Monday, 16 November 2009

• Reflections on Adoption: A Mother's Love

  

  This Friday night I was able to get together for a dear girlfriend for margaritas and then working on our babybooks at Barnes & Nobles until all hours of the night....that was good because my son is 14 months old and her daughter is 7 months, so we had better get going! A while ago I had found this book for Tyler and I just love it. It is a neat baby book with an adoption twist. I would recommend it for other adoptive parents. The problem is, it is out of print. Online I only could find it for $50, so I was thrilled when it was returned to Barnes & Noble and I got it for the list price of $17!

  In truth, my friend and I did more talking than writing, but we did get some work done. It was neat to talk about how we told our husbands about our pregnancies (meaning mine with Ellie) and to remember back to when I got the phone call about Tyler (who was then named something else). I remember a lot about his birth mom, whom I only met three times. Those three times, though were totally priceless.

  I will never forget the love that she had for her son. What? I am sure you are thinking....wait, this woman abandoned her son. How could she love him? No. She did. As much as she knew how, she loved him and I truly believe that she made a loving decision in turning him over to me.....not in so many words, but through her actions. She knew her life would not be a good one for her son and she knew mine would be. In a sense, she gave him to me with her blessing.

  The first day I met her, when Ty was only 4 days old, she gushed when meeting us. She was thrilled to meet Ellie. She told us she was really nervous we wouldn't know how to take care of her son, but when she met our daughter, she said those fears were relieved. She kept saying how much she liked us and how she thought we were "really decent people" for doing this for her. She thanked us. We assured her that we were going to take care of him in the best way we could....for her!

  

  The second time I met with her, Tyler was 6 days old. I was by myself. I had dressed him in a little blue outfit with a tiny ball cap that was way too big for his head. When she saw him, she chuckled. I told her that Greg made fun of me for putting the cap on him, but I couldn't help it because it was so cute. She said she agreed and thanked me for putting it on his head. She loved it. I knew she would.

  

  The last time I met with her, Tyler was 8 days old. When I handed him off, I offered my diaper bag and formula and she pulled a diaper out of her pocket. She had bought a bottle and said she was all prepared. When she brought him back out to me, she wanted me to know how concerned she was about the dipaer rash that he had. I told her I was taking him to the doctor the next day for his well-baby check and would show him and she was very relieved. She asked me about if it would be OK if she came with me. I told her I would have to check with social workers, but as far as I was concerned, that would be fine (I had learned that birth moms sometimes did go to doctors appointments. They had to find their own transportation, but that was perfectly acceptable.) I told I would bring the info. the next time I saw her.

  The next day she was admitted back into the hospital as she was having some bleeding issues related to the delivery. I wasn't allowed to visit her. The following few visits, I was stood up.

  I never saw her again.

  My heart still hurts for this woman who gave me her child. She really didn't know me from Adam, but I do believe (and will someday tell Tyler) that she wanted me to raise him as my own. I can't imagine her pain....but am thankful for her choice.

   

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