This has been bothering me for awhile now. I really don't know how to play with Little Monkey. He's 27 months old and still not speaking, he has a vast vocabulary in both English and Arabic but they are all half words, barely any pronounced correctly and too far from creating phrases or sentences.
He's a little monkey, his main interest is to climb anything and that includes us, if i go sit beside him he would suddenly turn and start climbing my back and trying to sit on my shoulders or head and in the process I usually get kicked in the face or get my hair pulled, if it was particularly painful I might shout at him or I just get up and leave him.
Even the way he hugs us is odd, he would twist his mouth and bang his cheek or forehead against us and it's painful. He does this with us and with his stuffed toys.
His favorite toys are anything with wheels, he has a huge collection of toy cars and trains and he can spend hours pushing those around the living room or around the dining table. He also enjoys little people or animal figures, where he has them walk around or he lines them up or even tries to make them ride the cars and trains. He has other toys but he doesn't play with them too often, when I try to play with him, like push cars around, we either end up with a tantrum or I end up painfully bored, I do things in a way he doesn't like and because he cant tell me what's wrong he throws a tantrum or he wants me to keep doing the same thing countless times or he wants me to do something impossible like balancing a large figure on a car and drive it around.
He doesn't care for books, I've tried so much since he was really young, he would keep opening and closing the book or turning the pages before I could point out anything to him. I tried coloring and all he does is make a line with each crayon and placing them neatly in a row on the table and leaving. Puzzles totally frustrate him and lead to tantrums. Blocks are fun for both of us but he doesn't play with them for too long, always moving onto something else. Watching a movie or TV is something we can do together with no complaints from either of us, but how much TV will we watch.
He loves playing outdoors and running around and going to the playground but sadly most of our days are spent indoors without much chance to go outside. He's a happy child and doesn't seem bothered by my lack of playtime with him. He's very independent and can keep himself busy for hours, which is really helpful when I'm cooking or getting something done, its me that's feeling guilty, I spend most of my day in front of my computer keeping myself busy with something online and occasionally try to play with him till I get kicked and give up and come back here.
I used to imagine reading books to my child or coloring together, I imagined I could sit down and teach my child something as simple as colors, letters, numbers, or shapes, but he just can't or won't sit long enough to grasp anything and I'm sure that is one of the reasons he's behind in speaking.
Do you have any suggestions or ideas on what I should do?
Comments (53)
My son is the same way, pretty much. He creates VAST parking lots of hotwheels and matchbox cars. And trains, oh he loves trains, and just as much off the tracks as on. Before he was verbal I would just sit on the floor and line up cars with him or build him train tracks. But you're right, it was incredibly boring! Now a difference, my son does love to be read to, so we did that...a lot. Still do. But I would suggest maybe picture books about cars? I don't know, just a thought. And it sounds like he's just incredibly active with all his climbing. Sorry I'm not much help. But remember this is just a phase. He will be talking better sooner than later and then it will be a whole new game. Good luck with figuring things out!
Something doesn't seem right here. Since you're online a lot, maybe research how moms who have autistic children play with them. I'm not saying he's autistic, but some of his interections remind me of autism. They might be able to give you ideas on how to communicate and interact with your son more. Is speech therapy an option? It helped my nephew and cousin tremendously when they started that.
Check this link out: http://www.autisable.com/719553423/the-earlier-the-better-when-it-comes-to-autism-diagnosis/?cuttag=true#cuttaganchor
your son sounds like a normal little boy. He is going to have to mature a little more before he will sit down and do an activity like coloring or sit for a book to be read to him. Find books with pictures of things he likes and with different things that will encourage him to sit down and look at the pictures. When John was younger he had a bunch of "touch and feel" books. These books have different textures, buttons, flaps, sliding doors etc. We would talk about that. He looks at regular books now, but he likes to turn the pages mostly. There are very books that he will let me read, but you have to remember that I started reading to him from day one.
Your son will learn to talk. If he is trying to say words, he is developing normally. He has to build the muscle coordination to be able to make the sounds. In order to do this, encourage him to keep talking and make the sounds the letters make. My husband, who has a Master's degree in speech and hearing, was always my son to make silly sounds, faces, and do weird things with his tongue but it was to teach him to use the muscles that he would use when he was talking. My adviser (grad school) told me that they go from almost saying nothing to saying a lot. That is what happened to John. I went away on a trip, he was barely talking, when I cam back he was saying everything. I think part of it has to do with them being nervous as well so encourage and praise him for the things he says.
