Monday, 02 November 2009
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What To Do When Kids Discover Their Private Parts
On more than one occasion I have found myself babysitting for a child when they happened to discover or perhaps, rediscover their genitalia. The first time this happened to me, I was watching a four-year-old boy and his 2-year-old sister. It was a hot summer day so I decided to put the kids into their swimsuits and take them outside to their backyard for some fun playing in their sprinkler.
The boy soon began to hog the sprinkler by straddling himself over the streams of water shooting out. Within seconds his little sister became upset that she was unable to play in the water too and she began to cry. Trying to take control of the situation, I told the boy he had to move over since he needed to share the sprinkler with his sister. To my surprise, he responded by saying that he did not want to move because the water was “tickling his willy and it feels good”.
Slack jawed, I tried my best to respond to his innocent yet shocking statement but had been so caught off guard that I was unable to come up with a response, never mind get anything to come out of my mouth other than “Please, just move over and let her play too”. The moment passed without the issue being addressed but for days I pondered over how I should handle such a situation if it were ever to arise again. Thank goodness I have come up with some solutions for such occasions for I have been put in similar situations time and time again.
The most important thing I had to remind myself of was that the discovery of genitalia is a normal part of life and should be treated as such. I have also realized that it is important to be gentle, sensitive and honest with children when dealing with an issue such as this. If the child is not your own and you feel uncomfortable as a caregiver talking to a child about their genitalia then tell the child’s parents/guardians about the situation and leave it for them to handle.
However, if you do feel comfortable dealing with this issue as a caregiver or if you are the child’s parent/guardian tell the child what the name of their private part is, it is often best to use the technical term for the part, this will stave off confusion and possible embarrassment later in life. Also, explain to the child what the basic function of their genitalia is and tell them that if they need to touch themselves, for any reason, they need to do so in private, either in a bathroom or their bedroom. Be careful not to embarrass or make a child feel ashamed about their behavior or their body. Talking to your pediatrician for advice is also a great idea!
How have you handled a similar situation? What has worked and what has not worked for you?
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About the Author
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- From: michcoy@xanga
- Name: Michelle
- About Me: I am a full-time nanny and a part-time writer and absolutely love both jobs. The outdoors is where you can find me when I am not working. I love to go kayaking, camping and hiking.
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Comments (24)
Yes, and telling my son what his penis is worked. But truthfully, I would be mad if a caregiver took it upon themselves to tell my son without first clearing with me how I would want the situation to be handled.
Leave it to the parents to handle as a caregiver. There is nothing wrong with kids discovering their private part as long as the parents or school teaches kids not to have unprotected sex or about pregnancy etc and the responsibility behind it.
I allways got in trouble a lot when i was young for exploring this part of me. Unfortunatley my mom never really fold me anything but that i would go to hell if i ever did it again. That never did anything though.
As a caregiver I would have simply told the child he still needed to share the sprinkler or we would put it away. As a matter of fact, with my own children, I would have told them the same thing in the scenario mentioned. I agree with the people that stated it is not a caregivers job to teach children about their genitalia. The best response would be to ask your mom/dad when they get home if a child that isn't yours asks about their genitalia and then I would give the parents a heads up about the question.
ALWAYS LEAVE THAT UP TO THE PARENTS. Thats nobodys place to talk about those parts if the child is not your own. If that had ever came up i wouldnt want my kids teacher speakng about it to my kids instead come to me and let me know what was said from my child and i will take it from there.
all I could think of was Freud with this post...haha
I agree with a lot of the other posts here. I would not want any caregiver to put themselves into a situation like that with MY child. It is definitely the parent's place to have that talk with them, never the baby sitter...it could come off wrong.
I totally agree and that is exactly why I decided it was best to keep my mouth shut as a care giver and just talk to mom when she got home.
I think you did fine. You didnt make a big deal out of it and he wont either. He'll learn it a normal part of himself and learn to embrace it and grow with it.
The only time it really even needs to be addressed is when they start feeling themselves up in inappropriate situations or if they ask questions.You should defer to the parent in this situation. Simply saying, "Well, that's fine but you need to share the sprinkler with your sister now" would have sufficed.
