When you have more than one young child how do you do birthdays? I have seen families who give more presents to the child whose birthday it actually is but the other young children in the family will still receive gifts so that they are not upset or jealous.
Recently, I had a little cousin who had a birthday and I thought about bringing his younger sister a present too in order to avoid any jealousy that might occur. Sharing is something we are all trying to teach my little cousins but I began to think that bringing presents for everyone may not be the best idea. I mean it is one thing to share your toys with your sibling but should you have to share your birthday simply to prevent the other child from whining?
The more that I thought about this situation the more I began to think that by giving the younger child whose birthday it was not a present would inevitably only be confusing for them and lead them to expect gifts when they do not necessarily deserve them. I just came to the conclusion, that children, even if they are really young would benefit more by learning that some days are special for them and some days are special for their siblings or others in general. Again, if I were to give the child whose birthday it was not a gift they may come to expect things that they may not necessarily deserve all throughout life and really that would only be hurting them in the long run.
I think that children definitely need to learn that there is always going to be a time and a place when they get special attention/treatment but that that same concept goes for other people as well. In my opinion children need to learn that not everything is about them and that it is normal and healthy for others to at times be deserving of attention and gifts and that their own time will come for such things.
Sharing is an important lesson for sure but children also need to learn when it is appropriate for others to have special attention and that their time for special attention will come. Yet again I feel that it is important to drive home that receiving special attention is not necessarily something that will/should be done at every waking minute of every day,
How do you handle birthdays or special occasions where one child is in the spotlight? Do you think kids need to learn that not everything is not about them at all times or do you think that everything should be shared?
Image Source
Recommend
Comments (39)
The way we work it is this way. My kids' birthdays are exactly a month apart, and are at the end of the year. So I have an October birthday, November birthday, and the holiday season. I buy the October child the bigger gifts for her birthday, but reserve one gift for the other child's November birthday, and the holiday gifts in December. The November child gets the one small gift in October, the bigger gifts in November, and the holiday gift in December. I spread it out for all of them so they aren't overwhelmed with gifts. Then I ask the family members to get me gift cards so that when they are bored with their birthday/holiday toys, they can buy stuff year round.
I am from the older generation, and just don't get this whole thing... kids need to learn that sometimes it is all about someone else! We are raising a generation of divas, and what ever it is you call boys lie that, LOL By not teaching our kids to be happy for the bounty of their siblings, or other birthday children, we are reinforcing their need to be the center of attention all the time... they need to learn to get over and realize that others deserve center stage too... I have kids that are 29,24, and 13, and 2 grands 6 and 4, and this is how it was/is for all of them! We really need to reinforce that to give is better than to receive!
If it's THEIR birthday, it's their birthday. In my family, the kids just gotta deal with the fact that the other kids get one day of attention and presents just like they do. I think it's a waste of money to have to buy for two or three kids just because one would get jealous. That's just like saying, "Okay, if you get jealous on your brother's/sister's/cousin's/friend's birthday we'll get you a present too. It's okay to be jealous when you have a birthday coming up anyways." It just doesn't make sense to me. It's their birthday, unless their twins, then only the birthday girl/boy should get the gifts, the other ones will have birthdays too.
Yeah, I'm pretty old school. I only buy gifts for the child having a birthday. In the case that a child's birthday is close to a holiday (like Christmas), I make sure to buy separate gifts for each occasion.
We have eight children, being blended our kids birthdays fall like this; three in one month, four within a month of one another, and one out there all by themself. I have never purchased gifts for the other children for a siblings birthday. It is their one time a year to really shine and we give them that. They get to pick their birthday dinner and type of cake. It is their day, not their siblings.
It was how my parents handled it and it worked well for us.
No
My siblings and I just got gifts on our own birthdays, it worked fine. Then again, we weren't the kind of kids who were allowed to throw tantrums, and if we did, we got spanked and not rewarded with what we were fussing for to begin with.
