Wednesday, 17 March 2010

• A Letter to My Daughter

  
  

  10 March 2010

  Hey Kiddo,

  It's unbelievable that you are nine years old today.  My goodness, where has the time gone?  I can't begin to tell you how much I miss you today.  This is the first birthday that you have ever spent away from me, but I'm sure that your Daddy is making it a good one for you.  It's good for the two of you to share special days like this.  After I put your little sister down for bed tonight, I got out some of your old baby photos and sifted through them, spreading them out on the floor around me, carefully picking each one up and admiring them.  I smiled, I laughed, I cried... but they were happy tears.  You might think that I'm crazy, but you'll understand one day.
  

  This phrase is used all too often, but it is true that words cannot express my love for you, sweet baby.  No, no... at the grown up age of nine, I suppose that you would wrinkle your nose at that term of endearment, but you will always be my "sweet baby," even when you are ninety-seven years old.  Holding you in my arms that first night, only seconds old, was the first time in my life that I had ever truly felt unconditional love.  That love will never fade, my darling.  I hope that you know that. 
  

  You are growing up and starting to realize that you have a mind of your own.  You're pushing limits, testing boundaries.  Nothing out of the ordinary for your age -- at least not yet.  You are a good girl.  I am trying my best to lead you in the right direction and help you grow into a bright, responsible young lady.  No matter how frustrated we may become with each other, that unconditional love will never fade.  There may be days that you do not like me very much, but you must know that I will always love you.  Always.  Remember that when you are sixteen.

  It brings tears to my eyes to think about what a lovely young lady you have become.  You're beautiful, inside and out.  Never have I met such a caring child as you.  You have had a difficult year; we all have.  You have handled life's curveballs with grace and acceptance.  I'm sorry for what you've had to go through.  Losing your grandmother is tough at any age, let alone unexpectedly when you are only eight years old.  I know there have been times when you have just needed to cry and be held, and I hope that I've been there enough for you.  I'm ashamed that these roles have been reversed a couple of times.  Your little arms around me, your tiny voice shushing away my tears... a moment that I will never in my life forget.  Once I pulled myself together and apologized for breaking down in front of you, you simply shrugged and said "Grandma is your Mama.  You're supposed to cry."  You never cease to amaze me, sweet baby.  You are wise beyond your years.  I'm sorry Grandma is sitting this one out.

  Tonight, my heart is overflowing.  I'm relishing the memories... those first days and weeks, where I was terrified and overwhelmed with this new feeling of love; your adorable toddler days, with those cute little pigtails and chubby cheeks; driving you to your first day of Kindergarten, wearing your new Mary Janes and lugging a backpack that was half your size; all the days in between, and now... third grade.  Homework.  Clothing obsession.  Boys.  Before I know it, you'll be moving out of the house and going to college.  Getting married.  Having babies.

  I wish that life had a pause button, or at least a slow-motion option.  I'm looking forward to the memories we will be making and the experiences yet to be had, but for right now... I wish that I could just slow things down for a few minutes.  It won't be long before Mom will be uncool and you'd rather go hang out at the mall then cuddle with me on the couch, eating ice cream and watching iCarly.

  I love you, sweet baby.  You see, this day is a celebration for me, too.  One this day nine years ago, my world was changed forever.  I am so blessed to have you in my life.  Happy birthday, my love.  You have so much to look forward to.

  Mama

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