At this age they don't understand the concept of playing with other people. I play with my son even though some of the things he likes bore me to tears. He does get mad about some things but that is because he doesn't understand the concept of gravity etc. I use these moments to teach him things like big and small, inside and out etc. When he gets mad because his big thing wont stay in a small car etc. I just explain it to him and sometimes it takes what seems like a million times but he does get it.
All little children, boy or girl love to wrestle. I wrestle and chase my guy all the time. He loves it. I spend time on-line and in between sites (when he is playing with his puppy friends) I like to announce that I am going to get you and chase him, tackle him, flip him upside down etc.
Do you know that I spent an hour making Thomas the Train go down the spiral? It's a part of being a toddler.
@Erika_Steele@xanga - While I agree that this may be just the way the author's son is developing, I'm not sure it's accurate to say that children this age don't understand the concept of playing together. My children do. My daughter played with other kids and really any other person or animal from very very early on. My son already takes turns playing with us and his older sis - he's 7 months and she's 3. My nephew who is in speech therapy and making great strides had that problem with a particular side of his mouth as well. That's what they are working on, strengthening and using that side. They had to start using straw cups rather than sippies, btw.
oh wow.. i could have written this post myself.. and i know my tot is not autistic. he is a typical boy. plain and simple.
And i know why my tot doesn't feel the need to use full words, and its my fault because I am used to his way of speaking and I understand him. I am changing now to get him to use his words and he is making great progress.
just.... don't be in such a rush for him to grow up. Enjoy the times like this, because very soon he will be begging you to read every book know to man over and over and he will not stop talking. (I am not saying this is bad.. i am just saying don't rush him. let him come in his own time).
@sarahsmurfette@xanga - I knew I forgot to add something to my post my little guy distracted me. I didn't mean to leave it just at that. When I said playing together, I didn't mean interacting with each other. I meant to ask the OP if she takes her son to play groups, play grounds or any other place where he can learn to interact with other children and other people. To me it sounds like her son does initiate playing with her just in ways that she doesn't get, understand, or find interesting. When I say playing together I mean playing games where they are actually playing a game, taking turns, etc. My son is the same age as hers, he plays with people, but he just recently started playing games. Before it was we would stack blocks together, he would go down the slide, wrestle with other kids etc. but if something didn't go his way or another kid had a toy he wanted he would get mad. He had to learn that there were rules and ways to interact with people. I think OP wants her son to sit down and play games when he is just not at that point.
I wouldn't judge her son's interaction with other people just on this post especially since she didn't talk about how he interacts with other children or other people. I would elaborate more but diaper duty calls.
Since you're having trouble communicating with him, have you considered teaching him baby sign language? I just got a DVD of simple signs to teach and it will help you communicate and know what he needs without having to use words. Hope this helps!
My son is almost 2, and he just now started saying things clearly. It happened all of a sudden too, almost in one week.
I think some kids just like playing by themselves better. They don't quite know how to share yet, so they get mad when someone else plays with their toys. With my son, i usually just sit on the floor, and if he wants to hand me something to play with, or sit on my lap while he plays, I let him. It really just depends on how he reacts to me, and everyday is different.
@ShamrockLover@xanga - Great suggestion. I know that often that frustration is a result of not being able to communicate. Baby sign language is a great way to break down that barrier.
sometimes if you invite a friend over and then ask the friend what to do the little friend might know. I know it might sound weird but my brother used to tell my parents what I meant when I got frustrated when I was younger and that solved problems and they could understand me.
I babysit a 3 year old a couple of days a week. He is much the same. He really just doesnt like other people to play with him because he likes things to be very particular. So I often feel bad, also, that I am not actually playing with him more! But I do think it is at least partly just them learning to grow up!
He turned 3 in December. I have been watching him since September. In that amount of time, I have seen a huge improvement in his speaking. Some of it comes from learning new words/phrases from some of the tv he watches. (Most of that is Disney movies or cartoons that are 'classic' mickey, looney toons, etc.) When there is a word that I know he can say, I make him use it to get what he wants. There have been a lot of tantrums, but as he has learned that all he has to do is 'use his words' (which I say often), it has gotten a lot better. I always then repeat back to him what he wants, so that he can hear it and learn better what it is supposed to sound like.
