Saturday, 21 November 2009
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It's In The Library Under "S"
When Brian was about 7 years old he approached me one evening with "The Question." Oh no!! Dad is not home from work yet. It's ok, calm down.
Fully prepared with a library of age-appropriate books written and illustrated by authors and artists coming from a Christian perspective, I first asked Brian if he would like to talk about it or would he rather take a look at a book and ask follow up questions if necessary. He agreed to the book option so I quickly went to said library before he could change his mind.
Thumbing through the options, I found the elementary style, 20 page publication that best fit his level of understanding. I handed Brian this first informative look at what's up with what's down there, and he went to his room to check it out. I sat in the kitchen, a complete and nervous wreck but thoroughly prepared for the inquisition surely headed my way.I soon heard the bedroom door open and immediately a lump formed in my throat. Brian entered the room with a very unfazed look, not the opened gaping mouth look I had expected. I cleared my throat and asked, "Sooo Brian, do you have any questions?" to which he replied, "No, I'm good"Whew!!!
Has your child asked The Question yet? How did you respond to their question?
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About the Author
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- From: P1AutismMom@autisable
- Name: Nancy
- About Me: I am busy raising my 2 boys, Brian 15 and Daniel 13 who has autism. My hope in life is to make at least 2 people smile every day and if I'm feeling really ambitious I'll try to make them laugh :) You can read more of my story by going to www.AutismMom.net and follow on twitter http://twitter.com/P1AutismMom
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Comments (25)
haha, if you did the same exact thing to a daughter, I could not even imagine what questions she would ask. :)
@Duhiana@xanga - Yeah, I'm sure there would be a flood of questions for a girl. I found the book too. It's called "Where Do Babies Come From?" by Ruth Hummel original title huh? ha ha It's for 6 - 8 year olds.
@P1AutismMom@autisable - I was actually convinced, by DUMBO, that i was brought by a stork. -_- than Powerpuff girls with "sugar spice and everything nice." haha the book is cute ! :) I will try to remember it for my future babies.
@Duhiana@xanga - Awww, that is so sweet
. I think it's perfectly fine to let children be innocent for at least part of their childhood. TMI too soon for most kids these days.
@P1AutismMom@autisable - :) , at what age is appropriate to let kids know about sex? or you just wait until they ask?
They start asking questions and then you try to gage the answers to be age appropriate. The books are really helpful with that and you get a feel for it as mom. I don't see why anyone would want to start talking about intercourse when a young child is simply curious about "where a baby comes from"
Problem is most kids see close to the actual sex act on television before they are 2 years old. Parents really need to monitor what their kids see on TV and video. People say, they don't get it or they are not paying attention but don't kid yourself, they catch on quick.
I guess I've never been too worried about it at this age. I'm the one everyone else sends their kids to for 'the talk' since I'm so good at it. I guess it's just natural to me and I don't see it as a big deal. That's how my parents treated it with us, so we've always been at ease discussing the facts of life. And the thing you have to remember about having 'the talk' with young kids... if you catch them early enough, they don't know that they are expected to be appalled, taken aback, nervous, uncomfortable or any of those things about sex. They will react to it the way you react to it. If you treat it in such a way that it's just something that is, that's how they will treat it.
Now, talking to a teen about STDs and unprotected sex and pregnancy and all that stuff? That's a whole different ballgame, especially now that I have a son. I think because I'm scared of how crazy all of that seems in this day in age. I think it scares me because at that point, they are going to use their own judgment regardless of what you tell them, so its like there's extra pressure to convey it in such a way that they take it to heart and don't ignore the facts.
@DirtyAndShaken@xanga - I've noticed that sometimes when I watch a TV show like the Doctors and they state facts like "1 in 5 people now have Herpes" it get's his attention. So far at the age of 15 he is pretty steadfast in his beliefs but we are all realists so we discuss consequenses, physical and emotional. He does not have a girlfriend yet and I'm not bothered by that in the least.
@P1AutismMom@autisable - Lucky you! The 9 year old has had "girlfriends" at school. I know their definitions of "girlfriend" at that age mean, like, nothing, but it still bothers me a little that it's something that he wants so badly already...when I was his age, boys still had cooties!!
@filtered_sunlight - Uh Oh!!! It sure starts young, doesn't it. I did not have my first real boyfriend until I was out of high school. B has had some major crushes but the fact that he is a little awkward socially it goes no further than worship from afar. Last year when he was only 14 he was infatuated with an 18 year old Chinese exchange student. Yeah, like that's going anywhere. LOL This year he is very sweet on a girl who is thankfully his age and I am grateful that she is as shy as he is. However, they sit together at lunch every day and he wants to ask her to a formal dinner event in February. He tells me he is taking it slow because he doesn't want to scare her away. We'll see. :)
@P1AutismMom@autisable - Chris is HORRIBLE. We were watching an episode of 'Jon & Kate' this past Summer and they mentioned the twins are the same age as himself. His eyes lit up and he explained that with TWO of them, the odds were better that one would go out with him!! I nearly died. And the kid has an ego the size of Nevada... I am in trouble.
