Monday, 07 December 2009

• Obstruction of Cravings

  

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  The other night, for once, I got out of work before one o' clock in the morning. Usually when I work a closing shift I'm scheduled from 4pm-12am. However that rarely happens. Needless to say, I was quite excited and had decided to celebrate by getting a small ice cream cone from McDonald's off of their dollar menu. It sounded rather creamy and cool and delicious. So I drive across our center's parking lot, get to the drive through line, they take my order and just as I start to lift my foot off the break to pull forward the lady comes back on and says, "oh yeah, no cards, just cash orders." Desperately I sift through my change realizing I'm about a quarter short. Heat rises in my face and my eyes mist over slightly as hormones and hunger hit all at once. "Sorry, I don't have enough. Cancel my order." I drive away frustrated, as I can't believe I don't have $1.07 in change.
  
  A few minutes later, on my drive home, I conclude that what I'd really like is some hot chocolate and decide to swing by the Kwik Trip gas station near my home. As I'm driving the 30 minute drive I talk myself into how much better the hot chocolate will be than the ice cream cone. It's all warm, creamy, and chocolatey...and almost the exact same price. "It's going to be delicious and worth the wait," I tell myself. When I get to the Kwik Trip I great the attendant, a twenty-something young man who frequently works the evening shift. He has long blond hair, longer than mine. His gaze is always a bit more intense than I think he realizes as he has one brown eye and one blue eye, something that always intrigues me when I see him.
  
  I grab a 20 oz cup from near the coffee dispenser and head around to the back side where the hot chocolate machine is. Much to my chagrin I see a bright orange sign that says "temporarily out of order, sorry for any inconvenience." My heart drops. Quickly and in a slight panic, I scan the other hot drink dispensers...french vanilla, hazelnut, pumpkin spice, chai tea...none bear the name of the sweat, creamy, and un-caffeinated drink that I've been longing for for the last 30 minutes. "Crud." is all I manage to say. The attendant asks, "what are you looking for?" And I tell him, his face turns a bit ashen as I know he realizes that's probably all I've stopped in for as I normally just come in for one small thing to get a little food fix, some grape juice, a sandwich, a scotcheroo bar...a hot chocolate. "Sorry," he says, "it's been out of order for two days now. A lot of our customers are frustrated." Knowing it's not his fault I flash him an understanding smile, quickly say good night, put my cup back and head to my car.
  
  The still, cool air hits me as I step out of the door and walk to my car. I open it up and sit inside for a frustrated, misty eyed second before turning the key over and driving out of the station. My next craving then hits me, creamy and warm...and cheesy! Macaroni and cheese! That sounds great! I'll make some of that when I get home!
  
  A big satisfied grin spreads across my face as I open the door from the garage and start to take off my shoes. Unlike my previous two cravings, I actually start to salivate as I think of how yummy my macaroni and cheese is going to taste when I eat it. Oh I can hardly wait! I head upstairs shedding my coat and setting my purse near our blue lamp in the living room. Heading into the kitchen my nose imagines the delectable aroma of one of my favorite comfort foods. I get out the small pot and the strainer. Then I open the cupboard to grab the blue and orange box of Kraft macaroni and cheese. But...where is it?! In a panic I shift boxes around for a few seconds thinking that surely there must be one box in there, we always have macaroni and cheese on hand! How could we not? I then recall a few nights ago that I had been craving it and Kevin said we were out...and I hadn't yet bought anymore.
  
  At this point the tears are beyond just welling up in my eyes. They are gently pouring out onto my cheeks as I pout about not having any of the foods my little girl and I are craving.
  
  Logic tells me that I may be a little over dramatic in saying this...but seriously, this feels like one of the worst nights of my life.
  
  

   
  

  28 weeks (we need to take a 30 week pic soon!)

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