Thursday, 26 November 2009

• Some House Rules for My Household! Are You Listening Family?

  

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  Yes, it is that time once again. I am having one of those days where the entire family (including the dog) is on my nerves. This shall be the family edition of things I wish people understood. As always, my tongue is firmly in my cheek when I write these. If you lack a sense of humor, please stop now. Humor is required to understand the list. Thanks!
  
  

  • When you are warming something up in the microwave that contains gravy; it IS going to splatter. Put a cover over it or clean the mess yourself. An "Oh, I am so sorry honey" really doesn't get the microwave clean now does it?
  • Beds are made for sleeping. No, dragging your mattress into the living room because "it is more comfortable" makes no sense and is really annoying when I get up in the morning and have to step over said mattress
  • When you only get sick at your friends house, perhaps I am correct and it is the five indoor dogs that are causing your eyes to turn red and burn. For once, listen to your mother.
  • For the two middle schoolers; your grades are now up online. I can check to see if your homework is completed or not, so don't lie about it. You will be caught
  • Emily, diapers are to be worn at all times. I know you like commando, but my furniture doesn't.
  • Doing the dishes without being told will earn you a huge thank you. What it will not earn you is your electronics back. I said three weeks, I meant three weeks. You want them back, bring up your grades and alter your attitude. Kissing up is nice, but it doesn't negate the reason for the punishment.
  • Picking up the books does not mean shoving them onto the shelf. There is an order and it is pretty simple to figure out. (Yes, I am anal. You would be to if you had seven kids.)
  • When I am on the phone is not the best time to ask me to help with homework, what I did that day, can you do something this weekend, etc. I spend less than ten minutes on the phone a week; can't you just give me that ten minutes in peace?
  • No, you cannot use my laptop "real quick" if Caleb is on the other computer. Are you high? Wait your turn or read a book. The laptop is the one thing in the house that is MINE. I do not share.
  • Yes, Wednesday is still date night and no, you can't come with us.
  • Why yes, as a matter of fact that is a new purse. When you get a job you can buy yourself things too. Until then, appreciate what you are given and quit rolling your eyes when I get something new.
  • No, I don't care if your English teacher claims it is "manditory" that I attend this open house. When she can learn to spell "mandatory" tell her I will be there. Until then, I am busy.
  • The whole "all my teacher's hate me" excuse is getting old. If that were the case they would all be passing you so that they wouldn't have to deal with you next year. They are failing you because you aren't doing your work. Go figure.
  • When I say "stay" that means stay. It does not mean wait until I get the gate open and escape when my arms are too full to stop you. (that was for the dog)
  • I don't care how many times that crazy lady calls; I am still in the shower and Dad is still sleeping. Yes, even if it is 6a.m.
  • Yet again, dinner is whatever is placed in front of you at dinner time.
  • Speaking of, we eat at pretty much the same time each night. I have never forgotten to feed you, so please do not ask me a thousand times what time dinner is. It will be the same time as always.
  • I still don't know what time Dad is coming home or if he is working on his days off. Ask him.
  • When I am battling the flu, I don't care how sexy I look in my ratty sweats and oversized sweatshirt. No means no, dammit.
    

  Okay, that is all for now. Not as funny as normal, but I have been having off days.
  
  So what are the house rules in your house? How do you get the family to listen?
  

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