Friday, 20 November 2009

• Have A Child With An Anxiety Disorder?

  

  I am eighteen years old and unlike the normal teenager i'm not begging my parents to let me go out....I'm begging them to let me stay in.

  I have struggled with all forms of anxiety and anxiety symptoms. Right now i am afraid of going in cars, getting sick in public, using public restrooms, catching H1N1, having a heart attack, 2012, the ocean, planes, developing any illness that makes me unable to breathe or die suddenly, suffering brain damage from a concussion, calling my boyfriend, crossing state borders, waiting in lines or even going anywhere over 5 minutes of my house.....I think you get the idea.

  I also have annoying tendencies, I check glass for cuts because I'm afraid of swallowing a shard, i wash my hands obsessively, I monitor everything that goes into my body because I feel I am being poisoned, I check my pulse and pupils to see if they are dilated,  I even throw out my water after a couple sips because i believe it's dirty and will get me sick.

  Flat out, I'm not the easiest child to raise or live with, at eighteen I should be excited to get my license and start college, but I am TERRIFIED of everything, so i'm stuck at the moment, with my parents. My parents are great they love me, take care of me, and would never do anything to hurt me but they unintentionally do because when you're parent of someone as extreme as me (trust me, the above is not all) you just don't know what to do.

  Now parents, if you have a child that has a problem like mine (less or more severe) I've made a list of things to do, straight from my jittery mind to your eager eyes.

  1. Monitor what they put in their bodies!

  Caffeine is our enemy. Coffee, tea, chocolate, soda; These will all provoke panic attacks or panicky feelings. If you have a preteen or teenager who is going through the coffee house phase where there beverage of choice is coffee or tea tell them about the harms of doing so (stained teeth, and of course panic attacks) you can't be with your child all the time, but if they are like me they will do anything to prevent these terrible feelings. Chocolate and Soda are pretty bad for people in general, although in moderation chocolate and dark chocolate have some great health benefits (the smell of chocolate is said to increase theta brain waves causing relaxation, the flavonoids keep blood vessels elastic, eating it increases the antioxidant levels in your body and increases serotonin to give you a sense of well being) unfortunately, with everything added into chocolate it makes for a not so smart treat, at least when it's out of moderation. If your child is a chocoholic simply put it to rest, you are the parent *needs to be remembered* give him/her a couple cubes of chocolate every once in a while (more or less depending on the severity of anxiety) and that's it! The same with soda, there is nothing good about soda, but man is it tasty! Try making a less drastic switch to ginger ale, most of the brands don't use caffeine and they also usually include real ginger that soothes the stomach which can help if you're child has anxiety-related stomach problems, another alternative is carbonated juice, it's not the same thing but it's a good transition drink.

  Sugar. This should be a no brainer, limit candy intake, not too much ice cream, yadda yadda, but you would be surprised by how many foods contain sugar. Spaghetti sauce, hamburger buns, ketchup, fast food, low fat and reduced fat cookies and dressings. Check the labels! it's best to buy organic, but not everyone can afford it, try to be aware of what is in the foods you eat. instead of sugary snacks try to include soy chips with humus, unbuttered popcorn, veggie stix (one of my favorite alternatives) or lightly salted almonds.

  When it comes to food and the way we eat it can be very hard to change old habits, especially for a younger person who wants what they want no matter what it does to them, so please stick with it and follow through, once it becomes routine they will stop the complaints. Trust me, i've went from a regular coke drinker, mcdonalds eater, ice cream devourer to a water, fruit and baked chicken lover. They won't even want the other stuff once you get it out of their system, in a matter of fact it might make them sick!

  Alcohol and Cigarettes are a huge NO for anxiety, if you have a teen that does either or both, do everything in your power to make sure they stop.

  2. Just Breathe.

  Abdominal breathing does wonders for anxiety symptoms. Once or twice a day of 10-15 minute slow abdominal breathing will reduce anxiety and can be used during a panic attack to abort it. There is much information on the internet on the proper way to breathe, but what works best for me is putting my hand on my stomach so i know i'm moving my stomach to breathe and not my chest and breathing in for 3 seconds, hold, out for 4 or 5 seconds.

  3. Surround yourself with positive!

  You know your child, if end of the world movies terrify him/her and are causing problems don't let him/her rent those kind of movies, the same goes with horror and dramas that include serious subject matter. Don't let you're child put things into their brain that are harming them! Some people can't let go of a movie once it's done and it's best to just cut it out altogether. The same goes with shows about disease, disaster or war.

  Watch funny shows and movies! Most people with anxiety are also depressed, watching something funny will of course produce laughter and then raise serotonin levels. When you're child is pre-attack or just worrying too too much let them watch their favorite funny show, it helps to give the mind a rest, distractions can be a very wonderful thing. I like "That 70's show" and "Family Guy" but only you know what you find most appropriate for your child.

