Friday, 25 January 2013
Previously published on 2/26/10
When you live in a house with seven children and a husband that is rarely home, you find yourself saying some of the strangest things.
Here are just a few:
- If I find one more cup left on the table overnight, you will all be drinking from your hands for a week.
- No, your boyfriend cannot spend the night. Are you high?
- Please do not spin your sister around to the point that she falls when you set her down. Yes, I know you find it amusing, but she is going to get hurt.
- For the love of pete, stop wearing your brothers underwear. It bothers him. (can't imagine why, ewww)
- Yes, Mommy will help you get the Nerds out of your nose.
- No, I don't want to know how the Nerds got up your nose.
- Transformers are evil toys and the people that made them should be damned to hell for all eternity.
- Of course I understand your giving your employee the day off. No, I don't mind if we miss the first Valentine's Day you have had off in years. Please, go to work. (asshat)
- No really, I don't need a shower today. Please take an hour long one and use all the hot water. I am sure I don't stink that bad.
- Oh, you need a prairie costume tomorrow morning for school? Sure, I am sure I can whip up a long skirt and shirt in six hours. No problem.
- Emily, diapers are meant to be worn. Really, the couch doesn't like commando, it told me so.
- No, you can't climb on the roof in the torrential downpour and 60 mph winds to fix the skylight. As tempting as it sounds, I don't want to waste the time in the ER.
- Of course the dog bit you. You were taunting him with food. I would bite you too if you held a hot dog just out of my reach and made me jump for it.
- No really, an hour of sleep a night is more than enough for me. Of course I want to "get it on" at 4 am because you are in the mood.
- Your teachers don't hate you. You are failing because you aren't doing the work. Really, they do not have it in for you, I asked.
What are the "never thought I'd say that" things you've been saying lately?