Thursday, 31 December 2009
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Three Year Well Check
Guest post from MamaTRUE
“On the way to the doctor’s office today, Cavanaugh kept repeating, “I like to be sick.”
“You like music?” I would turn the CD on.
“No, I like to be sick.”
“You don’t like the music?” CD back off.
“No, I like to be sick.”
“You like to be sick?”
“Yes. I like to be sick.”
“What? Why?”
“I like to be sick.”
My ears are still really clogged from the sinus infection so I wasn’t sure I was hearing correctly, and I really needed to concentrate on driving rather than looking back over my shoulder to try to discern what he was saying. All we’d done differently since he’d announced, “I’m sick” last night before bed is give him a little medicine and skip our music class this morning. What could he possibly like about being sick?
Then we pulled into the parking lot at the doctor’s office and Cavanaugh said, “I’m better already.”
You’re better already? I thought you said you like to be sick.” Then I got it. “You don’t want to go see the doctor?” And here’s where I wish I could have done better because I usually do a pretty good job of hearing his feelings and not just saying, “You’re okay” but our doctor is great and we haven’t had any traumatic doctor visits where he was super upset, at least since he was a baby and didn’t like being stripped naked to get on the scale. He hasn’t had a shot for 21 months, though I had thought we might catch up on some today. What could possibly have happened to make him decide he doesn’t like the doctor?
Maybe he’d overheard me talking about the shots though I’m not sure he even remembers what they are.
The problem was we pulled into the lot at the exact minute we were supposed to be checking in inside. And talking through fears and feelings takes awhile. So, I was unstrapping him from his carseat and reminding him that he likes his funny doctor who has a Tigger on his stethoscope, then his dad reminded him that the doctor finds barking dogs in his ears and Cavanaugh started scaling my body because he hates dogs, so I said, “And he looks in your ear and finds kitty cats. What does a kitty say?”
By then we were entering the office and Mike was signing us in and Cavanaugh and I started looking at the wooden mural and finding chickens and farmhouses and trains, so he was distracted and perfectly happy to be sitting on the floor there. Normally, I would have taken this time to talk through the feelings, but again, I’m just not quite back up to par today so I spaced out looking at holiday cards families had sent into the doctor’s office simultaneously wondering who thinks of that and who gets these pictures taken.
The nurse’s assistant came and called us back and Cavanaugh didn’t want to stand up to be measured. I had to hug him while pushing his feet back towards the wall. He wouldn’t stand on the scale so I sat him on the baby one, which he was maybe so surprised by that he didn’t even wiggle.
Let’s just say I feel lucky that we have a pediatrician with the best bedside manner in the world. Our doctor took ten minutes warming Cavanaugh up and getting him to trust him so he could look in his ears after a long search for them: “Is that your ear? Where’s your ear?” pointing at toes and looking under Cavanaugh’s shirt. By the end Cavanaugh was giving him high fives and asking me to put the car sticker from the doctor onto his hand.
Probably needless to say, we gave him no shots today. And boy I still can’t decide what to do about chicken pox (which last week I was sure I wasn’t go to give him) and Hep A. We thought the window for MMR’s link to autism closed at three and I recently read four. In any case, I don’t want to give him any until we get over whatever fear of the doctor has come from I know not where.
Have your kids done this, been fine with the doctor and suddenly developed a huge aversion? I’m not sure where to even begin the conversation. Any ideas?
Photo by Gont
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About the Author
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- From: mamatrue
- Name: mamatrue
- About Me: Sonya S. Feher is stay-at-home-mama to Cavanaugh True. She found out she was an attachment parent when she and Cavanaugh were invited to a playgroup full of AP families. Loath to admit she had no idea what AP was, she went home and Googled it. Sure enough, her new friends were right. Since then, she has become a co-leader of the South Austin chapter of Attachment Parenting International, a contributing editor for API Speaks, and a columnist for The Attached Family. She blogs about parenting at http://mamatrue.com and writing at http://sonyafeher.com. You can contact her at mamatrue (at) sonyafeher (dot) com.
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Comments (9)
We don't do well visits.....we stopped them at four months. I remember taking him to the doctor, wearing him in his sling (it was right during the hype of the swine flu issue) and everyone was coughing and sneezing....I thought "Oh my word, why on earth am I bringing a perfectly healthy baby into this mess?" We waited in the waiting room for 90 minutes and the doctor was with us for less than ten. I decided then it wasn't worth it.
