Sunday, 23 May 2010
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My Abortion Story
I was nineteen, and was attending college across the country from home. I was on a full scholarship, one of those promising middle-income students from a two-parent family--an unlikely statistic for teen pregnancy. Yet, I knew I was in no position to raise a child. I had no income aside from my summer job, which paid minimum wage, and my boyfriend was in a similar position. I would have nowhere to live, no family to turn to for support. I wouldn't be able to give my child any kind of decent home at all.
These were all things I knew intimately and forcefully as soon as I saw the pregnancy test read positive.
My boyfriend told me that no matter what I decided to do, he would support me fully. It was truly my choice--THAT choice, the choice that people who are "pro-choice" say every woman ought to have the right to make.
I had put myself in a corner, and as difficult as it was, I could see no other options but to have an abortion, or to put my baby up for adoption when the time came. I thought about my morals; I thought about what I was and wasn't willing to do, and why. In the end, I chose what I felt to be the lesser of two evils.
The US Department of Health and Human services reports that for the past 10 years in the foster care system, over 130,000 children per year have been awaiting adoption, while just over 50,000 are adopted annually. For me, putting my child up for adoption would be cowardly. Irresponsible. It would be passing my problem on to other people, to society, to the thousands of children already waiting to be adopted, just so that I could spare myself and my conscience the pain of constantly knowing that I had done the unthinkable.
I had my abortion at eight weeks.
I know what I did. I terminated a life that would one day have been my son or my daughter, in a process that can only be described crudely as having the contents of my uterus sucked out through a tube. What can I say to defend myself?
Nothing, really. I can only say that I faced my decision squarely, that although I felt as if my soul would wither up and die, I didn't look away while the technician performed the pre-abortion ultrasound. "That's the pregnancy," she said, pointing to a little bump in the corner of the image. It looked like a pea. (Oh, little bump. If you only knew how much your father and I loved you, despite how hard we tried not to while I was awaiting my appointment. You didn't suffer, though, I hope--and I am glad.)
I don't know, and will never know, if I made the right decision. That is up to God, or the universe, or fate.
Note from Momaroo Team: We understand what an incredibly sensitive and personal topic abortion is. We decided to share this post with the Momaroo community because it gives a rare glimpse into a reader's experience with abortion. Whatever your feelings about abortion may be, we hope everyone will keep the conversation respectful about this difficult topic.
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About the Author
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- From: badhattitude@xanga
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Comments (588)
yea this is a sensitive topic. Not just for other viewers that may get offended, but the mother. Its hard and when other people give them crap for having an abortion, its even harder on them.
Either way, good luck sweetie. Whatever happens is meant to happen...
selfish. so incredibly selfish. if you were mature enough to have sex, you should have been mature enough to deal with a child.
@miniskirts_tightshirts@xanga - Like the article said, try to be respectful.
@miniskirts_tightshirts@xanga - Having children isn't the only reason people have sex-we're not cavemen anymore.
And until you're in her position, I don't think you have any right to call her selfish.
I couldnt have done it I got pregnant at 18 and i thought about the abortion even though I had always been against it and in the end my morals won out school put on hold and I had a baby and its tough but great now we arent in the perfect situation by all means but hes happy and I am happy most the time so for now we stick it out.
yes, but we've all been born with "freedom of speech."
@TheThinkingPerson@xanga - i don't have to be in the shoes of a rapist to know that raping someone is wrong.
You are incredibly brave for sharing your story so publicly.
I'm also glad that Momaroo is trying to encourage people to be respectful. It's just sad and pathetic that that is so hard of a concept for some to understand. *rolls eyes*
I say kudos to you for standing up for what you thought was the best decision at the time and for posting about it. It makes you a stronger woman in my eyes.
This took a lot of courage to post. While not everyone will agree with your decision, at least you had a choice in the matter. I am pro-life for myself, but i think that every woman has the right to make her own decision. We haven't walked in your shoes, so we don't know. Thanks for sharing your story.
@Megan@revelife - One can disagree with a person's choice without name calling or bashing their character. There is a respectful way to disagree with something.