As parents though, it's probably best for us to teach our children the proper names for ALL of their body parts. I have people always saying, "your son calls it his penis!?" like it's a dirty word. I tell them, "You call your nose your nose, not your na-na, why wouldn't you call a penis a penis?" Plus, my friend has a good philosophy. If I tell my son that his penis is called his weiner (or whatever), what happens when he finds out the real name? If I lied to him about that, does that mean I'm not to be trusted when it comes to other things? Especially when it comes to sex and our bodies. I never want my children to feel like they can't trust me.
Mykids use to quote their private part as "kuku bird"! I am strongly disagree they quote it as Kuku bird.... culture and environment are the places who influence them a lot. I keep explaining to them calling its = Private Part. Make sure they do not let their friends playing it....
Let the parents handle that talk.
I agree. You did a great job in handling the situation, not being the actual parent in that situation. My parents never used proper terminology with me and I only began using the real words when I was MARRIED....and that was a hard switch for me! I never wanted my kids to be the same way, so we decided on a method that has worked wonders for me. We called my daughter's vagina a different word until we were sure that she could handle the real word and not blurt it out to everyone and their brother as she did with everyone else. It was when she was 4 years old, we got into some good discussions about private and public. I knew she got this concept when one day she whispered in my ear about a private matter. It was then that we told her that she got to use the real big-girl word.......and it has been fine ever since., We plan on doing the same thing with our son! I have adopted an "honesty is the best policy" attitude with my daughter. I answer her honest and innocent questions in the manner they were presented. I don't give more info. than she was asking for, but I do tell her the truth. The other day it was "how did I get into your tummy?" So, I told her. She shrugged it off and that was that! I want her to always ALWAYS feel free to ask me anything and to find out from me before she finds out from friends who may or may not give her relaiable information!
@Erika_Steele@xanga - Yep, yep, yep!
i think you did good, always leave the educateing up to the parents.
discovery of private parts is normal. as a youngin, i always had my hand down my pants, just because i was fascinated by it. i don't think it's a good idea to teach kids cutesy nicknames for their private parts either. "penis" and "vagina" aren't dirty words.
What the crap? You said the exact right thing the first time. There was no need to mull it over. That's exactly what I would have done with my own kids - just ignore it and keep going. Making a big deal about it just makes them more curious. Plus, the parents can decide what they want to call their kids private parts. What if they don't want to use the word "penis". They most likely use "willy" and would like him to use it too, as I don't see any other way for him to know tha word.
As a caregiver, you should just ignore it, and mention it to the parents when they return. Just a quick "hey, thought you should know this happened, anything special you want me to do in cases like that?"
In fact, if a babysitter was talking to my kids about their penises, and telling them to touch it in private, I would be pretty upset. That's just asking for trouble.
I don't care if you feel comfortable with it or not, please mention private parts to my kids as little as possible, and avoid teaching them to masturbate at all costs.
Oh GOD. I never did anything like that when I was little, and that was because my step mom decided to give me the talk every year from the time I was five to twelve.
My mom didn't like that too much.
But yeah, that's why I don't babysit. I don't like kids for one xD and for two, I couldn't handle that I'd start laughing.
@TheNumberScott@xanga - Ignoring it after a while is going to make your kid an idiot that doesn't know what to do with itself. And later on in life, it'll probably be a whore.
@careegroup@xanga - "You call your nose your nose, not your na-na, why wouldn't you call a penis a penis?" -- Exactly.
When me and my brother were like 2 and 5... I asked my mom when my brother would get boobs too XD
I was two and didn't know anybetter...
@TheNumberScott@xanga - at least leave the masturbating part of it out until they're like old enough to really learn about sex... like idk... 18 or so.
@bekkielynn@xanga - my parents never gave me the talk, but I learned it basically from reading, school, and health classes. and i know basically most of it by now.
I think I was the easy child who never really asked... I sorta figured out that the math didnt add up and that the extra set of equipment down there was for something other than using the restroom.lol. I was never really told about the parts but it was almost like the information just poped in my head one day.lol. I dont know if that is possible though. Im sorta worried myself on what to tell my daughter about those things. I guess I did become a problem when I started drawing people with private parts but hey, I was a artist. ^.^
I would probably tell them it's not nice to talk about that in public and to share with his sister or he would get time out.