I think if my son ever develops a sudden aversion to the doctor, I'll just keep trying to explain to him that doctors help sick people get well. I know when I was little, there was an awesome Sesame Street book I had about going to the doctor. I got strep throat almost every year and I knew that meant a shot whenever I went to the doctor. (My mom didn't do well visits either) So I hated it....but that book helped calm me down. Plus, my mom always promised us a donut after we left the doctor's office. Haha. :D
I work in a pediatrician's office. And its just as terrible for us when your child is scared as it is for you and traumatizing for the child. He's at the age now where you can almost begin to talk candidly about the shots to him. Explain that they will hurt but only for a moment and when its done, he can have another sticker (we do lolipops, but whatever works, or even take him out for a small ice cream, whatever it is, make sure its a treat enough that he wants it)
I wont go into a rant about vaccinations and herd immunity and what not because I'm sure you've heard it before. Its not going to hurt your child to give it to them later on, unless of course they come in contact with the disease between now and then. But most vaccine schedules are made so that we vaccinate the child before they have a chance to come into contact with it. Hepatitis A is given before your child enters preschool in order to prevent them from contracting it from other children (however, I'm sure as an adult you know, you can get it from anything-strawberries, oysters etc). But talk it over with your pediatrician and see how long he thinks you can safely extend the time before you give it. You seem to have a good working relationship with him and he can give you a medical opinion on it.
But for your child, your sanity, and those of us who work with them, work through this fear with him before you schedule your next appointment. Maybe he picked it up from a child in daycare/preschool?
John has always hated the doctor so I am of no help. He tells the doctors to leave, get out. I don't do anything. We tell him we are going to the doctor and since the pediatrician has never done anything to hurt him, we let him be dramatic.
When I was little I am told I was quite brave and never feared the Dr. That is until I went to a Dr. who drew blood for everything! I think your little guy will be ok again with the Dr. soon especially since he sounds like such a great Dr. I wouldn't worry too much!
My son turned three in October. But due to a certain big insurance company being a pain in my.... turns out some companies can refuse to insure a child if there is joint custody and the other parent is responsible for any of the medical expenses.
My son has been on Medicaid until my husband's company could switch companies, which goes in effect tomorrow. The issue is, that urgent care and one clinic in a town of 300,000+ accepts medicaid. So we literally had no choices. So today, I am looking for a pediatrician that accepts our new company, which my son can be on.
So here in a few weeks, we will be doing our 3 year check up. I do all vaccinations except Chicken Pox. My son got Chicken Pox at 15 months, from my aunt that had shingles. Not the mention the fact that if you get immunized, there is a chance you can get it at an adult age. Also, my doctor told me of cases where the immunization can cause chicken pox. I'd just rather let my child build up the immunity on their own when they catch it. It is harmless to a healthy child.
My son loves to play doctor. So I figure we will just explain that he's going to the doctor. We will have to do the whole shots hurt, but only for a minute thing. The one thing my mom has always told me, is that you never compare a shot to an animal or insect. If the child isn't already scared of the animal/insect they will be when you're done.
Also, from personal experience, don't "lay" on your child. That used to be super traumatizing for me, the thought that my mom was laying on me to keep me from "escaping". As an adult I know it was so that I wouldn't jerk and break the needle. Now a lot of doctors do them in the thigh, and that is what I'm going to request for my son. So that he can see whats happening, I can hold both his hands (firmly, but lovingly), and the nurse can gently yet firmly hold the leg she is giving the shot in. I find that kids are curious, and want to know what is going on. My son liked to watch when getting his blood drawn, last year. So I hope that hasn't changed.
we will not be vaccinating our children with anything so there will be no reason for them to not like our doctor. I even like him, and I hate doctors.. but ours is especially nice and great with kids. Even his nurse is a sweetheart.
I've always always always hated the doctor, to this day I still do, but I still go >:(
Our son is 2 1/2, and he had his swine flu shots. We prepped him by telling him the truth about it - the first time he was okay, and only cried for as long as it took to give him the shot (and again a few minutes later, in the car). The second time (three weeks later) of course he knew what was coming - but my husband, who took him, took his time to prep him and allowed him to take off his shirt rather than trying to hurry him and pulling the shirt off him. K did cry for a little bit, but was very impressed when people told him what a big boy he was.
I think two things are key: first, that you don't pretend it's not going to sting - because it does- and second, that you allow him to have his feelings of fear, and anxiety, and pain, and help him to work through those feelings. As far as I can tell, you are doing a great job at those, so just keep doing that, and he will be fine.
(I totally get how you don't want him to develop a fear of doctors, though. Once, my son had to have an ultrasound done, and the lady was all "okay, strip him". We were like "wow, did you see that hun? That lady didn't even introduce herself!" LOL.... we just take whatever time he needs - if people want us to hurry, they can just get over it.)
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