Just straight out tell him. It's better than him hearing it from a stranger. I think you can also take initiative. I have 10 uncles and 3 biological aunts as well as aunts by marriage, and they all took part in raising eachothers kids. When we were out of line, they disciplined us when our parents weren't there to do it. They were my aunts and uncles after all so I listened. I think it's better when you're related instead of like, a teacher or someone non-personal to you trying to discipline your child. Don't try to put it nicely either. For instance " I think your child has a behavior problem" or "Johnny's not very nice" because that will usually get the response of "Oh, he's just being a kid" or "he'll grow out of it". Be as brutally honest as necessary because everyone always thinks there's nothing wrong with their child.

Sounds like the classic "My son is an angel and everyone else is horrible" dilemma. It's okay, you'll get over yourself.

I say it is YOUR house and if MONSTER NEPHEW is running a muck and affecting your kids, you have EVERY right to say something.  That's not how you do it in your household, if he does it else where then that's fine, but NOT in your house.  That way he learns that he can't get away with the same stuff he does everywhere else at your house.  He'll learn his boundaries and act straight at your house and be a monster everywhere else.  I think it's fair game.  Talk to your brother first and let him know that his son needs to learn to respect everyone when he's there and that it is your house.  I would, I've done it before, and I will do it again! I have kids that act like monsters everywhere else, but my house.  I like it. 

stand your ground - it's your house. Even if the toddler is going through a hard time, the best & kindest thing a parent can do is give them structure and discipline. your brother isn't doing his kid any favors by letting him act that way.

First, it's normal to dislike that kind of behavior, especially in your own home. Second, you'd probably feel terrible if something bad actually happened to your nephew. Third, divorce is hard on everyone.

I'm sure your brother knows his son is being a monster. He most likely feels guilty for no longer being in the home and feels like the divorce is causing the child to act out. Maybe it is. Your nephew is three--his whole world has just been turned upside down. He may resent your son for having a stable family life, while he's being passed around and being shared. I'm not saying this excuses his behavior, but it may help explain some of it.

I would sit with my brother and explain that you understand how much him and his children are going through right now, but he's not doing his son any favors by letting him act out and making excuses for it("he's only three"). I'm also guessing at six that your son has grown out of the toys and clothing your son "was kind enough to donate". Come on. Your son was going to keep that stuff forever? I'd be careful that you're not teaching your son to give and expect something in return. Not everyone is gracious when receiving. Your teaching your son to do the right thing and that's what matters. I'm sure your son is well behaved(I know I think mine are-they use manners(yes ma'am, no sir), and very rarely act out), but I'd bet their's someone that is sure their child is much better behaved than yours. I know people that think their kids are angels. They think they're witty, creative and adorable. I think the kids are disrespectful little brats with sarcastic mouths. It kind of goes back to the "you never know just how you look through other people's eyes" and "let he without sin be the first to condemn". I think you've got it.

You were kind to open up your house to your brother and your nephews. Now, he needs your help. His (ex)wife may have been the one who primarily disciplined the kids, this may be foreign to him. Every parent makes mistakes, and none are perfect. Maybe you could take this as an oppurtunity to teach and coach him. It's tough being a single parent. It's hard to be the fun parent and the disciplinarian. It's tough for the parent and the child. Have patience, it'll all even out. Give your brother and nephews time to adjust. Good Luck!

Yeah, it is awful you feel that way.  You should never want any child to get hurt, regardless of the tantrums or lack of sharing.

Your son GAVE those toys *donated, really, is your nephew a charity or family?* to his cousin, and now they are his.  He SHOULD share, but your brother is his parent, and you have absolutely NO control over how he parents his child.  Just love the child and lead by example.  Your son should be around too, it's amazing how much children will mimic their older family members, he could learn from his good example. 

They only get to spend one day with their father and with their parents both going through a divorce no wonder he's upset and acting out. 

You need to stop him from hurting himself or his brother, and you can guide him *GENTLY* into learning how to calm himself down and how to express himself without the tantrums. 

You know, the kid might just be acting like that because his parents are getting a divorce. A three year old is able to realize what is going on and he is probably rebeling because of his unhappiness. Realize, that three year olds don't have the same cabilitities to share as a six year old. Also, you could take a stab at disiplining your nephew---lay down the law of your house. 

I'll feel dirty all day for saying this, but I think MangoWOW might be partly right. Of course your son has more self-control...he's got three years on your nephew. And time erases most-if-not-all memories that our own dear children have done. He is three and his parents are going through a divorce... He doesn't have his home anymore. He doesn't have his mommy and daddy together anymore. He's back and forth every two weeks, so he doesn't have any sort of consistancy. He's three years old and has no idea why these things are happening to him. Those things should not be forgotten while dealing with his behavoir.

But it should be dealt with. The first few days are always going to be trying because it's very likely that Mommy will still let him run amock, especially if it's a typical divorce and the spouse wants to gee just because the other spouse suggested she haw, but it is possible to work with his father and get his behavoir to improve drastically. If his dad doesn't want to work towards that? Then maybe it is time for him to find his own place. 

@MangoWOW@xanga - No kidding!

Hope your nephew gets hurt? It sounds like the 3 year old might not be the only one acting like a 3 year old.

I hope someone knocks you off your high horse - and soon.

you're not awful.
ive wanted to punch my bf's little brother in the mouth before.
and hes only 4. lol

@ChaoticEloquence@xanga - You and MangoWOW obviously have never lived with a 3 year old. :| Divorce or not, condoning bullying and bad behavior in general is not okay. Kids are easily influenced and impressionable, few people seem to realize that.

I absolutely hate it when my brother-in-law's sister & her husband visit with their kids (3, 4 and 9). They scream, trash things, and have even thrown things at my niece (3) and nephew (2). Their parents don't take action.

Bad parenting is probably why I hear kids screaming at the top of their lungs and making messes in public. Ever think about how those Tiny Terrors are going to be when they're older? Probably not the brightest or best in society.

Three is an age of new discovery- they are no longer babies, and want freedom and want to assert themselves. His world has been completely unraveled by this divorce. He doesn't have a regular bed where he lays his little head at night, and if he's picking up on your discomfort and hostility, of COURSE he isn't going to want to sleep. He's probably picking on his brother because he feels helpless, and can feel some control by picking on a weaker sibling. He doesn't have any stability in his life, he can't have Mommy when he wants her, he can't have Daddy when he wants him his world is utterly upside down to him- so that is probably going to manifest in not wanting to share his toys with your children. He is three- sharing is a new concept anyways. 

This kid sounds like he needs Daddy to see him more often, not less. And Daddy needs to stop feeling guilty, and actually PARENT this child. He's craving structure; by your brother giving in around every corner, he's not going to get the firm parenting he needs to feel SAFE and STABLE.