This is an argument my hubby and I are having, I just want 2 children, whatever they may be 2 boys, or 1 of each (we already have a son), he wants 3 children.
My argument:
* I'm not a really motherly type
* I didn't enjoy pregnancy at all the first time around
* I can't breastfeed directly but still want to offer my baby the best there is, so I pump, every 3 hours for 15 minutes. (I hate being so attached to a machine like that)
* I want to be able to put all my energy and concentration on just those 2 children ensuring they are raised properly and have a sound faith belief.
* I believe that more than 2 is too expensive
* I want to be done with pregnancies, babies and all that and concentrate on me a bit more.
His argument:
* Having a lot of children is one of the best blessings of life.
* His sisters and him were 3 and he believes he had the best childhood there is.
* What's 1 more child?! What's the difference between 2 or more!
*His sister has 4 and number 5 is on the way, and he thinks its great that the children have many brothers and sisters and when they grow up there will be a lot of nieces and nephews and cousins and whatnot.
How many children do you have or plan to have and why? What are your reasons?
Comments (87)
I've grown up with 3 siblings, so 4 kids is what seems "normal" to me. I used to want atleast 3, but as I get older is like agghhh, how does my mom do this?!
I always wanted to be a stay at home mom, regardless of how many kids I have. I'll never be one of those mothers that has 7 kids, and they all wear matching clothes. Ooh no. I am no octo-mom. But I do love kids. Atleast 2, hopefully.
Zero children
I wanted 4, but once I got to 2, I didn't want anymore. My second is crazy and a lot to handle. Then we had one more. I don't want anymore. I am DONE!
If I do have kids, two. Then they can play with each other rather than need constant attention from their parents, but there's still one parent to deal with each kid.
I have 5. I, myself have only one sister. I think this is something you and your husband should have discussed before you got married. I also, don't think anyone should be "forced" to have a child, no matter what their reason for not wanting one. So, in the case of a couple where they disagree, the one who doesn't want another or any children gets their way. I almost typed "wins", but really they not be winning at all.
We have three children ages 8, 7 and 5.
sounds like a lot of his reasons center around what his sisters are doing...interesting!
I gave birth to 5 and have 5 from "other sources". I'm finished giving birthQuestions like this are some of the things couples argue about most and it frustrates me to no end because these things should be discussed before you get married! ARGGGhh! OK sorry I'm finished with my rant. You are already married so my suggestion is that you work out some kind of compromise if possible. It is your body but it's also in the best interest of a happy marriage if you don't make it all about you. Maybe since you don't feel like the motherly type if he were to agree to do more or all of the "mothering" then you might consider adding that third child? If you hate pregnancy there is always adoption or foster care? I think that most couples stop at two children because that is the hardest number of children to take care of. Usually when number two comes along number one is still a baby and two babies at once can be overwhelming. By the time you get number three on the scene number 1 is generally potty trained and not quite so needy and that helps.
1 maybe 2
To paraphrase Carlos Mencia:
"I'm having as many as it takes until one of those goobers isn't 'dee de dee' that's how many I'm going to have!" That includes adoption. If I have one naturally, and he starts eating paint chips, I'm buying one from Africa.
I would like at least 2, no more than 4. I think my "perfect" family would be 2 boys, 2 girls. I'll take what I get though :)
I would have the 2nd one and see where you are then you both want atleast two. We wanted 2 and had 5. 4 living now and I would not trade any of them.
I am one of two and my husband is one of three. I want five, at least.
I like the dynamic in big families and I like the idea of having lots of kids and grandkids around. Also, we're adopting all our children so I don't have to do that horrible pregnancy/birth/newborn stuff. It makes it easier to have that many kids when you don't have to deal with that part.
@Ayliana87@xanga - Your comment has made me giggle all morning
I don't really know....I have one kiddo so far and I KNOW I want more..
My husband says three but, that seems so small. I'd love 5, 6 or 7. I like odd numbers of kids. Basically, however many God blesses us with!
we'll take however many God blesses us with, whether that's 2 or 10! i think that siblings are the best gift you can give your children. if i had to pick an "ideal" number, i think it would be 5, but i'll take what i get.
