 200 million children, meaning 10% of the world's youth are born with a disability or become disabled before the age of 18". Apart from guaranteed social exclusion - children with disabilities are special and they have special needs - this doesn't make them any less lovable. Some parents feel detached from their children with a disability because they struggle to provide and to care for the child, a lot of times finding it extremely hard to handle and unworth all of the difficulties. For example: A child with autism, they need structure and obedience and often times they have fits that result in uncontrollable behaviour. Mothers and Fathers of children with disabilities rarely care much for that child at all, let alone see them as their child - instead most parents see them as a burden in need of constant supervision. Another example: There was a post on xanga a while ago about a woman who aborted her child because she found it was going to be disabled. Again, parents will find reasons to love their child a little less - even if they weren't looking.
The Divorce Parent Effect:
Now this one I kind of find amusing, when it comes to divorce Mom and Dad are always on opposing sides, rarely is it ever a nice occurrence to sit through a divorce. Generally the home life of a child is going to be difficult going back and forth, in some cases the child is forced to stay at one home as opposed to the other. For example: the child is deemed to live with their mother by the court. What the court doesn't realize is that if the Mother feels hatred towards the father or any negative emotions really, such as hurt, indifference, Anger - those emotions will come out when the child displays qualities of the other parents. For example, the child is acting like his father, mother notices the similarities and all of those hoarded emotions spiral onto the child. This is one of the more sad cases of "Parents loving their child a little less because the child resembles the biological DNA of his Father."
It's an everyday occurrence, parents discovering that their children aren't in fact perfect, or angels from some other dimension that they had created in their mind. For example, a child who isn't exactly a "Straight A" student, and instead finds themselves in mischief as opposed to English Class. Another example could be a parent who finds that their child isn't living up to their Godly expectations. Unfortunately the latter is what I grew up with, "Melissa, an A is not an A+" All parents have great and unattainable hopes, dreams and expectations for their children, sometimes they even have the gull to place their own dreams on said child. If the children don't seem to be living up to the expectations placed upon them at birth to be perfect than a parent is going to feel resentment, they are going to feel as though the child has betrayed them in some form or another and will in fact begin to love that child a little less because they realize that the child isn't anything special. Even if they are very special.
In several if not many cases of parental hatred, the parent blames the child for some reason or another. Maybe the child's existence was an inconvenience from the start but there were no other options. A lot of parents can't accept blame for some of their own mistakes and failures so when it comes time to "point the finger" they place all of those negative thoughts and depictions on said child. Leaving the parent to eventually convince themselves that it was in fact the child who is to blame for why they have no money, or no food, or no significant other in their lives. When in all honesty - it wasn't in fact the child's fault, but the child will also grow to believe that it was in fact them that burdened their family. Making of course, the parent love their child a little less, or not at all.
Sounds kind of ridiculous doesn't it? A Mother, father, or guardian jealous of their own flesh and blood? Sadly enough it is true and it does in fact impact the relationship between said parent and child. No relationship whether family or otherwise oriented can sustain a jealous threshold. In many cases, a mother become jealous because the daughter she finds is far more beautiful and/or talented than she is or ever was. In the case of a Father becoming jealous, it is usually due to the son or daughter becoming more successful than he. In one case in 2003 a mother, Terri Milbrandt, decided to tell her daughter that she had Leukemia, out of spite and greed. Sources say it looked like she did it purely for the money, where as Psychiatrists find it to be an underlining jealousy in her relationship with her daughter. Another case of a Parent loving their child a little less.
This is a BIG one. I'm purely stating the obvious, a lot of parents find out and immediately the child because homeless and without the love of a parent. Apparently, being who you are isn't going to make your Mother or Father love you, and I realize many people, more so parents or parental figures will defend themselves by stating that they are not a statistic and in fact they say: "I won't be like that with my child" or, "I don't care who they sleep with".
When they tell you they are gay and like sleeping with men, and you have either accepted it then you may come to me and tell me you are still okay with it. 26% of LGBTQ youth report being kicked out because of their parents reaction or disappointment towards their sexuality. 56% of parents admit that they will or have kicked their child out of the house if they were to come to them about their sexual orientation. That is beyond the majority of parents. Looks like these parents are going to love their child a little less.
So there you have it. Parents won't necessarily love a child unconditionally. When you hear someone saying "I will always love my son/daughter no matter what", "They could never do anything wrong i my eyes", "I could care less what they do with their lives so long as they're happy" I wish that were the case, "So Long as their happy" but it never is. So I can't stand when people swear to be different and to love always and whole-heartedly, because they aren't necessarily telling the truth. Liars aren't very likable, especially when it comes to the likes of innocent children.
What do you think of parents incapable of truly loving their children? Do you think that your parents in some way, fall under one of these categories? If so, list them.