Thursday, 03 December 2009
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Help! I'm Not Ready for My Child to Enter Puberty!
I am a single parent, and like most single moms my life on a daily basis is a bit nuts. I also work with children as a teacher's aide during the day and with the Boys and Girls Club after school. I spend more than my fair share of time with kids. In recent months I've noticed that puberty sets in when these kids are so young!
My child is no exception to this. I shouldn't be surprised, and really I feel more like bothered. I have a nine-year-old who is beginning puberty. I remember when it was me, but I was a bit older (or so I'm told). She cries about everything and nothing all the time, she gets super grouchy, and whines about everything known to man at this stage of her life. Meanwhile she makes me so crazy, that some days I don't even want to be bothered. At 9-years-old she is growing boobs and all sorts of things and let me tell you I AM SO NOT READY. What I am, is petrified.
I ask myself the same questions over and over again when I look at her:
1.What happened and how did I miss it happening so fast and furious?
2. Who is this child? Are you sure she is mine?
3. OMG, I can't choke her?
Let's face it, my 'baby' is growing up and no amount of prayer or wishing can stop it, slow it down or delay it in any shape way or form. I just have to face the facts. Period.
Just last week, I had to buy her training bras (that was scary as hell) and after washing them she wanted to wear one. "Okay" I thought "No big deal, she needs to start learning now anyway". As I'm walking through the house I hear her calling me like she is hurt, or like she broke something and I'm thinking of all the possible things that could happen when she is in the bathroom alone. I run all the way downstairs to see what she wants only to hear her say the following, "mommie can you help me put on my bra?" I was so unprepared for this that I almost dropped my phone.
She is like me in so many ways and in the same breath we are so different. I was not like this at all when I was going through puberty, I was grumpy, and severely unfriendly. Being that she is so much like me, I was totally prepared for such behavior. But this crying shit, is not what I planned for. Most times I just let her cry and walk away, saving myself the drama.
How are you doing with this idea of your child or children entering puberty?
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About the Author
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- From: nubian_qween@xanga
- Name: nubian_qween
- About Me: I am who I am, you don't have to like it, but you will respect it.
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Comments (45)
My niece is ten and she's going through puberty. She started growing boobs at 9! I can't believe that it happened so early. And one time, for some reason, she came up to me and said "look I have hair down here!" I was like..um. Uh. PULL UP YOUR PANTS!! I was shocked because I've never had anyone run up to me showing off their..ya know. And because she was already going through all the stuff I didn't go through until I was about 13 or 14.
But eleven or 12 really isn't too early for periods these days..so. I guess that's next?
I don't even look forward to this. I have two girls. that is going to be TOO MUCH!
I am lucky, sorta. My daughter is turning 10 in January and has shown no physical signs of puberty. What is better than that is she doesn't want to grow up and would rather stay my baby for the time being. This is great in some ways, but I admit I worry about how she deals with friends since so many of the other girls in her class are already obsessing about clothes, boys and their own development. I just hope she handles puberty better than I did because it will hit hard and fast when it does (if she is anything like my mom and I were).
Of all the scary things about the idea of being a mother someday (which at this point I am not sure is ever going to happen).... female puberty scares me the most. When I was a kid most of us didn't START puberty until at least 13. I find it intriguing that it seems to be starting so much earlier these days, but then again (and I hope this isn't offensive) I have noticed that girls of color start WAY earlier than their paler counterparts, as a general rule. It was like this when I was a kid too, but even they didn't start until 11 or so. I can't imagine being 9 and starting puberty... crazy!
I'm not a mom but I gotta say I think your policy to just walk away and let her work her drama out herself is a good one. It isn't what I would have wanted as a pre-teen but it just seems like a good thing not to encourage the hormone-driven reactions, especially since they are over as quick as they start (until they start again 5 minutes later lol).
I don't have any kids. I'm only 21.
But, I went through puberty early too. I was 8 and a half when I first started growing boobs, but by 9 they were more noticeable. I started getting pubic hair at 9, also. I started my period 3 months after my 10th birthday.
I hated it and I hated my body.
There is nothing wrong about not wanting your daughter to grow up. As long as she isn't 15 and you want her to be a baby, then it's okay. She is only 9 and to me, 9 year old are still little kids, even if they are going through puberty.
I don't have kids. I'm 23.
I started puberty when I was about 10, but didn't start having my period until I was 14. I don't really remember how my mom reacted. I just remember her explaining what was going on, and this was when I was 10.
I'm a single mom raising a son. He's a baby still... but I'm petrified I won't be able to explain to him what is going on with his body. I'm educated in that arena (several college level anatomy/physiology courses, one child development course, one child psychology course...) but all that technical knowledge and graphical know-how is no substitute for the fact that I don't have a penis and can't possibly know what he'll be feeling. I just hope that when the time comes, I'll have the answer he needs in a way that wont be embarrassing for him.
I feel the same way you do! My daughter is 10 and acting totally hormonal. (OMG, I can't choke her hits the nail on the head!) She knows everything that is happening with her body and about sex...I wanted to be open and honest with her because my mom was not with me. She is so excited about puberty. I swear she looks out for pubic hairs, ha ha! I totally dread her starting her period but I've resolved that when it does happen we're going to celebrate with a girls night out. A kind of welcome to womanhood thing. Still, hoping I don't have to do that for at least a couple more years though.
