For dinner tonight, my Bible study group went to our leader's house. Her room is on the third floor, and she shares the place with a family. The parents are both nurses; the father is going back to school right now. The son is almost 3, and there's a new baby on the way within the next week or two. As we walked in the door, my friend said that I would be the one to make friends with the little boy.
He was shy at first, but I talked to him and he warmed up to us pretty nicely. They left us alone for dinner, but mother and son came down as we were waiting for dessert to finish baking. I tried again to talk with the boy, and he was quite willing to tell me what color his clementine was, his favorite color, and that his father is studying anesthesia. [Side note: if you ask him what anyone else studies, or what he's going to learn at preschool in the spring, that's also his answer.]
He knows words like "clavicle" and "emesis", too. He's not so good at basic shapes. He has a lot of allergies, and he was surprisingly good as we ate our cake about not bothering us for some, but when his mom asked him to tell us what he's allergic to, he said, "cake". "What else?" "Peanuts." "Yes. What else are you not supposed to eat?" "Christmas lights!"
When we went upstairs to see our leader's room, the boy wanted to show us his. Not only did he show us his room, he let me play with his toy trains. And he even gave me Thomas! And not only that, but when I made Thomas roll over to him, he rolled it right back to me. My leader said that he rarely opens up that much to strangers.
It always amazes me how kids just know how to play. They can make do with anything, anyone, anywhere; they'll come up with situations from life to mimic and ones that are completely out of this world. They take turns being the mean teacher and the bullied student and the winner and loser in battles. Their imaginations are endless.
My friend was right; I was the one to make friends with the little boy. We talked about it later, and she confessed that she's never very comfortable around kids; she doesn't know what to do with them. For me, it's natural. Maybe it's because I've always volunteered with the children's program at church, or maybe it's an inherent talent that I know what to do with little ones. She's not even sure what to do when she has one of her own some day (waaaaaaay in the future, if you ask her). But, we pointed out that, unless you adopt, you don't start out with a whiny four-year-old. You begin with an infant and learn along with her.
What do you think? Is knowing how to play with kids a natural ability? Is there an instinct that must kick in when baby's born? And do you miss the pure, imaginative play of your childhood? I sure do sometimes.
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Comments (6)
I definitely think some people have more of a natural ability with children. I do think that being nervous around children (perhaps because they haven't been around them much or what not) prevents so people from making wonderful connections with kids. And then I also think that some people just aren't meant to be around children, they just don't like them for whatever reason or they just can't relate.
I think that some people have a natural ease with children. But I also think children have an instinct of who is trustworthy. It's almost a survival instinct. Children may be gullible but they have an instinct about whether or not someone is a person they should be comfortable around and they act accordingly.
I also don't think knowing how to play is a natural instinct for a child. When we got my daughters (and when my brother regained custody of his daughter, my niece) we could hand the kids toys and they would just look at them. It happens a lot with children who have not had the kind of interaction that encourages play and they have to literally be taught how to be playful.
I miss my childhood, period. :p It wasn't really easy when it came to peers, but everything was still a lot more simple. I had less to worry about, and I had less to fear. And I had more support in family.
But, yes, children playing is a natural instinct. I think just about every species of animal does it in some form. A lot of wild animal cubs and kits will play with each other in a rough way to mimic things like fighting: attacking and defending, for example. Chimps and other apes and monkeys do it a lot more in line with the way our children do (I believe its been noticed that they even play tag-like games!), but mostly it is learning about life and life situations and skills you will need, in a way that someone young and with a young brain can understand on a much more simple level.
The difference between wild animals and our kids (other than the obvious) is that they have different life skills and things to learn. So, their play is obviously going to be different. But, yes, it is instinctual, to an extent. :)
And certainly some people (men and women alike) are more inclined toward child-rearing and are comfortable around children and taking care of them and communicating with them. Then there are others (again, men and women alike) who, like your friend, really just isn't comfortable at all with children and doesn't know what to do with them when forced to be around them. I'm that way, and let me tell you if a kid starts crying when I'm around them I worry that suddenly the mother will be in my face and asking what I did to her child, even if I barely even looked at her child. :p
So, I guess you could say that instead of just not knowing what to do with kids, I'm more afraid of them than anything. :p But, truthfully, its a good deal of both.
you dont need to teach children how to play, they have to be allowed to play from the beginning of life or they forget. our two year old has the most delightful personality, and he loves to play. But we have allowed him to discover everything in his world. We didn't babyproof, we toddler proofed our house so I did not have to tell him no 25000 times a day. Everything within his reach (and mostly everything in his veiw) is something he can have to play with. And play he does! I did not have to teach him how to play, he taught me. All I did was make his world safe and let him be the amazing silly little boy that he is.
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