@Erika_Steele@xanga - Thank you so much for your input, the way you put it was so comforting and similar to what I'm going through, if a toy falls its like the end of the world for him, I keep trying to tell him just pick it up and start again no problem. He has a cousin that's 5 weeks younger than him, but because she has 3 older siblings she's talking a lot more than he does, and then she's a girl and really dainty like she gets scared when she sees him climbing stuff and plays completely differently than he does, they only agree on Mickey Mouse toys and do play together as in giving each other the different dolls and taking them back and such, they don't talk or really play together but at least they don't fight or start tantrums with each other, I'm not worried about that, it's just at the end of the day when I think about the interaction I had with my son I feel guilty wishing I could do something more with him.
@sarahsmurfette@xanga - Thank you for taking the time to research for me :) my son isn't autistic, he's just super active and different from what I imagined raising a child would be like. I need to accept his monkey ways and wait till he matures a bit more. Its great that your children play together from such a young age but children with siblings are a bit developmentally different from those without (we're working on it though :D) I've thought about speech therapy but he does talk and does try if there is no improvement by the end of the year then I'll definitely look into it.
@LadyGwenivere@xanga - yeah I do that too because I understand his half language so well, I guess I'll just have to wait and see..
I recommend ASL. Why? Because while baby sign is great and all, not all of it is the same as ASL. Baby sign it no easier than ASL either. So not only is he learning to communicate, if you use it well into childhood, it can be beneficial to him.
Also, when he talks to you, repeat back what he wants or is saying...correctly. In a sentence. "You would like to go into your room and play?" "Okay, lets go!". A lot of times with my son, if he asked for something, and said a word wrong...or it didn't make much sense to anyone but me, I'd confirm what he said...like I mentioned above...and then would gently "correct" him. "Lets say it together, 'May - I - have - a - drink - please?'" Being sure to enunciate, but not talk down to him.
My son is three and still mispronounces words, says things wrong..etc. His doctor told me yesterday that speech isn't an issue until around (roughly) 1st grade, and if he's still having issue at that point, and there is no hearing issues, then speech therapy would be needed.
Also, my son still does not climb things (unless he has to). He has great large and fine motor skills....it just doesn't interest him. Speaking and reading my just not interest your son. @Erika_Steele@xanga - made a very good suggestion. Find books that interest your son, he'll be more likely to pick up on it if its something he likes. Even make up your own stories about cars covering a lot of basic vocabulary.
But as a whole, he just sounds like an independent little boy. My son will play with me for about 5 minutes, and then "kick me out".
@sarahkmm - try not to feel guilty. I think we all get wrapped up in being what we think everyone else will see as a perfect mom and we forget that the only thing that matters is that our children think that we are perfect moms. If your son is happy, healthy, and feels loved you have nothing to feel guilty about.
Honestly, how much pain can he inflict on you, at least without trying? Especially if you brace yourself and move your body around with him accordingly? What causes a tantrum when you play cars with him? Whose fault is it you can't handle boredom? Why can't he go outside? You feel guilty when you're not playing with him, but then don't want to play with him. You spend much time online because you claim you have nothing else to do. I'm starting to doubt your sanity, honestly.
mm... I'm going to try to be nice with this. Teach him it hurts and kicking isn't right, but don't sit still and then leave when it happens, play back, attack him with tickles and kisses, or pretend to climb him.
Push cars around, drive them new places, like up the side of the coffee table or across his arms. He's not supposed to have a long attention span, he's a toddler, so spend what time you can doing the things you like with blocks and either move onto the next activity with him or keep playing with your toys and see if in a few minutes he comes back.
Sing to him, and play hand games. Let him draw a line, he's barely 2!! What do you expect? Get some finger paints and a big piece of cardboard or posterboard and let him paint whatever he wants. Let him make a mess sometimes, and make them with him. Stop worrying so much and just relax!
He doesn't have to be the perfect obedient patient child, and you don't have to be a perfect parent making everything right and giving him attention constantly, but do try to give it to him more than you are now?
And please, talk to him. He learns how to speak by immitating you and your husband. Speak to him a lot, while you're cooking, when you're putting toys away, before bed time, and playing with bath toys.
@sarahkmm - And show by example, if he doesn't understand what you're saying, show him while saying it. Patiently and gently of course.
