Sunday, 29 November 2009
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The Bath Battle
Guest post from Mama TRUE
How often does your child take a bath? Mine takes one about every two – three weeks. No, I did not mistype “weeks” for “days”. I mean it. He goes a loooong time without a bath. I wipe his bottom thoroughly many times a day. If he’s got sticky stuff on his face, dirt on his legs, or paint on his arms, he gets a sponge bath. So that really happens almost daily, so he’s not really dirty per se. I know I have to give him a bath when he starts to smell a little or when my chin starts breaking out from his hair rubbing against it as I carry him.It used to be that we could give Cavanauagh a bath every day or three and he was happy to play with his ducks or boats then get his body soaped off, but if we were trying to wash his hair, he wanted out. I tried everything I could think of and anyone else’s suggestions to counter his fear of water in his eyes. I put a washcloth over his eyes. He didn’t like not being able to see. I gave him a washcloth to put over his own eyes. He wouldn’t hold it there so water would drip to his eyes. I tried getting him to tip his head back. but inevitably, he’d return to upright just in time for the water to drip down his forehead. Ugh!
I recently read the suggestion that I should laminate a picture and tape it to the ceiling so he could see it as he washed his hair. I’ll probably do that because we need variety to counter resistance in this house. I even talked to Cavanaugh about how brave he’d been after he did let me wash and rinse his hair. For months afterward, as he was getting out of the bath, he would remind me that he had been brave. As I’d wrap him in his hoodie towel, I responded each time with, “Yes you were. You felt scared but you did it anyway. That is brave.”
The point came when Cavanaugh associated baths with hair washing and so he didn’t want to go in them at all. Even if he was allowed to go a few baths with no wet hair, he was resistant to the bath each time because we might want to wash his hair. I began to picture my boy as the teenager who wouldn’t shower: the body odor, the battles. I kept hoping he would outgrow his resistance or fear. When he’d get water in his eyes in the swimming pool or sprinklers it didn’t phase him at all. I tried reasoning with my two year old. That didn’t work.
Then my friend Lisa offered me the bath tip to rival all bath tips. She suggested that I just not fill the tub so much. That way he could lie down and control how his hair got wet. He loves it. He often wants me to cup the back of his head as he lies down so that he doesn’t slip. He will sometimes request that I keep it cradling him but once he can feel his hair floating, I can usually slip my hand from beneath him. He will look up towards the faucets and that helps get the top of his head wet. I can even cup my palm to pour water on the parts that aren’t soaked. He’ll sit up, let me lather him up, then he’ll lie back down.
So why are the baths still so infrequent? We have over two years of resistance. It’s a habit. He thinks he doesn’t want to take a bath though once he’s in there, he has a pretty good time. And I forget to even offer I am so used to a son who doesn’t bathe. We’re both working on it.
How does your child like the bath? Will s/he take showers? We’re not even close to those yet. Please share your tips and terrors. Happy bathing!
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About the Author
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- From: mamatrue
- Name: mamatrue
- About Me: Sonya S. Feher is stay-at-home-mama to Cavanaugh True. She found out she was an attachment parent when she and Cavanaugh were invited to a playgroup full of AP families. Loath to admit she had no idea what AP was, she went home and Googled it. Sure enough, her new friends were right. Since then, she has become a co-leader of the South Austin chapter of Attachment Parenting International, a contributing editor for API Speaks, and a columnist for The Attached Family. She blogs about parenting at http://mamatrue.com and writing at http://sonyafeher.com. You can contact her at mamatrue (at) sonyafeher (dot) com.
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Comments (13)
Hey, you're the parent...you know what's best for your child. I give my children baths every day in the summer time. They get sweaty, dirty, etc. In the winter time I give my kids bath every other day or after two days. Both my daughters have very thick hair and it really does get gross after a day or so.
Both of my kids love the bath. Kailyn (age three) hates getting IN the bath, because she would rather be doing something else. Once she is in though, she loves it. I put alot of toys in, bubbles, etc. Have you or your hubby tried taking a bath WITH him? My husband will take showers with my daughters, but he puts his swim trunks on, if you have a problem with your son seeing your naked. =)
I just recently moved to a smaller basement apt. and we dont' have a bathtub, we have a stand up box with a shower in it, it's a little ridiculous, but it works. my 18 month old daughter has always really loved baths, and although when we first moved to this new place I wasn't sure how she'd act with showers (we have a moveable showerhead so it's not constantly spraying her...) I pull it down with and let it hang while spraying and I put her box of ducks in there and she loves it, she'll even play with the shower head like it's a coolf ountain, thankfully I've never had an issue with her bathing, though she doesn't like to shower with me or her dad, which is just fine, as long as she doesn't mind getting clean...and we do this around every other day or so.
Megan will willingly crawl into the shower if you don't take her with you and she absolutely loves the bath. Though we've yet to have any luck talking the newly 1 year old into tilting her head back, most of the time I'm in the bath with her and since we're still nursing, I've found that the easiest way to get her to put her head back to that the water doesn't get in her eyes is to latch her on and let her have a snack! She's in the right position and closes her eyes when she feels the water, but she stays put and I get her hair washed!
