Saturday, 31 October 2009
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Can't Find Any Pumpkins but Sterotypes a Plenty!
So me Momosaurus decided that we were going to get our lil Zachosaurus his first Halloween pumpkin yesterday. We thought it would be ever so cute to take pictures of him in his costume next to his very own Jack O'lantern. When he woke up this morning I excitedly told my little buddy that we were going to go on an adventure (i.e. a ride in the car) this afternoon. Zachosaurus loves adventures and I got a big smile out of him as I picked him up and took him to Momosaurus for breakfast. After a short cat nap and the two of us picked out a onesie and some shorts to wear and the headed out to the local Wallyworld to fetch our pumpkin and some other groceries. When we got to the store there wasn't a pumpkin to be found! Not a single solitary Cucurbita Cucurbitaceae anywhere in the store. My heart sank. I solemnly explained to Zachosaurus that we wouldn't be able to get a pumpkin at the store because they had sold out, or they were all gathered up and destroyed by right wing conservatives who believed their wholesome way of life was threatened by this pagan holiday that the gays must certainly be behind. Zachosaurus coo'd and drooled in response. I don't know for sure, but the twinkle in his eyes and the amount of drool seemed to indicate he thought it was the conservatives too. Dejected we pushed our cart around the store to gather our other groceries.
One of the items on our list was a new toy of some variety that the Zachosaurus could safely put in his mouth. About 3 weeks ago he had discovered that he had something at the ends of his right arm. For several days he flailed about trying to get this thing into his mouth as he decided that was the best place to put it. Suddenly one day he popped right in and was pleased to no end that this thing at the end of his arm was in fact his hand! With much joy he would ball his little hand into a fist and pop it into his mouth at every opportunity. Then about a week ago he made the amazing discovery that his left arm also had a hand attached. Much cooing and giggling commenced. He also discover that his hands, that he had previously been learning to hold things in, could be used to bring whatever he was holding into his mouth. Bibs, Momosaurus' hair, the cat's tail, Dadosaurus glasses, anything he could grabbed he tried to put in his mouth, because apparently that is where he felt it should go. Well, most of his toys were either too big to grasp and insert into his mouth, or were linked to his colorful baby link thingies and would only reach with much effort. Soooo it was decided that Zachosaurus would get a new toy that was easy and light enough to grasp, and safe enough to put in his drooly maw. The two of us walked down the toy aisle minding our own business ooing and ahhing over the bright colorful potential new toys a lady walking by us stopped and commented on how cute my lil buddy was. Thanking her I smiled and turned back to the task at hand. Then, as she walked away she made one last comment "I wish my husband would babysit for me once in a while. Ha ha ha." Hahahaha, yeah laugh it up. I turned and smiled and said "I'm not babysitting." More giggles. "Oh you know, It's nice when the man watches the kids every once in a while." And with a wink she walked down the aisle leaving me fuming.
