Monday, 23 November 2009
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Dining Out with the Kids
The other day my mom grandma and I were enjoying a nice quiet meal at a casual restaurant. That is until a family with 5 children arrived. My mom and grandma instantly braced themselves, ready for our nice dinner to turn bad.
I kept positive at first, until the family was seated directly next to us. Before the first child even sat down she accidentally banged into my chair, almost knocking my purse off of the back. I drew in a deep breath and braced myself for the worst just like my elders had done.
And then to my surprise, the kids were great! After everyone sat and settled down the mother explained how she expected the rest of the evening to go. She reminded the children that they were at a restaurant with other people who were eating. She also reminded them of the difference between inside voices and outside voices and that in the restaurant inside voices were to be used. The mother then proceeded to read off the Kid’s Menu to her children and asked them each what they would like to order. All of her children listened to her and behaved accordingly.
My mom, grandma and I were really impressed with how that mother handled eating out with 5 kids that evening.
Obviously, kids will be kids and things are not always going to go this smoothly while eating out in a restaurant. So here is an example of how another family I once witnessed handled an unruly child probably around the age of four.
I was out to eat with my family when the child in the booth next to us started standing on her seat, crying and pretty much throwing a tantrum.
First the father calmly warned the girl that they were going to go home if she did not stop throwing a tantrum. The girl did not seem phased by what her father said and continued to carry on. The father then calmly took her hand and walked her out of the restaurant.
The mother informed us that they were not really leaving but that the husband was just sitting with the daughter in their car until she calmed down. Within just a couple of minutes the father and the daughter came back into the restaurant and with the child now calm, finished their meal. I also thought that this family handled a less than ideal situation in a public place rather well.
What do you do when you bring the kids out to eat at a restaurant? Have you ever had an embarrassing experience despite your best efforts?
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About the Author
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- From: michcoy@xanga
- Name: Michelle
- About Me: I am a full-time nanny who loves to write whenever I can. I also love being outdoors whenever possible. Camping, hiking and kayaking are a few of my favorite activities.
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Comments (16)
My 16 month old daughter has never been too much of a problem. She is at a stage now, though, where she screams when she gets excited, so we are starting to teach her the difference between inside and outside voices. We take along crackers, or give her crackers we get with our soup, so she's not crying out in hunger. I also like how coloring, with the crayons she gets, distracts her for at least 5 minutes if not more. I, personally, like sitting in a section where there are more kids and families or in the back, so that if she does act up or make noise, we're not in the center of the restaraunt. Plus, she likes to watch other kids. That usually keeps her quiet too...
I don't know if I'm lucky, or my kids are well disciplined, but they are very well behaved when we eat out. *knocks on wood*
Just the other night we were at a restaurant and the waitress commented how well behaved the kids were.. they were just sitting there and coloring.. they would chit chat, but not too loud. Our almost 1 year old is usually the one who starts up, of course- he's just a baby lol... so we'll take him outside to walk around a bit "burn some energy".. or I'll nurse him.. or some crackers work. Depending on his mood- we usually find what works.LOL thanks for the heads up on people's reactions when a family with 5 kids comes walking in... I've often wondered what people thought as we enter a restaurant with our 5 kids! Hopefully them seeing my kids behaving, chills them out a bit when the next big family comes by.
I think the parents did a great job in both settings.
my only issue is that the conversation the mother had about setting the standards for the night, should have been done at home (or in the car) before coming into the restaurant.
I would never reprimand my child in a public place, that is to be done in private (even if they are just taken out to the vehicle).
Our two year old is very good in public, but he gets very overwhelmed when it comes to restaurants.
So to make it a success for him, we go about an hour before there will be a big rush or we go to less busy places. Food courts are pretty much out for him right now. Even when it comes to big family dinners, we always make sure he eats a bit before we arrive, so that if he doesn't eat there he will still be happy.