@miniskirts_tightshirts@xanga - That's different. Rape is involuntary an involves harm on to another person. Abortion is a choice that a woman makes.
@Megan@revelife - You don't? One commenter called her "incredibly selfish and Immature". You think that's respectful? She obviously has the freedom to do that here if she so wishes as do you, but still, I think it's a good thing to respectfully disagree with someone without stooping to that level.
@Brilliant_Innocence@xanga - i called her selfish, not immature, but good job reading.
@Megan@revelife - preach, sista ! you're spot-on. they only want feedback if it's what they want to hear.
@TheThinkingPerson@xanga - ....yes, and that takes away the life of a human being. who are you to decide whether murder or sexual/emotional torture is worse?
I wish you well in life. I have always supported a woman's right to choose. I know this choice was not an easy one for you. It took courage to share your story.
Much like the editors requested, could we please keep it civil? You have the right to disagree, but calling someone names is not helping anyone's cause.
@Brilliant_Innocence@xanga - and yes, calling someone "selfish" is one of the most disrespectful words that i could have said. yes, that's it.
I am pro-life, but I feel for the author. I know this is a tough decision, and I certainly don't condemn her. There's one fallacy that I want to clear up, though.
When you adopt an infant strait from birth, that baby does NOT go into the foster care/adoption system. I see it over and over again, and this simply isn't true. SO MANY FAMILIES want bran new infants, and they're adopted almost immediately upon birth. The way it goes is a pregnant woman finds an adoption agency sometime early in her pregnancy. With the best adoption agencies, you're given a large number of couples from which YOU SELECT the parents of your child. These people are then apart of the pregnancy from that point on. You meet them before the baby is born, you converse with them through phone and email, and they are there when the baby is born. After the baby is born, in most states they stay with you (and the baby) for at least 10 days before the adoption is final. The only thing that gets in the way of the adoption is if the birth mother decides against the adoption during those 10 days. The adoptive parents very very rarely back out, because they want that baby so very badly. Even if they did back out for some obscure reason, there would be 10 other families there and waiting to adopt that beautiful infant. New born infants are NOT put into the foster care system.
Foster children usually come from very different circumstances. Generally they are older children who lived with inadequate parents, and they've been taken away. In the rare cases of infants going into the foster care system, it's when the birth mother hasn't taken the appropriate steps such as finding an adoption agency and such, and just shows up at the hospital and essentially leaves the baby or they are clearly unable to care for the infant (such as a drub or alcohol problem).
If you choose to put your baby up for adoption while your pregnant, you will find great adoptive parents who really, really want an opportunity to be parents, and your child certainly won't find themselves in the foster care system.
I don't agree @ all with your decision, but thanks for sharing. I got pregnant at 18 and yes, it was VERY hard...but we made it. I look at my almost 4 year old now and can't imagine life without her. I don't want women thinking they can't do this at 18. YOU CAN. You might have to give up a few things, but it can be done.
@musical_manda@xanga - Thanks for clearing that up, I was going to point that out as well.
I think it's tragic that the author thought this was her only option, but at least that little angel is in a better place now.
I'm confused as to how you say you loved your "little bump" but you felt it was ok to abort him/her. I'm trying to be as even as possible in what I write here, because I know it is sensitive. It's just not something I can fathom. If you love someone, how can you kill them just because they don't fit into your life "right" at the time?
You adapt. You make it work. People do it all the time. In all kinds of relationships. You don't throw someone in the trash because it is hard. I don't understand...
A lot of thoughts came to my mind while I read this post. I strongly disagree that abortion was the lesser of the two "evils". I don't consider adoption evil at all; ask all the childless couples who desperately wanted the child you didn't want.
@sarahsmurfette@xanga - I saw your comment just after I posted mine and I wanted to say I heartily agree. I think the whole story is tragic.
@miniskirts_tightshirts@xanga - I could get into a huge abortion debate right now, but i'll just state my opinion and not respond to any further comments:
I believe life begins when the baby is born. Logically, you can't murder something that isn't alive, and we consider something alive, by definition, when it has been born.