Friday, 25 January 2013
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Things I Never Thought I'd Say...
Previously published on 2/26/10
When you live in a house with seven children and a husband that is rarely home, you find yourself saying some of the strangest things.
Here are just a few:
- If I find one more cup left on the table overnight, you will all be drinking from your hands for a week.
- No, your boyfriend cannot spend the night. Are you high?
- Please do not spin your sister around to the point that she falls when you set her down. Yes, I know you find it amusing, but she is going to get hurt.
- For the love of pete, stop wearing your brothers underwear. It bothers him. (can't imagine why, ewww)
- Yes, Mommy will help you get the Nerds out of your nose.
- No, I don't want to know how the Nerds got up your nose.
- Transformers are evil toys and the people that made them should be damned to hell for all eternity.
- Of course I understand your giving your employee the day off. No, I don't mind if we miss the first Valentine's Day you have had off in years. Please, go to work. (asshat)
- No really, I don't need a shower today. Please take an hour long one and use all the hot water. I am sure I don't stink that bad.
- Oh, you need a prairie costume tomorrow morning for school? Sure, I am sure I can whip up a long skirt and shirt in six hours. No problem.
- Emily, diapers are meant to be worn. Really, the couch doesn't like commando, it told me so.
- No, you can't climb on the roof in the torrential downpour and 60 mph winds to fix the skylight. As tempting as it sounds, I don't want to waste the time in the ER.
- Of course the dog bit you. You were taunting him with food. I would bite you too if you held a hot dog just out of my reach and made me jump for it.
- No really, an hour of sleep a night is more than enough for me. Of course I want to "get it on" at 4 am because you are in the mood.
- Your teachers don't hate you. You are failing because you aren't doing the work. Really, they do not have it in for you, I asked.
What are the "never thought I'd say that" things you've been saying lately?
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About the Author
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- From: gwacemom
- Name: Ange
- About Me: I am a mom of five gorgeous kids. I may not always do things the "normal" way, but I always try and do right. I am passionate about raising awareness for Down syndrome and for CHD (congenital heart defects). The beautiful girl in my profile picture is the reason. She is the face of Down syndrome. Not at all what you expected, is it?
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Comments (31)
I think these are positively hilarious!
lol, I love those!
The ones I've said recently have been
"Thongs do NOT make necklaces!!"
"Milk and gel are completely different, you should be using them the same way."
"I dont know what that is but Im pretty sure it shouldnt go in your mouth or your nose" (Found out it was a helmet to a lego man.)
I just said one today "Get that pencil out of your bobo!" my daughter was sticking a color pencil down the front of her skirt....I was like omg I can't believe I just said that
Hahaha! This are too funny!
I remember when my younger brother got marbles stuck up his nose. And my mom being like "I don't even want to know how that happened. Just get in the car so we can go to the ER!"
Ahahaha!
To two year old: "Do you want to look at books on the potty and see if we can go pee-pee?"
The tricky thing is figuring out which of these were said to your children, and which were said to your spouse.
My mother's most famous words: "It must be your father's DNA."
"No! Just because mommy is hurt, doesn't mean you're going to get hurt too.....you can't catch a boo-boo."
Last night to my son, while I was waiting for my husband to get home so I could go get stitches in my hand. My son was convinced if he touched me, he'd get a boo-boo too.
@NikBv@xanga - LOL, I will never tell.
@KittySolntsova@xanga - I LOVE that one. Heading off to write that one down.
I said this the other day: Carrots don't go in your hair.
@NikBv@xanga, @gwacemom - - Oh I figure some of the stuff you say to your kids are the very same you might say to your spouse! Like how "You should know better to swing that." was applicable to my dad for superman-ing baby me (i.e. zooming me and spinning me around in the air) and for that time when I was very little and shook an carton of milk without the lid on.
LOL. I needed a laugh, thanks!
"No, honey!! The worms need air or they'll die!!"
"And...WHY, exactly, did you think the DVD player was hungry??"
"No, sweetheart, ninjas *don't* jump out at you from nowhere in Japan."
"Honey, let's not use the flashlight under the dog's tail. How about we look through his fur instead?"
I'm sure I have more, lol, but I just woke up :P
Moms say the darnedest things. I have said so many over the years while raising four boys, that not one comes to mind right now.
these were hilarious. A long with the ones left in comments. I've definitely said a few myself. Lately, to my one year old son its been:
"Just because you can reach it doesn't mean you can have it."
"No son, food is not hair gel. Please stop rubbing the spaghetti sauce in your hair."
And I never thought I would have to fight a child to put a diaper on and get dressed. Not at one years old anyways.
haha fuunny stuff.. though if I were you, I wouldn't be so opposed to the late night...
hahaha then you can totally pass out, hopefully satisfied at the end!
LOL this one made me laugh "No, your boyfriend cannot spend the night. Are you high? "
not sometihng my mom would say,but this is something i'd say if i was a mom...but i'm never gonna be one lol
Hahaha, awww. :) *hugs*
@KittySolntsova@xanga - hahaha good one.
I'm going to write a similar post. Thank you for the idea. (:
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"I feel like I'm raising two kids, not one and a husband."
"Who's responsible for this mess?!" (It could be either the DS or DH)
"Poop DOES NOT go there!"
"No, baby. You can't crawl outside. The bugs don't want company"
this morning to my girl (its about 10 degrees here) "one day soon that boyfriend of yours is gonna come knocking on this door in a t-shirt, all blue and shivering, and beg me for some of his coats back" said upon realizing that she has about 6 of the boy's jackets all around the house. guess she likes wearing them, fine, but FFS, give 'em back! I don't have the room for another kids wardrobe! lol