We haven't had any problems with the kids that required actually leaving, but I've made a walk to the car before as well. With the 1 year old, we know better than to even try it if nap time has been compromised. There is one time when she'll be undeniably cranky and that is when she's tired. Otherwise, she's a delightful little diner. The boys are usually good, but need to be occasionally reminded of what's expected of them (the 7 year old is the one that took "the walk"); as that mother did when her children were first seated. (@LadyGwenivere@xanga - which I don't think was so much a reprimand...? It doesn't sound like she was getting on to any of the children for already poor behavoir, but gently reminding them of something that kids often forget in the time from the house to the restaurant or even the walk in from the car and the wait to be seated.)
I remember a dinner out while I was pregnant. My eyes bugged out of my head...there was a 9-12 month old baby on the other side of the isle and two tables up, a birthday party just the otherside of the half-wall between the booths, and a service dog just behind us. I braced myself, hard. I expected to leave with a headache and flea bites. I was not disappointed on the headache part, though it didn't come from any of the usual suspects but the group of four ADULTS seated directly across the isle from us, which, at 33 (we seriously walked away knowing his age, full relationship history, the size of his TV, the options on his car, and the fact that he celebrated Cinco De Mayo religiously even though he has no idea what the holiday is celebrating; he just likes tequila...), he still desperately needed someone to explain to him the idea of "indoor" voices.
Mean while, everyone else kept it down to a reasonable level and the baby giggled her way through the meal.
@filtered_sunlight - actually I referred to what the mother said to her children as a conversation, not a reprimand. I should have clarified that I don't think its right that parents yell (reprimand) their children in the middle of a public place. I did not indent that comment in reference to the two families in this post.
@LadyGwenivere@xanga - Sorry for the confusion...it does all run together and I didn't see a connection to the blog post or previous comments about people yelling at their kids in public...though cold meds may be contributing to my missing a page or two. LOL
I've noticed that kind of bracing when my family walks into a restaurant, we have 3 boys under the age of 6. We are much like the first family, gentle reminders before anything gets out of hand. We've never had any issues beyond having to remind them to keep their voice down a couple of times. We can gauge how things will end up by their attitudes before we go. If it's been one of those days and we still want to go out, we get take out and go back home. Best of both worlds.
Come to think about it I don't think we've ever even witnessed an issue with child(ren) at a restaurant, as a family anyway. My husband used to be a waiter and he has some stories but together I think we just pick really good times to go or we've just been lucky enough to have other families like ours surrounding us.
Dining out with kids... a bit of tough task for me. When kids are about the young ages, they do like to hip hop , and they like to move around. We need to manage them and to teach them why they need to behave well at restaurants. Sometimes, I prefer to dine at home, where I can enjoy my meals without keeping an eye on them.
What annoys me is when parents don't make their child/ren sit down in the booth and they are then doing everything possible to get the attention of the people in the next booth (namely us). I seriously think this starts when "cute" kids get away with this because the people in the next booth like to get the baby to smile and grin at them. I too am guilty of promoting this. However, it is not cute anymore when the kid is kicking the back of my seat and/or throwing food across the chair. I have actually had an entire cup of soda spilled on my back with absolutely no apology from the mother. There is a certain age at which it is no longer cute, and I think at any age, it is not appropriate for ANY child to stand up in the booth.
I've always taken my children almost everywhere I go and I do much the same thing your mom of 5 did when we enter a new situation. I explain to them very clearly what is expected of them and that does the trick. I think it works so well because it's simply the way it has always been for them. This is something we practice at home too so it's just a part of their lives. When they say good manners begin at home it's true. I make a point of regularly telling them how thankful I am that they are acting properly. There have been many times when people have given them treats for behaving so nicely which works as postitive reinforcement. Every once in a while I will reward them with something they really want like a new video game or something making sure to tell them that I am thankful that they are such great kids. I secretly love to see the fear on peoples faces when I walk in with all my children and then I really enjoy it as their faces relax when they realize that my children are no threat to their peaceful meal, movie, show or meeting.