Fuming you ask? Yeah fuming...because nothing makes me angrier then when someone assumes that because I am out at the store with my son that I must be babysitting, because there is no way a man could be the primary caregiver! Heavens, no! What woman in their right mind would leave their precious child home alone for extended periods of time with their husbands! Now before all you nitpickers start in on me lets get one thing straight. I am not a babysitter by any twisted form of feminist logic. Babysitter (n)- a person engaged in temporary care for a child(ren) on behalf of the parents. I do not babysit my son. I am a stay-at-home-dad. I am raising my son as the primary caregiver while my wife is the primary source of income for our family. There is a world of difference between what I do all day and what a babysitter does. Now is it silly for me to get upset over someones choice of words? To me, no. No it is not. Because it is 2009 not 1950 and men are perfectly capable of staying home and raising children. Men are not these oafish screw-ups who can't change a bottle or fix a bottle and when we try to take care of the kids hilarity ensues until mom comes to the rescue. We are not Homer Simpson or Tim Taylor. We aren't these emotionally distant father figures that the media likes to portray us as. Hell, U.S. Representative Cynthia Davis (R-Missouri) sponsored a bill to give families with stay-at-home moms a tax credit, but not stay-at-home dads because , in her own words, "only women can be nurturers." Men are denied sole custody of children in divorce cases even when it is shown the mother is unfit because the longstanding belief that mothers raise the children, not the father. Even among our lawmakers and courts fathers are stereotyped as incapable of raising children. We are the "babysitter" in the eyes of most people. That is just wrong, plain and simple, so again, yes it does make me angry! Hell, I can't even get our pediatrician to address me at the doctor's office when we take Zachosaurus for check ups after I ask a question! She turns right to my wife and answers her like I'm not even there. And since the recession began more and more men are stay at home with the kids while the wife works, but we are still looked at as "the guy who watches the kids until mom gets home". In several surveys done by Careerbuilder.com, Time Magazine, and Pregnancy and Birth Magazine since the beginning of the economic downturn more then 50% of men said they were considering staying home with the kids. Fixed gender roles in this country be damned! We can and are able to raise our children. So all you mommy's out there, next time you see that dad in a store with that baby in a shopping cart and no mom in sight don't just think he is babysitting. Take a moment and think that maybe he is the 'lil ones primary caregiver. Think back to when you started raising your kids while your husband worked and what a challenge that was and know that that daddy is going through the same thing. And maybe help him out by telling him that those Huggies are on sale in the 89 pack jumbo box, and that while Boudreau's Butt paste is great on diaper rash, A&D ointment is just fine too. And maybe give him a dollar off coupon for some of those fancy baby wipes with the aloe.
Bet that title at the top of my blog makes sense now. Anyway, back to our shopping trip...
Well, Zachosaurus picked out a nice colorful set of teething beeds that appeared to fit all the features he was looking for. Since we happens to be near the baby stuff and I just happen to be the biggest marshmallow in the world when it comes to my little boy and love nothing more then to dress him in the most adorable clothes I can find we swung the cart by the fleece sleepers. We hadn't gotten 3 steps when my heart went all a flutter and i let out a big "Awwhhhhhhhh". There hung on the rack was the cutest fleece penguin print sleeper with little penguin head feet. Not only am I sucker for baby clothes but I am also a sucker for penguins. I start thumbing through the hangers looking for a 3-6 size and to my dismay find none;however, what I do find is a 6-9. Quickly doing math in my head, and then counting on my fingers to make sure my head math was right I flip open the cell phone and call Momosaurus and make sure that I can in fact still do simple math and that a 6-9 size will fit my little buddy when it is still feasible for him to be wearing a fleece sleeper. Momosaurus tells me that my little dude will indeed still be using a fleece sleeper and that he also is in need of more warm fuzzy bed time clothes for that size. Bingo, we have a winner. As I pull the sleeper off the rack I notice another sleeper with 2 dinosaurs on it the says "Daddy" under the one larger T-Rex looking dinosaur and the words "and me!" under the smaller T-Rex on the other side. That one is available in 3-6 month size and after a brief consultation with Momosaurus it also finds its way into the cart.
We breeze around the store, finish our shopping, and jump into the first open checkout line we can find. As I load my bagged purchases into the cart the cashier hands me the receipt and says to Zachosaurus "Aww, hey lil cutie, is daddy babysitting?" I make my way to the car leaving the smoldering ruins of what once was a Walmart behind me.
On the way home we stopped at Food lion and IGA in a desperate attempt to find a pumpkin bu to no avail. It seems the right wingers beat us to them all.
And for all of you dying to see, here are some pictures of the little Zachosaurus:
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About the Author
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- From: Dadosaurus_Rex@xanga
- Name: Christopher
- About Me: Sarcastic, opinionated, humorous, Army veteran, Bipolar, atheist, Stay-At-Home Dad. That about sums it up I'd think.