Oh boy. At least with girls you have been through the experience and can relate somewhat. What if you were a single mom with a pre-teen son having wet dreams and boners that he can't exactly control and sprouting a lil hairlip with a zit face and a voice that alternates between falsetto and baritone every other syllable. If I have a son I'm going to get him to that age and then hand him to my husband and say "here ya go!" lol
I hit puberty at nine, got boobs at that age, but didn't get my period until I was 11. So I got my period way later than a lot of my friends, but I had the biggest boobs in school until like ninth grade. It was so strange. I wasn't really conscious about it, though, until the end of eighth--I didn't notice stares and I assumed people thought I was older because I'm so tall. Ha. My mom always made sure I had what I needed though, and knew what I needed to.
don't EVER walk away from her while she is crying. That is my worst memory of growing up and nothing can change that, I had a lot happen but this was flat out abandonment and even if she didn't see it that way (which I still to this day don't know) that was what it felt like.
DON'T EVER DO THAT AGAIN.
I had the beginnings of boobs at 9, but I don't think I needed a bra until I was about 11 or so...So I don't think starting puberty at 9 is that weird...But I was one of the first in my class, and that can be a difficult experience. I didn't want to grow up, but I had a period in 5th grade, I got teased for wearing a bra, and I was way taller than everyone else. And don't even get me started on swimming class...I don't know if your daughter's friends have started developing or not, but if they haven't, I'm not surprised she's crying. There's a lot of weirdness that comes with being the first girl in your class to start getting boobs.
I started puberty at 10 and got my period at 12. I think my 9 1/2 year old sister may possibly be starting puberty (she has the beginning of a breast bud on the left side of her chest). It is freaky that girls are getting periods as young as 8 and having sex as young as 10 now. I didn't even think about sex at all as a teenager.
My mother was a single mom so when I went through puberty she sort of ignored it...well not ignored, but let's say she just didnt talk to me about it. I know she didnt know how to deal with a boy going through puberty. The whole idea of me being sexual scared her and I was one raging hormone. It sucked.
I think I started puberty around 10 years old - well, started growing breasts and what not, but didn't need a bra 'til I was almost 12. At 10, I also started developing hair in places I didn't previously have it. Menarche happened when I was 13. I don't remember how I was during this time though...well, actually, no, I do. I was quiet. I was afraid. I didn't talk to anyone about what changes were happening. I just let them happen. I don't remember being horribly cranky or unfriendly though. *shrugs* Maybe I was...haha. No clue.
My cousin is in the late stages of puberty at 12. She's a little stand-off-ish, but overall, she's still nice. :P
I'm only 20 though and don't have children, esp. not ones entering puberty! haha
They were always talking in health about puberty, like you couldn't escape it lol. I had the body changing talk/ sex probably like 4 times starting in elementary school(5 grade, just puberty), and 3 years of health in middle school. There is this kool book in the children section of Barnes and Noble, its all about puberty.
girls are getting it younger these days, especially if they drink a lot of milk, the growth hormones are still present and if you drink it regularly it will trigger earlier puberty. that and less activity, there have been studies suggesting daily exercise(like maybe 45 min a day of moderate level), can keep puberty at bay for some amount of time, 6 months-1.5 years or so...
i knew girls who began puberty as young as 8, i didnt have any signs until 11-12...got my period when i was 13.5...now i just rarely get it because idk, i get hormonal imbalances easily from exerise, whenever i do any moderate activity even just for like a week, it just totally kills my periods...but i donate blood every 4 months so whatev...
but i remember when i was going through the moodiness of it all...i hated how my dad treated me, it was like he just wanted to throw me away or something, and it made everything worse(still pissed about that)...same with my mom, but not as bad, she just kinda kept her distance as usual...seems like puberty is a dark time for many girls...most of my friends all got a bit standoffish, and just had bad years during that time, full of awkwardness and uncomfortableness...
I started puberty at about 10, of course I still have 12 yro girl boobs xD
I think it's a shame that you just walk away from her when she cries
You should hold her, this is a time in her life when she needs to be held a lot
She may remember feeling like she's going through this alone and feeling like a burden or just a problem for you
That's at least how I felt
I started puberty at the age of 9, too, though I didn't act so emotional like that.
I don't remember starting puberty.
I don't remember growing boobs, i don't remember getting hair anywhere, I just remember that I noticed that it was gross one day. I don't remember actually getting it.
I DO remember that I got my period when I was 12.
@Fairywife@xanga - NO she didn't show you!!!
Buying a pack of razors to shave with $4.99. Showing the new growth on her snatch... PRICELSS.
@BohemianLamb@xanga - Well it boils down to this, I either walk away or make it worse. You do thoe math,I choose life for her on this one. lol
@Traci_Ladd@xanga - Yeah thats my plan too. So far she is fairly well versed with the pad, but the tampon..... yeah about that. I have no idea how to explain that to her.
@azure_clarity@lovelyish - me too
@DraigStudio@xanga - Glad you're on here! I have a question (two, actually):
Do you think you would have preferred her initiate a conversation about it, or would that have been too awkward? Or would you have preferred to ask questions (did you feel you were able to go to her)?
I'm jumping the gun here, I know- my baby isn't even a year old... but I'm curious.