Sunday, 15 November 2009
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Advice Needed: Terrible Teens?
I live in a unique family situation. Upstairs in the house is my mom dad and I. Downstairs is the zoo.
My sister, her husband, and their 7 kids live in the basement. Only 4 kids are here full time. The other 3 are part of a joint custody agreement. One of those 3 is K. She is turning into a real pill. She splits her week between 3 families: her mom, her dad, and her step-dad (he lives here).
Here's the issue: I've been doing a lot of housework lately and decided that the kids need to help. Since there is no kitchen in the basement, dishes are brought up throughout the day. I have asked that the dishes be put in the dishwasher, not the sink. K has had the biggest problem with this. She's been talking back big time to my mom and I. Mom has discussed it with my sis and her hubby. Yet again last night, there was an issue. I'm really sick and tired of her attitude. I know she gets away with anything and everything at her mom's house. I'm not sure of the situation at her dad's. I'm just at my wits end and so is my mom. Any ideas?
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About the Author
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- From: JewelrybyBrea@xanga
- Name: Briana
- About Me: Hey ya'll! I'm a single 30-something LDS girl just getting my life back in order. I was married to a great guy for 4 years. We split at the beginning of 2009. We're now friends but just not meant to be married. Lately, my days have been filled with helping out my family. I live at home with my parents and my sis and her family. There's 12 of us in a 6 bedroom house. I make jewelry, scrapbook, sew and love to hang with my friends.
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 1 Views: 0 550 Comments: 0 11 View all posts by JewelrybyBrea@xanga
Comments (11)
Try to connect with her
most of the time when I'm pissed at my parents it's because I feel like they don't know me - which they don't since neither one of them have really tried to get to know the real me. Don't set rules, but encouage her. Maybe take her to a concert to get to chill with her and make her understand you're there to be her friend
Be firm in your discipline or else you have none. But, you will be perceived as evil if you are too tough as she will compare households and parents.
You gotta sit down with K and her mom (and your mom, since she lives there), and you have to tell K straight out, "I'm sick of your entitled attitude, and here's why." Let her know what you expect her to do, and mention that everyone else can follow the rules, so obviously they're not that hard!! Maybe she's just lazy, or maybe she expect a magic dish fairy to do it for her, but either way, as you have stated, it has to stop! If you don't take care of this issue NOW, then it can (and most likely will) escalate into larger problems that you most likely won't know how to handle!! Coming from a teenager, my mom let us know what was acceptable behavior, and what WASN'T from an early age! She better be glad she has a dishwasher, because we have to wash all dishes by hand, and if we don't do them, she will WAKE US UP when she gets up (at 4:00 AM), and make us do it. But all that aside, you CANNOT let her get off scott-free for her actions anymore!! It doesn't matter if she gets away with everything at her mom's house, this is a new house, and THERE ARE A NEW SET OF RULES HERE! Most likely the problem was that she didn't have any boundaries or responsibilities, and she seems sort of like a spoiled child. Make her responsibilities for her actions, and bad actions will have negative consequences!
I hope this helps
I don't think K, at this point, will really listen to any kind of authority figure, let alone someone who already lets her get away with this kind of behavior. If there is someone she looks up to, maybe he/she can talk some sense into her. I say drastic times calls for drastic measures. Do something to let her know she is not in charge of the world, and that she needs to learn to respect people. Have her grounded, take away any and all of her privileges. Of course, she may very well hate whoever decides to inflict this kind of "torture" on her, but she'll probably get over it some day...I hope. Good luck!
I think they need to help out. if not they loose the fun things.
Is it just me, or does it sound like her behavior is not really that big of a deal? Talking back, not wanting to do housework? This sounds kind of normal to me, not something that would warrant grounding and taking away every privilege. Her living situation is not normal, and it creates stress. You can only have so many authority figures breathing down your neck before you want to kill one of them, and it sounds like she has maybe 7 people that are acting as her parents. There's nothing wrong with reminding her that you're a person too, and it would be helpful to you if she could help you with housework. And there's nothing wrong with reminding her that being respectful helps the world go round. But really, she's not five. She knows what's right and wrong, so 'teaching' her what to do (i.e. grounding, losing privileges) isn't going to do anything except compound her frustration. Reminding her why she does the right thing might encourage her to do the right thing, though. Everybody likes to feel appreciated.
Kick her ass.
Worked for me.
- Kunoichi
Don't give her a plate anymore. Then if she continues to put them in the sink, take on plate away at a time, until everyone downstairs starts getting pissed, and then it's all her fault that they can't eat, just because she was too stubborn to put them in the dishwasher.
Martha
Talk to her about maybe? Or get your sister and her husband to talk to her about it?
this sounds all to familiar.
What I did... Have a family meeting for everyone who lives there, even part time.
State very clearly what your expectations are, especially to the kids/teens.
State what the consequences will be if the expectations are not met, and follow through.
K is blatantly disrespecting you, and that is not ok. There is nothing wrong with her learning to pick up after herself. And maybe if she continues to refuse to load the dishwasher with her single dish, take the dishwasher away and tell her she will be washing them by hand. All by herself.
So I'm confused....K is your sister's husband's STEPchild? Meaning she is no biological relation to any of you? When was the last time this child had a stable environment that did not involve going by 3 different sets of rules and trying to fit into 3 different households where she is only a part time visitor? For goodness sake give the kid a break! The "adults" involved have turned her life into absolute chaos and you expect HER to be the mature one? Seriously? I say be grateful the dishes are the worst thing you have to deal with from her.