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Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 2 Views: 0 3628 Comments: 0 42 View all posts by Dadosaurus_Rex@xanga
Comments (17)
Oh, wow. Yeah. I am truly, truly disappointed. I stopped reading after your jab and putting the blame on 'right-wing conservatives'. Was that really necessary? EVERY SINGLE Conservative I know is out trick-or-treating with their kids right now.
Childish and immature. I hope you don't spread such negativity to your son.
And as for stereotypes aplenty? In this case, that's like The Pot calling The Kettle 'black'.
Reading is hard LOL!
@Alynn820@xanga - isn't it though? Perhaps if the first two commentators had read the entire post they would have seen the irony of me making the tongue in cheek jab I did at the beginning. And I guess the title of the post saying there were "sterotypes aplenty" must have wooshed over their heads as well. I guess jumping to conclusions is easier to do then reading the entire post. Oh well...
@Lil_Firefly_25@xanga - @DirtyAndShaken@xanga - Goodness, it's a JOKE.
I'm guessing she was old? When they were raising kids, the dads were probably rarely alone with their kids.
"destroyed by right wing conservatives who believed their wholesome way
of life was threatened by this pagan holiday that the gays must
certainly be behind" - i think you're trying to be funny [and i did laugh a little], buuut. my left-wing, liberal, lesbian best friend hates halloween. partially because it's pagan, i think, and partially because she thinks it's BS and we're too old for it. just sayin'. :]
"Men are denied sole custody of children in divorce cases even when it
is shown the mother is unfit because the longstanding belief that
mothers raise the children, not the father." you're right. it's bullshit. case and point: brittany spears...
funny post. x]
"or they were all gathered up and destroyed by right wing conservatives who believed their wholesome way of life was threatened by this pagan holiday that the gays must certainly be behind." *snicker* Props earned. That was funny.
"Men are not these oafish screw-ups who can't change a bottle or fix a bottle..." I had to read that thrice...too many lemon drops, whee...I suppose parenting and writing are two different things...I'll give ya that one.
I really hate to break it to you...wait...no...it doesn't really matter to me one or the other at the moment...but...the sterotypes are alive and well because? For the most part? They hold true. Most dads act they deserve a freakin' metal for taking care of the baby for an hour or so. It's not Homer or Tim Taylor that are furthering these sterotypes, but real fathers that feel like they're the bread winners and that the women should be the nurturers and that's that. Go ahead...be mad...but be mad at those dads that...err...well, the dad that just handed me a screaming baby because he couldn't screw a sippy cup lid on properly and soaked her and the crib in formula.
*sigh* Stereotypes are the worst.
Halloween, however...tons of fun ^_^
No offense intended, but I kind of agree with the first comment. I understand the specific words were said in a joking matter, but I'm so tired of that kind of sentiment. In a sense, you're doing some stereotyping yourself by assuming anyone who's conservative thinks like that. But anyway, I digress.
My dad raised me from age 12 and on and people would sometimes make those kinds of comments. It got old. Cute pics, though!
@bgibbs11@xanga - No offense taken at all =)
@bgibbs11@xanga - I agree with you. I would probably be labeled as a conservative and I grew up with parents who don't approve of halloween but they never even talked about ruining it for everyone else.
@Dadosaurus_Rex@xanga - I read the entire article and I still cringed when I read those remarks just like you cringed when people made comments about you babysitting. I understand you were trying to be humorous....but then, so was the cashier and lady in the aisle. If you would like other people to consider the facts and your feelings before they comment, it's probably safe to assume the rest of us would like that same courtesy.