So long as your kid is used to them, swim goggles can work wonders for keeping soap out of the eyes. They make bath time seem more like swimming, and you can pour all the water you want over their head and it won't get in your kid's eyes. You can even give them a snorkel to play with and they will willingly stick their face under water to explore like a scuba diver, especially if you sink items for them to find. Then it's just a matter of pouring water over the back of their head
Whenever a kid develops an unreasonable fear/resistance to something, it sometimes helps to completely switch up the routine while establishing an entirely new one. I.e. you have to alter/confuse their negative associations and replace them with positive ones. Note at what point your kid starts freaking out about/resisting the bath. Maybe it's whenever you say the word "bath" or "time for a bath." Or when you pull out a certain towel or shampoo or toy, etc. Once you realize which things are triggering the negative response to bathtime, then try to avoid saying/doing those things leading up to bath time. Change up the routine. Maybe say you are going to go for a swim, or use a different word other than "bath". Throw on the swim trunks or goggles for fun. Get them excited about some bath crayons or foam that they get to use. Do the bath in the morning instead of the evening. Get one of those inflatable bathtubs that you can put inside your bathtub. Whatever it is that will confuse/disguise bath time as they know it for them. Just don't go so over the top with making bathtime exciting that it's not something you'd be willing to do every day for bath time. You're trying to establish a new routine. Then remain excited. As for establishing a regular routine, when you notice your child is having fun in the tub, ask/remind them about how much fun they're having, and while they're having fun, let them know that you're going to do this every day (or every two days, or every wednesday, etc). Keep reminding them of this as they're having fun, and when they get out of the tub, let them help you set a timer or alarm that will go off when it's time for the next bath, or make a water proof calendar chart you can hang in the bathroom that they get to cross off every day. On days they take a bath, they get to pick out a fun sticker to place on the calendar on the next bath day, so they know when to expect it, and they will do this when the fun of bath time is fresh in their mind, so every day you go into the bathroom to check off the calendar, you can let them discover for themselves whether it is a bath day or not, based on where they placed the sticker. And it'll help you commit/remember too. Good luck!
p.s. Although it's great to teach kids to be brave and face their fears, I also have to wonder if constantly emphasizing how brave your son is whenever he takes a successful bath isn't inadvertantly re-enforcing the thought in his mind that bath time is indeed something to be afraid of/nervous about. His mom, who is all powerful and not afraid of anything in his mind, just gushed about how BRAVE he was for taking a bath! Even SHE must see how scary the bath is! If it requires bravery to take a bath, because the bath is a scary thing, then on those days that he just isn't feeling very brave, he will give in to his fears and make bath time difficult. It may help to take more of a "no big deal; this is fun" approach to the bath. I.e. you don't need bravery to take a bath, because a bath isn't a scary thing! It is a fun thing! Kind of along the same lines as laughing/applauding or smiling encouragingly when your kid is learning to walk and they fall down on their bottom. They were about to scream until they see that you're not upset with it, and they realize it's no big deal and they're ok. Kids are very good at reading us and look to us for reassurance and guidelines as to what's what in the world. What to be afraid of, what to be happy about, what to avoid, etc. Sometimes we work so hard to validate their emotions and concerns that we forget to be that reassuring force of reason that lets them know how the world works and instead keep feeding their fantasies/nightmares. I.e. instead of saying "don't worry sweetheart; there is no monster in your closet. There are just clothes and shoes, see? You are safe in your room and we are right across the hall. If you feel scared, just remember that it is only clothes and shoes" we say "I'll bet that monster in your closet frightens you, doesn't it? You are a very brave child for sleeping in your room even though you are scared of the monster in your closet." This second approach is more likely to keep the monster in the closet fantasy going longer, because it validates it as a legitimate concern, instead of reassuring the kid that there is nothing to be afraid of.
sorry this was supposed to be a short p.s.!I bathe mine every couple of weeks, too. She's a baby, she doesn't get too dirty. I don't know, it's just so so so so so much hassle and kind of scary to try and bathe a screaming squirming baby. I do wipe her face and her little neck rolls all the time (and of course her bottom every diaper change). She was fine with baths when she was still in her newborn sling, but now that she can sit up on her own it's awful. If anyone has suggestions for a new sitter/roller/crawler sized baby, please reply and let me know!!
Our twins also hated having their hair washed and worse yet they would wind each other up ahead of time, so twice the drama. We countered this by only washing their hair once every 3 or 4 baths and letting most of the baths just be fun baths where they could play. Once they associated the bath with playtime we were able to wash their hair more frequently with less drama.
@furyyes@xanga - http://www.amazon.com/Spa-Baby-Spababy-Upright-Tummy/dp/B001AJ69CS
We had a little one who was just sitting and starting to crawl and she hated the baths. Then we borrowed one of the Spa Baby baths and she loveeeeed it. I highly recommend this tub! Its great to use for a foot bath or toy bin or even laundry container after baby has outgrown it.
We bath our little man 3 times a week, but he is very busy 2 year old who is in the "get my hands as drity as possible and rub it in my hair" phase. He went through about 3 weeks of hating the bath, but we just pushed through and bathed him as quick as we could. Like all things in childhood, this too shall pass.
My mom used to lay us on the kitchen counter and wash our hair in the kitchen sink. That way it was like a salon! Our hair got clean and there was no problem with water and soap in our eyes. We always thought it was a special treat, too!
My mom washed our hair the same way the person above mentioned.
My brother had this fear too. My dad would sit him in the tub with out stopping up the drain and use the shower head on a hose to wash him. It is still the only way he will bathe.
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