Thursday, 07 January 2010
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How Can We Get Her to Listen?!?
Why is it that some kids listen and some don’t? You could blame the answer of that question on the parents, sure, easy answer but when you have more than one child and one or more listens well and only one does not then how can the parents be to blame?
I have many little cousins whom I spend a great deal of time with, particularly my three cousins, Sarah, Beth, and Mike (in order of age, all under 5 too). Sarah and Mike listen well but Beth does not. Beth’s behavior baffles me and drives me nuts!
With Sarah, all you need to do is sound upset or disappointed and chances are she will be in tears within a matter of seconds because she knows she has messed up. When her brother, Mike, acts up, all you have to do is tell him to “Stop!” or “Don’t do that!” and he will freeze immediately and probably cry as well. Their sister, Beth (middle child), on the other hand could be yelled at all day long, put in time out, her toys taken away, and she will still act out when she gets the chance!
They are all close in age so I don’t think it has anything to do with that. They were all raised by the same parents so it is not that. The only answer I could possibly think of is that maybe it is has something to do with age order and Beth being the middle child (the whole middle child syndrome belief). This seems like the only plausible answer, at least the only one that I have been able to come up with.
It seems as if Beth responds positively to negative attention. I would understand this more if she were being neglected or something but she receives tons of positive attention when she is not behaving badly. Do some children just enjoy being yelled at? Again I am completely baffled by her behavior!
So does anyone have any advice they could offer? How can we get Beth to listen? Why does she seem to like the negative attention even more than positive attention?
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About the Author
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- From: michcoy@xanga
- Name: Michelle
- About Me: I am a full-time nanny who loves to write whenever I can. I also love being outdoors whenever possible. Camping, hiking and kayaking are a few of my favorite activities.
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Comments (9)
I don't have a clue. Children are like little mysteries to me.
You mention that she gets plenty of positive attention, but is there one on one time with her? Punishments tend to lead to some one on one time. So even if you/her parents play with her, it may be as part of a group. She may want to do something with an adult without her siblings.
When my second child seemed to be oblivious to our rules and the consequences for her actions didn't seem to matter, we tested her hearing. No, that wasn't it but was true for others. Finally, when she was 4, the doctor asked me if I wanted to test her for ADHD.
That was it, but the drugs seemed worse than the cure. Finally, I found this site: www.feingold.org. It takes a bit of work, especially when dealing with the chorus of disbelief from others that it could be food. It worked. Rather than write a book here, there is a paper on that site that I wrote. Click on the little blond girl. She is third from the left. She is now 11, and as long as she sticks to the diet, life goes easily for her. She knows when she's had something off the list, because she gets weepy and irritated with everything.
It works for a lot of people, but only if you go full bore into it. It takes dedication and perseverance, but the rewards are worth it. It might help. My other child does not have ADHD.
Um, I'm sure you have already, lol, but the only suggestions I can think of are to whisper to get her to listen or turn things into a game.
she sounds like the textbook middle child to me.
Add to that being the functional baby girl and you have her behaviour explained. (as her older sis is first born girl and little bro is functional first born son, each place in the birth order comes with specific traits).
I would suggest doing some research into birth orders (Dr Kevin Leman's book "Birth Order Book Why You Are the Way You Are is a good place to start) and work with her on it.
Learning about birth order will help teach her how to identify and use her strengths to the fullest.
I would also suggest a book by the same author entitled "Have a New Kid by Friday". It changed our household within days.
OMG my oldest niece (5 years) is like this right now! She was the first baby in the house 14 years after myself and we all loved her tons! We pampered her, not much spoiling, but the little girl is crazy! And she's only in Kindergarten! We're hoping that we fix our mistakes for the remaining (infant) boy and girl.
Children are DEFINITELY a mystery, sometimes.
I was a terror as a child and I never listened to my parents unless they hit me or put soap in my mouth. Nowadays they would probably be put in jail. It's a sad world. I look back and I think I got the proper punishment for my behavior and I would never call my parents child abusers. They put a roof over my head, clothes, food and everything I needed. I was a spoiled brat who needed to be disciplined and unfortunately my parents had to go to that extreme. That's one of the MANY reasons why I would never have children in this day and age. Parents spoil their kids to death and then wonder why they act like brats when they don't get their way. Then if they hit them they are given a jail sentence! I'd rather not go through the hypocrisy of parenting of the modern age.
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