@theworldiswatchingyou@xanga - difference was i was intentionally being humorous for humors sake...the people in the store I encountered were being ignorant. I know not all, and probably not even most, conservatives are not like what i wrote; however that is the politically humorous view people paint of them. The two women i wrote about were not being funny in the sense that it was "we know your not babysitting but we will be funny and cute and say you are tee hee". They were implying that as a father I was simply babysitting in the absence of the mother being there. There was no other thought to it then that when they made the comments. Trust me, I have ad enought people in the past 3 months raise their eyebrow, or scoff at the notion that I am actually the primary caregiver. When i say im a stay home dad 90% women look at me like im some kind of deadbeat who cannot get a job and is making my wife work and then also take care of the kids while i sit on my ass at home eating bon bons and watching porn. The other 10% assume im joking. These women were ignorant of the fact that men can take care of children, and can do it just as well as mom can. Thats what irks me. If they were just being funny I'd laugh to, problem is they are not. I'd be willing to bet a dozen donuts that 3/4 of the moms who read Momaroo here probably read my post and thought it was strange as hell that I was a SAHD and why I wasn't working so my wife could stay home, or worse, why we both weren't working.
@Dadosaurus_Rex@xanga - "the people in the store I encountered were being ignorant" Technically you have no way of knowing that. Just because the majority of people who make the statement believe it doesn't mean they necessarily did too. Perhaps you just do not enjoy being the butt of someone's joke. I am not denying that there are plenty of ignorant people out there, or that what they said was rude because you are completely right about that.
What I'm saying is that when anyone makes a stereotypical statement the person being stereotyped is going to place that statement in the context of having been around people who honestly believe the stereotype (just as you did by assuming the women must be serious and several commenters did by assuming you were serious).
Regardless, just because someone is joking doesn't make it ok. Even joking about stereotypes helps perpetuate them. It's why we (should) confront people making racist remarks even if they are joking. Stereotypes do the opposite of leveling the playing field and make it harder for the stereotyped person/group to be taken seriously about anything. That's basically what you said in your article.
You are just making yourself exempt because you think your joke was innocent and funny enough that no one should be offended. But there are people who think the same thing about what the women said to you. I'm just asking that if you want respect, to dish it out.
no matter what parent you are - you are not babysitting when it is your child! i have heard women refer to it as such! I applaud you for doing this...some men just can't let a woman 'take care of the family' while they stay home and 'watch the kids'...you are not a babysitter, you are his father and caregiver. BTW, I'm a conservative and I was not at all offended by your humor as it was meant in jest, their comments were stupid.
I'm with ya, man. My wife and I worked opposite schedules for years so that one of us could always be home with the kids. I would often take care of the kids for 10 hours, and then go work a full shift afterwards at night.
I fully agree that I wasn't babysitting. I was parenting. I was teaching them things, and making sure they grew up right.
However, I will admit that my wife is better at it than I am.
I'm sorry they referred to you as babysitter. It's sad, but truly they meant no offense.
My husband is an excellent Daddy and we both work, so neither of us is around all the time, and we work opposite shifts to watch the littles. Usually when I'm by myself I hear "Aww, Mommy's got the boys today" and my husband tells me about all the girls that hit on our little boys. I don't know what they call him, lol.
I think your son is just precious though!!
I don't know about the pumpkins though, we've still got some. :D
At the doctors office when they ask me a question I don't know (Like when AJ had had a fever all night and I'd just gotten off work, so I didn't know how high or when the last time he'd had his medicine was) I just looked at Nick and said "I don't know, how high was it" and the next time they asked a question, I told them honestly "I've been at work all night, Daddy was home with him, ask him." After that *they were very polite* they changed so that the primary person they were asking was him. I think a lot of people do it so the wife doesn't feel ignored, ESPECIALLY if it's a female nurse/doctor asking. We tend to try to respect each other and usually don't notice we're doing it.
I love this post and don't worry much of the USA mommy-only mentality is changing! I nanny for a family where the mother and father are equally loving and involved with their children and I know this is how my future husband and I will be as well. You had every right to feel angry when that woman called you a baby-sitter. Keep up the good daddy work! Your son is absolutely precious too btw!