We're leaving it up to God, but I do like the idea of large families. So many siblings and cousins to play with!
I am one of four kids and my hubby is one of seven. I have two kids now, one on the way. And it looks like I'll be having a baby every 15 1/2 months until my body gets tired because that seems to be the schedule my body likes! Exhausting, but fun to have them so close together!
8 children Insha Allah. 4 boys and 4 girls. You can go to my blog and see the names of our children. My husband has 6 siblings (4 brothers and 2 sisteres) and I'm the oldest of four (3 girls and 1 boy). I like big families. Plus I have a very strong maternal instinct which is why I am going to be a stay at home mother when Allah (Subhanna wa ta'ala) blesses us with children. I am going to homeschool my daughters from K-6th grade. We also plan on raising our children bi-linguail. I'll speak English to them, and their father will speak Arabic as well their uncles, aunts, grandparents, and cousins. My sons will also be speaking Arabic in school as well. We plan on raising our children to have compassion for the poor, widows, and orphans and raising our children to respect the environment. When we are old (my husband and me if we live that long) we are going to buy us some land, build a big villa and live on our own farm in Morocco with cows, sheep, chickens, and some horses and a couple of dogs to guard the farm and herd the livestock. In my husband's family once you have kids there is usually a new baby every 1 1/2 years apart from each other so that will be pefect in my opinion.
I'd like 3-4. I grew up with a brother and we always wished we had more siblings. My husband is an only child from a teen mom, so he's intimidated by the idea of more than 1. We're pregnant with #2 at the moment, so we'll see after that.
My wife and I have four children - two girls and two boys. They're close (9,7,6,5), and when the youngest was born, my wife had her tubes tied (during the end of the C-section).
We like our family...although occasionally my wife's a little wistful about being pregnant.
Tim & I both agreed on wanting one and have ended up with three. (Save the lectures; I only *gave birth* to one.) If I were in your place, I'd seriously consider perhaps adopting a 5 year old+ child for the third child. Hubby still gets his three, you get to skip over that baby/diaper stage and you give a child that would have otherwise not had a home their biggest wish ever. Of course, that road isn't without it's challenges either, but I've found babies to be the most taxing on that "mothering" gene...or lack there of. That's all just me and my two-cents. You have to find what's right for you & I wish you the best of luck with whatever route you choose. :o)
Isnt that something you and your husband should have discussed and agreed on before you got married?
The least amount of children I would like is 3, and the most is 6. Although, I think 6 would be pretty hard to handle. But, I'm sure I'd manage. I don't really know, yet. Also like others' are saying: isn't this something you and your husband should have discussed before you two got married? Also a couple of his reasons are centered around what his sister is doing, why does he not to be doing what his sister is doing!?
Before I had a child, I wanted 3.
Before we had a child, my husband wanted 1.
Now we've agreed upon 2.
I've learned, mothering didn't come that "natural" for me and 2 would definitely be enough. He's learned that he enjoys having a child and would love just one more. Works out great!
And for the record, we talked briefly about this before marriage, but it wasn't until AFTER we had our child, that our minds were both changed. It's just another thing to work through in a marriage, but it's not like we'll get divorced because we didn't come to an EXACT agreement before we said our vows! geez...
@chelseanataliex@xanga - @NadoAngel@xanga - @tsh44@xanga - to all those who said why wasnt this discussed and agreed to before marriage. Well before marriage I was imagining myself with a big family and how great that would be. Then I got pregnant and didnt enjoy that experience that I changed my mind.
We're not arguing like constantly more like a discussion, we agreed to see what happens after we have our baby number 2, yes as much as I didnt enjoy my pregnancy I don't want my son to be an only child, but we might have a mistake pregnancy (I wouldn't abort), maybe after those 2 are grown up a bit I'll miss having a baby, anything is possible... we'll see I just wanted to see how people came up with their reasons.
As for him thinking like his sister.... I really don't know, is it something he truly likes or wants or its his just copying his older sister ... (btw her 5 children were all unplanned pregnancies, and the last 2 she was really depressed for awhile not wanting more children but she's accepted it and is going on)