I absolutely do not like the idea of my other children getting presents on one of their birthdays. This past year, both my mother-in-law and my sister gave presents to my children on another one of their birthdays, and I hated it! I actually plan on asking them not to do it this year. I think that each child deserves their own day, and that they just need to understand that it's not their special day that day, and that they need to help their sibling's day to be as special as it can be! I really just don't get that whole concept, I certainly didn't grow up getting those extra presents nor did my sisters.
my parents had four kids, and we never got presents on someone else's birthday. It's their birthday, and should be about them. We got jealous when we were little, but that's normal.
NO.
No.
No they absolutely do NOT both get gifts for each others' birthday. I think that teaches kids that they are entitled to things without merit. The only difference was when there was a baby shower for my son. Some people brought gifts for my daughter (who was 2) - and that was ok with me. But other than that, the only thing we share amongst everyone on birthdays is the cake and the party. That is sufficient.
I think that if the parents are worried about jealousy issues, they should take some steps ahead of time, days ahead of time, to explain how their sibling's birthday is going to work. I think a great solution, if the child is old enough, is to have them pick out a present for their sibling's birthday, so they can be excited about seeing it get opened. My 3 and 5 year old love doing that for each other.
I might be persuaded to think it's okay for someone 2 or younger, because they can't really grasp what is going on necessarily, and likely won't remember it anyways. So they won't expect it still the next time around.
So overall, I'm against it. But if Grandpa showed up with an extra hot wheels car for the non-birthday kid, I wouldn't complain.
Nope. Definitley not shared.
i think, yes most definitely children today need to learn very young that everything is not about them. That the world does not revolve solely around them. i'm 29 now, and am also old-school. i don't have kids, but i do think that now kids are growing up more spoiled than in our days and i don't plan for my kids to be the same...
i say "no" to presents for other siblings on a child's birthday. it's the b-day child's day and in no way should they have to share it. like the one above me said, i think in the case of baby showers or new siblings it fine. but celebrations as the kids get older, no...
i have a twin sister, and i remember on one of our birthdays, our brother, who is a year older and his birthday is a month after ours, got presents on our birthday. when his birthday came around he got a mountain of presents and me and my sister didn't get anything on his...i was 4 and like "wtf?!" Lol...
Each of my older two children has their own birthday tradition. For my daughter, my oldest, we always go to the fair around her birthday. Then for her actual birthday, she gets gifts. Her younger brother would get a small trinket when she opened her gifts like a rattle when he was really little or a matchbox car when he was a little older. It was never wrapped. It was more of something to keep him occupied and not jealous. I do not really remember when we phased this out but around the time he was 7 I think.
My older son (the one written about above) gets a dinner at a Japanese Steakhouse. He gets his gifts for his actual birthday. My daughter would get a little something... an outfit for Barbie or a new headband. Again, a little trinket, not wrapped to keep her occupied. We phased this out the same year we phased it out for my son.
My view is that it is very similar to the goody bags handed out at parties... little trinkets for the party goers.
My youngest will turn 1 this August. The older kids will not get anything special at that time. They are old enough to not dissolve into tears over someone else getting gifts. When the little one is about a year old or perhaps a year and a half, whenever it seems right, we will do the same for him.
in my opinion, giving kids gifts for someone else's special day makes them spoiled rotten. plus, imagine how that makes the kid who IS having the birthday (or other special event) feel. jealousy isn't something to protect your child from, it's something to discourage outright.
My older brother and I are about a year and a half apart, so our birthdays are in opposite ends of the year but we are close in age. I don't think I ever remember getting a present when it was his birthday. Maybe I got to share some of the limelight and I might have blown the candles out with him when we were really little, but as far as I can remember we each got gifts on our own birthday and not the other's. In fact, we had a family tradition where the birthday person would get a birthday oatmeal with a candle/raisin smiley face on it, and part of the fun of when it was the other sibling's birthday was getting up early to decorate the oatmeal and get the presents together. So yeah.