For us with the older kids it was easy we explained when we were pregnant with the twins. They already knew that babies come from love between a mommy and daddy and God. Then when they asked for more info. when I was pregnant we gave them a brief version of the mechanics of it and we talked about how babies gestate, etc. My son, who is 10 now, started asking more questions so we got a couple of books on the subject, some Christian/Catholic, some secular, and we are reading them WITH him. The one I really like is called, "What's The Big Secret? Talking about sex with boys and girls" We have used this with my son and now my 8 year old daughter. It is a GREAT jumping off point. When the are ready next we will read "The Joyful Mysteries of Life" which gives them a moral framework about sex.
Like a pp I really don't see what the big deal is about talking to your kids about sex. It is not just natural but one of the most beautiful gifts in God's design for humankind. How you approach sexual education with your child sends very powerful messages to them about sex itself.
@bubbelcat - Agreed. The nice thing is that there are so many books that whatever your views on the subject you can find materials to assist in the explanation and tailer them to the maturity and age appropriate level of the child. I love that my son has a moral perspective on the subject of sex and also that he has a healthy dose of self respect to go along with that. He has also expressed to us that he is appalled at how he sees "couples" treat each other and how fleeting relationships are these days and for a 15 year old I will say that is impressive, even if I am his proud momma. :) I have no doubt he will be a wonderful husband and father some day.
@filtered_sunlight - aaaaaaaaahahahahaha
@filtered_sunlight - LOL, That is so funny!!! Your boy has a healthy dose of self confidence and you know the ladies go for that big time. ha ha
Aw! That's cute. And brilliant that there are christian options to that topic!
I didn't broach the subject with my son but waited until he started asking questions. He started asking when he was about 9. I didn't find it uncomfortable at all. I want my children to educated about sex and for it not to be something that they have to feel weird to talk with me about. We have continued to talk about it off and on as he has had questions. I answer them honestly and straightforward way. I feel like if you don't seem like you are freaked out by it, they don't end of feeling like it is something they can't talk to you about or feel shy about talking to you about it.
My kiddos know that it takes a mommy and daddy and that the baby comes from a place called the uterus. That all came about when my oldest suggested that I could eat some food to get a baby in my "tummy". Of course then he obtained a book that for some strange reason discusses the reproductive system of dinosaurs complete with a model of what it might look like. He declared that I have a uterus like a dinosaur. *sigh*
As for the deeper stuff, I'll tell them things as they ask or have need. We've done well keeping things fairly clinical so far. They ask their few questions and move on with life.
@sinpescado@xanga - That is adorable.
I think it is the best way to approach sex education when they are young. Their natural curiosity and questions will guide you in the right direction and keeping the information age appropriate is necesarry so we don't freak them out. Now that my oldest is 15 he is well aware of the entire process and thankfully has a healthy dose of self respect and holds women in high esteem. He's going to be a great husband and father some day
I'm not at all biased :)
When I asked my mom that question, she just told me "Married people have babies". And I only found out The Answer from a classmate, when I was 11.
@happygirl7798@xanga - I was trying to be humorous in my delivery of this story
It all worked out fine and we have kept the dialogue open and still do today while he is well into his teen years. His school provided a wonderful sex education course where I appreciated that they split the boys and girls into seperate groups. This made it much easier for the kids to ask questions without feeling embarrassed. It was quite interesting to hear some of the questions the boys came up with. 
I sure wish my parents had been open with us but they were from a completely different generation where kids were not even supposed to speak at the dinner table. Things sure have changed.
@elliecopter@xanga - Same with me but I was 13 and that was back in the 70's when you did not see everything on television.
I was shocked 
It did not scar me for life and it all worked out ok. ha ha
@EnjoyEdii@xanga - Aw, thanks! I'm glad that I did not completely fail in trying to be funny. I guess I left an impression to many that I was uptight about discussing sex with my kid. Fact is the kid is super smart and it's been a blessing to be able to speak openly and honestly about pretty much everything.
Thanks for stopping by.
@P1AutismMom@autisable - I wish my parents had been open with me too. The most I got was that you weren't supposed to have sex until you were married. There was no explanation as to what sex was just don't do it. So I had to find out on my own. In the end it wasn't even that big of a deal and I still wonder why my parents just couldn't tell me about it.
My son's school has a good program. It is amazing the things that they will ask you.
I'm not a mom, but when I asked my mom "the question" she choked on her dinner. lol.
One fine afternoon when I was about six or seven, I sat down to dinner with my mom and dad in our small eat-in kitchen. I had just come home from playing outside with my neighborhood friends. My mom asked me if I had fun and I responded; "What's sex? One of the kids I play with said he wanted to have sex." My mom gave me a very small amount of information but enough to halt the question for a few years.