Thursday, 19 November 2009
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Normal Adoption - Really?
"Normal adoption"-to many, that right there is an oxymoron. The conventional family is obviously biologically related, I'm aware. But I'm not really trying to address absolute normalcy, what I'm tackling is something that occurs within the adoption community.
Okay, so I am adopted. I am white, and I was adopted into a white family. I have no physical or mental disabilities. I am an adoptee of a closed adoption. This right here makes me normal of all adoptees.
Today, I volunteered at an event celebrating National Adoption Awareness Month and I noticed something that follows the trend I've been suspecting. Nobody cares if you were adopted, unless it's messy. And by nobody, (in this context at least), I mean the counselors and social workers who are so busy trying to fix things they will only look at what's broken.
Now, objectively, I completely understand why these situations are more specific and often demand more attention. I completely get why that is, and I don't resent that. What I don't get is why at a general adoption event, the focus was still geared towards any family that did not fit the normal adoption profile. The fact is, whether or not adoption has been a challenge, it's a part of many families. In fact, since I am a proud adoptee I would be more than happy to talk to kids who are struggling with it themselves.
It just seems silly to me, that when adoptees are already in the minority in some circles, we are further isolated at events and gatherings geared towards adoption!
So what do you think? Am I splitting hairs here?
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- From: tobethinagain_xoxo@xanga
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Comments (8)
I guess so, my parents are actually going to adopt soon but one of them is indian and one is white, and they're adopting *preferably* a white baby, so would that still be 'Normal Adoption?'
Hmmmm....interesting topic. We adopted my son in August (after being in the foster care system since birth). I am so interested in adoption related issues. I am so glad that you are proud as an adoptee. I hope that for my son, who's adoption is also closed and will be due to the situation. It was not really messy either, though with any adoption, I guess there are issues......
this post kindof irritated me.
I am adopted, and I found my bio-mother when I was 19.
I am also adopting.
The social workers in my life commend my parents on how they handled my adoption, and that of my brothers (non-bio). I don't think there is any such thing as a normal adoption. Adoption is messy in any situation. There are things an adoptee has to deal with that "normal" children don't (at least in my experience and in those of the 50ish other adoptees I know).
I cannot count the number of these kinds of events I have been to (several a year for the last 10 years), and it has never bothered me that I am one of the (what you called) "normal adoptees". In fact, I feel blessed that I have had a pretty easy go of it, and I wish more children could skip all the drama and just be adopted. Buts my perfect little world. Everyone has their story, and I believe some people go through more so they can help someone later in life who hits the same tough spots.
I get what you're saying. As you mentioned, "messy" adoptions seem to get more attention from social workers, etc., for obvious reasons -- but I don't think you should feel 'further isolated'. Instead, be proud that your adoption felt so normal, and continue to reach out to the adoption community to provide what help you can.
*** Offhand, I have a habit of looking at profiles on submitted posts. I just want to point out that your goal weight is pretty unhealthy. Even for small frames, which you appear to have, the ideal weight for your height is between 125-140lbs. Stay healthy.
I am not adopted, so forgive me I don't understand this "messy" and "normal" terminology.
I want to adopt. So badly.
Looking at this girls profile just made me very very sad.
I agree with bekkielynn@xanga there is nothing normal or natural about adoptions that separate families and eradicate original ties and culture.
There is nothing normal or moral about the exploitation and coercion that occurs in order to fill a demand while ignoring children real need because they ar "too old" or 'damaged' in some ay (as if those in orphanages are not!)
Some adoption DO deserve more attention and should be the only ones that are promoted and encouraged with tax benefits etc. - and those are the adoptions of the 129,000 children in US foster care. Charity begins at home, as the say and adoption should be about meting the needs of children, not adults who claim to "desperate" to be parents but select "imports".
That does not mean that any adoption is without post adoption issues.That is why the prime focus should be on education to reduce unwanted pregnancies and infertility and services such as affordable medical and day care to prevent unwarranted losses. Today American families are loosing children to adoption because of poverty. This is shameful!
Mirah Riben author
America's Multi-Billion Dollar Unregulated Adoption industry
http://AdvocatePublications.com
I agree with BellaNeiSongi's first paragraph.