@tsh44@xanga - I secretly love to see the fear on peoples
faces when I walk in with all my children and then I really enjoy it as
their faces relax when they realize that my children are no threat to
their peaceful meal, movie, show or meeting. LOL! Me too! I love to take all 5 of them grocery shopping. The looks are priceless when we walk in and we are always complimented on how well behaved and helpful the kids are by the checkers and baggers when we leave.
We don't have to do the "expectations talk" so much anymore with the older kids. They know what is expected at this point. But we do try to really plan our meals out to optimize the twins behavior. Parents with just one toddler (or worse people with no kids) have NO idea what it is like to control 2 two year olds who are not old enough to be reasoned with yet and who are only beginning to get the idea of consequences. The twins are usually very good but we know better than to push the meal too long because they do get restless. It's only really difficult when we can't control the timing of the meal because it's a birthday event or something that someone else has planned. Mostly though we just eat at home. It's less expensive and you don't have to deal with uptight people.
In general though, and yes parents DO need to teach their kids proper manners, etc., most people need to lighten up and give other people a break. Things like ADD and Autism are frequently undiagnosed in young children so that child that can't sit still may literally not be able to and that shouldn't mean a prison sentence of every meal at home for the parents. Yes, there are stories of kids doing horrendous things but in my experience that is not nearly the norm nor is it nearly as common as other people WAY over reacting to kids doing little things that are totally normal. I saw one older woman virtually assault a young mom after church on Sunday because she didn't take her INFANT daughter out fast enough for her liking. (mind you it did take her like 30 seconds to get out of the pew and to the back of the church
) So that need for consideration goes both ways.
We usually get compliments on how well our children behave when in public. Part of that has to do with the expectations we have for their behavior, and a lot of it has to do with us engaging with them the whole time. I usually have books to read to them, or games to play with them in the bag. Too often parents don't want to be bothered. We were out to eat once and the family of four next to us each had an electronic device, Dad was on his cell phone, Mom was looking intently at hers, son was playing a hand held and daughter had her headphones in. It was extremely sad. I used to work in a restaurant and one lady let her two year old literally run around the dining area while they sat in the lobby waiting for a table. She couldn't see her from where she sat, had no idea really where she was. She was too engrossed in her adult conversation. When I led her child back to her and reminded her that there were trays full of hot food that her daughter could easily knock over and hurt herself with, she gave me a death look.
Sounds like these parents are afraid to yell at their kids and will try to negotiate with them as if they were adults.
My mother would've said, "Be quiet or you're going in the car!" End of it. No explaining of this "restaurant voices". It seemed to work.
Great ways to handle it. I recently ate out with one of my sister in laws and her husband wiith their twin toddlers and my husband. They were terrors. Cute, but terrors. They were everywhere, under the table, running around the restaurant, etc. If they were my kids, I would have been so embarassed and DONE something, but they just smiled and carried on like nothing was going on while others stared and frowned. I don't agree with many of their parenting methods though... Even my husband said he doesn't like the way they handle their kids and that's his sister, lol.
Wow, those are some awesome examples! We try to do the same thing when we go out, but we don't go out often. We cook, to save money, and also to make sure our family gets the nutrition we need. We do try to explain to our son (2 1/2 years old) what we expect of him before we go out, as well as when we get there. He's usually pretty quiet, and will play with his napkin or with his art supplies or plastic animals (we bring things to occupy him).
I especially like how the second set of parents stood by their "threat" and led the child out until she calmed down. I know the one time out of 100 I don't do as I say, my son will immediately take advantage of the situation! Now I know that if necessary, I will leave a cart of groceries in the aisle and walk out of the store if that's what I said I'd do...
@tsh44@xanga - We do the positive reinforcement, too, and it works like a charm! Yesterday my son didn't want to nap, and he yelled at me (he's 2 1/2). I quietly, but clearly said to him that yelling is unacceptable behavior. He ran off, then immediately came back and said "I yelled. Sorry mommy." I just about melted... After his nap, he was adorable all afternoon, helping me unload and load the dishwasher, helping me "cook" (taking carrots out of the bag for me, and snacking on cucumber and tomatoes..) and I told him how proud I was of his behavior. He beamed... *sigh* I love it when he's so good!