Kids need to learn not everything is about them. My mom tried giving my son a present at his cousin's birthday because he was pouting a little bit. I told my little guy that it was his cousin's birthday and that the toys were his cousin's. I told him he was allowed to take the party favors home. I reminded him that when it was his own birthday he got to keep all the presents. After that John content to play with his cousin's toys and leave with only the party favors. My mom was surprised that he was OK with it. I don't want my son growing up thinking that the world revolves around him and that he always has to have his way.
My son is one of the older grandchildren. He's 3, while my older nieces are 6 and 16. I also have a 3 year old niece, and 2 year old nephew with a sibling on the way. Not to mention all my friends have kids. When we attend birthdays, I only give presents to the birthday child. With in the family, most of my family lives in Texas, and we visit from Colorado. For example, this year, we celebrated Christmas with them on Dec. 05. So I brought my nieces and nephews presents then too. They got to open their presents from us with us, so that we could see them enjoy what we got them. We went back the second to last week of January for my 3 year old niece's party. My son got to open his Christmas presents from extended family while she did her birthday, and my 2 year old nephew got a cheap little car to unwrap. Starting next year though, my son will no longer be allowed to open presents on cousins birthdays (or any future siblings). I feel when he was young enough to not understand, it was just easier to let him have something small than to deal with ruining a party with a temper tantrum, but I would only do it if my sisters agreed (most of the time, they suggested it). But even this year he was plenty old enough, and it was just chance that he had presents when we were there; he had left at 1pm previous day (which we had drove in and got in at 4am so we were sleeping) to go with his dad, and hadn't come back until his cousins party started...or we would have done it before.
I see nothing wrong with it, up until a certain age. If it were me personally I would not have cared if I had a younger sibling (too young to understand) got a present on my birthday...I'd rather that than them throwing a fit at my party/dinner out...etc. Face it, no matter how good a parent you are, and how well you discipline....toddlers are going to throw fits.
no, it's that child's day to feel special. the others will have their days.
I didn't even have to read this article to say: NO!! Children need to learn that they absolutely CAN NOT have everything their way (go to Burger King for that). Life is not that easy. I am completely sick of hearing about kids getting everything they want because parents are afraid of not pleasing their children; giving gifts to every child on another child's birthday is ridiculous.
We...do and don't. Last year was our first year with children's birthdays. Matthew's was first in June. I only bought for Matthew, but my mom happened to find two blankets on sale 2-for-something and wanted to give Chris one, too, so she did. Chris' birthday was in September, we found a clearance on Nerf guns, they didn't own any others and it would have been kinda boring to only have given him one, so Matthew got one and Tim and I also each got one. Megan's birthday was in November, she got presents only...but the boys were with their dad when we celebrated her birthday, too, so we didn't put a whole lotta thought into it. We don't do it on purpose, but if it works out that way? Whatever. As they get older, the ideal is to get away from it.
I'm a twin. I've always had to share my birthday... But that's different, I know.
My family as never given a gift to someone other than the birthday child(ren). There is no need to. Kids have know that the world doesn't revolve around them; they need to take turns in the spotlight.
ONe family I know does a bit of a variation on this though. They have three kids, and the birthday child buys one gift each for the other two. Its not to keep the other two from being jealous, but rather to teach the birthday kid- yes, its your special day, but its not an excuse to be selfish- sort of thing
I don't like it at all, and when I have children we will not do that. My inlaws do that for my niece and nephew, but my husband and I don't.
My sister, cousins, and I never got presents on each other's birthday. Birthday's are about the birthday person, and I feel that children need to learn that and not expect gifts just because someone else is getting one.
i've heard of this. sounds stupid. it's not your birthday - deal with it. i never got gifts on my siblings' birthdays and i'm fine, and so are they. they need to learn when it's their turn and when it's not. plus, that's soo much extra money spent on materialistic things they probably won't even use...