He sounds a bit like one of the little guys I watch. I know how frustrated you must be because I am always trying to find ways to play with him though often it turns out very much like it does for you...I say keep trying but it is good for him to play by himself alone as well so don't feel bad about letting him do that. As he ages I am sure there will be more activities the two of you will enjoy doing together so hand in there! All of the moms that commented above already gave some good advice so I am going to leave end it here. Best of luck to you!
@a12906@xanga - I was playing with an 18 month old, who managed to make my nose bleed, break my glasses, and pull out a handful of hair all in one swift move...and all on accident. I've had numerous amounts of hair pulled out by kids of all ages, lips busted from running hugs...even in an attempt to avoid them, bruises, etc. Toddlers are clumsy, they aren't sure footed. My son has given me a few hugs...where as soon as he grabs me...he jumps. Busts my lip or makes me bite my tongue. We've had many talks about how you can't jump when you're hugging someone, and that it hurts. There have been times that we've been playing, and he'll do something..and the consequence is mommy not being able to play with him if he's hurtful.
After having my son break my rib, when I was 7 months pregnant with him...I will never doubt the strength of children again.
Also, maybe you live in a perpetually warm place, but majority of the world has seasons. It is winter where I live, and the high for tomorrow is 9 F (-13 C) with a wind chill of -10 F (-23 C)... I don't think I'll be taking my child out to play in that!
Some children enjoy playing by themselves. My son is one of them. I feel bad if I don't play with him, but then I feel even worse when he rejects me. I mean I still interact with him as much as possible, I'm talking to him as I type this, but some times kids just don't want to play with mommy.
@RainDropPixie@xanga - How did he break your rib when you were pregnant? It might be cold in Saudi Arabia, where the poster says she lives now, but I'm sure even Saudi Arabia has discovered the coat. Especially considering how big they are on covering their bodies. In addition, the body is stronger than people think, people just need to give their bodies a chance. She doesn't even need to take him out that much, five minutes a couple times a day is better than nothing. Not to mention if he's running around, he's heating himself up in addition to his coat. I'm sure her son enjoys alone time once in a while, as does any child, but she said herself she spends a lot of time on the computer to "keep herself busy", and considers her son "painfully boring". I'm not sure why she had (a) kid(s), or why she still has him/them in her house.
@a12906@xanga - He kicked me, and broke my rib. I thought that was a given.
Have you considered....if she lives in Saudi Arabia that it may be unsafe to take him out much...
Or do you not watch the news or keep up with current events?
There are days my son has nothing to do with me, and despite many attempts...if my housework it done... I have to keep myself busy. Sometimes, the games my son makes up are "painfully boring" to me, I still play with him.
I don't see how you assume she should lose her child because she's unsure how to play with him.
@RainDropPixie@xanga - But he was just a fetus, and this was a fully developed rib. lol...Unless you were malnourished? I have heard that Saudi Arabia is dangerous, but I don't trust the sources. She says "Iend up painfully bored". That to me means she gets bored and then abandons him. Lose him, give him away, get away herself, whatever you want to call it, but look what not doing so is doing to her kid.
@a12906@xanga - Well, I wouldn't personally want to take a stroll through the neighborhood or to the park with my child, were their are car bombs, terrorist attacks, war raging on...but that is just me I suppose.
I'm perfectly healthy, he gave me a swift kick one morning cracking my rib, and slightly separating it from the rest. I had internal bruising. They couldn't actually confirm it was broken until I had him... they refused to do x-rays unless it was life threatening (which I sure wasn't going to argue with). But they did confirm it afterward, when I had x-rays and a CT Scan done for a labor complication. Babies, even fetuses are exceptionally strong.
I agree that she should interact more, but everyone makes parenting mistakes. Some people don't know how to interact with children and it takes practice. That doesn't mean she shouldn't be a mother...that just means she needs to try harder to figure out what they can do together.
@RainDropPixie@xanga - @a12906@xanga - thank you for your input :) just wanted to clear something up about life in Saudi Arabia, it is perfectly safe to go out, no bombs or gunshots are going off at all, the reason I can't go out to play with him is because women arent allowed to drive, so I would need a driver while my husband is at work, also a women out by herself is uncommon and during the summer it is impossibly hot. If I lived in a compound then there wouldnt be that problem, but I dont.