  Positive music is a must, play light acoustic music constantly or whenever you can somewhere in the house, like in a hallway or in the kitchen, just the lightest noise can help put our brains at ease. Positive messages are also an obvious must. As a Marilyn Manson/kill Whitney dead fan I should be defending these bands, but i know they make me feel just.....dark, they should be listened to in a creative sense but when you're trying to relax you really need to choose your music wisely. My relaxation music includes Bob Marley & the Wailers and the Beatles. I highly recommend Bob Marley for anyone who struggles with anxiety, he has good messages and produced some easy beats. look him up.

  Quotes. They make you think. They make you confront. They make you realize.

  Put encouraging and thoughtful quotes in places they can't miss like the refrigerator, mirrors, doors, anywhere where they go regularly. Some quotes i recommend;

  "Fears are educated into us and can, if we wish, be educated out." Karl Menninger, Psychiatrist

  “If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.” - Marcus Aurelius

  "We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world." Buddha

  "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

  "The time for action is now. It's never too late to do something." Carl Sandburg or "Today is the first day of the rest of your life."

  "Everything will be okay in the end, if it's not okay, then it's not the end"
  

  Go on Quote sites and pick out your favorites :D

  4. Don't Push/Don't Let Go!

  If you're child is terrified of dogs you're not going to make them pet a large pit bull, right? Good, but it's important to not let them avoid all situations with dogs and to make it seem like it's alright, you are reinforcing their behavior and in turn making their fear legitimate. Ever hear the saying "If you give them an inch they'll take a mile" well it's true, It's your job as a parent to determine what they can skip and what they must do. Don't push them to do things that terrify them constantly but don't let them get away with too much, like don't make your child come into the supermarket with you everytime you go but make them go to appointments and school (or consider home schooling).

  Encourage play with friends and daily walks and if you have a child like me that is afraid to go anywhere and do most things, start small, get them used to the subject, like i go on a ride around my street every day or every second day and i try to get outside to get fresh air. Make sure you remind the child that nothing earth shattering can happen to them, you are there for them and you will both get through it together.

  If you're child can't stand a situation but still tries, listen to them, if they want to leave or get away from something say okay and try again another day, you don't want to instill a new fear into your child, you have to let him/her trust you, because once that trust is gone they will not want to try to get over there fear for quite a while.

  5. Buy you're child a journal.

  This gives them not only a chance to be creative but to get out their innermost fears which is vital for managing stress and anxiety, encourage them to write about what bothers them, what happened throughout the day, or things they want to remember; this will be a load off of their mind. Please, respect their privacy, i can't stress this enough, you wouldn't want them snooping through your personal thoughts so don't snoop through theirs.

  6.Don't act annoyed by their nervous tendencies.

  We know we can be a bit much, please please please, don't remind us by rolling your eyes or shaking your head. Try to tell them you'd like them to stop or work on stopping but you understand that they feel nervous and doing whatever they do makes them feel comforted.

  7. Use Logic!!

  Remind you're child that he/she is okay! The symptoms they're feeling are temporary and harmless and the more they become afraid the more they will persist. Panic attacks ALWAYS subside, remind them that whenever they feel this way, it isn't forever.

  I believe that even the worst thing that can happen isn't all that bad. Death for example can be seen as a deep comfortable sleep or a beautiful euphoria you share with God and the spirits that have passed on, you might think telling your child death isn't all that bad might be a touchy subject for an anxious child but being someone that used to cry about the idea of forever and death i find it relaxing. When i'm freaking out and thinking i'm on the verge of death i remind myself "so what? everybody dies, if i die, I DIE, maybe i won't even know it, maybe it'll be better than anyone expected it to be, but if it's going to happen the best i can do is say okay to it and let it happen and be over with" oddly enough, i calm down from this. Try to use this sort of who-cares-you'll-be-okay kind of logic for every fear.

  Remind you're child that the worst that could happen isn't the end of everything, you will get through it all!

  8.Turn to God.

  I realize not everyone is religious or believes in a God or Gods, but if you do, please remember to tell them of the wonder that is he/she/it :D Tell them to pray and tell God about all your worries, read passages from the bible that are encouraging, take them to services. God saves lives. He saved mine.

  9.The Law Of Attraction

  I recommend you watch the secret for this one! All in All, think good positive thoughts and replace negative with positive and positive will come to you. Let your child watch this and they might get the idea that if they constantly think positive thoughts like "i am getting better" or "i have so much to look forward to" that it will happen, and guess what, it will! the more negative you knock out in your brain the better things get, you are a slave to your thoughts, so you better make them good ones!

  10. Limit Medications

  Stay away from medicines like xanax that are addictive (trust me on this one, please!) I am on xanax and once it wears off I just want more and the dosage becomes less and less effective so you end up taking more. Monitor how much they take and carry meds around but try to only give it to them if they really need it or they might live their life under a xanax glaze. Try instead Rescue Remedy which comes in spray form and is pretty effective although it needs to be used more often (this isn't a problem since it's all natural) Also, essential oils like lavender or sweet orange help with anxiety and depression ( the lavender i find works best for anxiety) try to find an essential oil fan diffuser to spread the calm throughout the room, always remember to use a mild amount of oil, they are very strong!

  Peace and love to all! Message with any questions about a specific child's problem, I have so much more advice to give and this is just a general guideline.

  Do you have any good tips to share about handling anxiety?
  

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