Monday, 26 October 2009

  • #1 Parenting Secret

    Do you want to know the best kept secret to great parenting? (Yup, thought so). It's understanding your child's perspective. This is big!

    Study after study has shown that understanding your child's perspective has a bigger positive impact on your children than most other things you do. If that wasn't clear, read it again!

    It is not always intuitive to know how your child views the world. It is not always easy to crawl inside her mind, either. Yet, this is the most important work of parenting. Parenting is a job with a constantly changing job description. But, if you master this one skill, your job suddenly gets a lot easier!

    Are you really too busy or too preoccupied to develop the single most important skill to being a good parent? You may be asking: But how can I possibly know what my child is thinking?

    Tuning in to another person's perspective has three levels:

    • see - Think spatially. Literally, consider how your child sees the world. Hint: if you are blessed with the ability to remember how you saw things as a kid, then you'll be one step ahead. If not, reflect on Alice in Wonderland. Like ants, children are small. Therefore, everything else looks much bigger. Also, things often appear more vivid and illustrative.
    • think - Imagine how your child thinks. Rather than imagining yourself in that situation, imagine your child in that situation. This can be an elusive concept to many, so I'll come back to it in future posts.
    • feel - Try to understand how something might affect your child even if it does not affect you.

    Some benefits for parents:

    • Life with kids will feel easier.
    • You will enjoy your kids more and have more patience with them.
    • You will be the role model you want to be by modeling this level of understanding and compassion.

    Some benefits for children:

    • Children will feel understood and respected
    • Children will feel better about themselves and more connected with you.
    • Children will learn from your example how to be less self-centered and more concerned with others feeling.

    I won't pretend this does not take thought and consideration. It's not a band-aid approach to parenting struggles. Rather, it's an entire parenting paradigm; one that offers tremendous value to your relationship with your child.Like all significant relationships, you must develop the ability to understand the other person in order for the relationship to be successful and thrive. This ability to step outside of your own viewpoint is a remarkable capability of the human mind. Use it!Has your perspective about something ever shifted after understanding another person's point of view?

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Comments (7)

  • may16abby@xanga

    I agree, me and my husband want 5 kids, I think this is an amazing way to look at it
  • Our_New_Beginning@xanga

    Thanks for the insight!
  • B2yan_C@xanga

    Haha yep. That's what I've lacked in my relationship with my parent(s) -- a mutual understanding of perspectives.

  • lovezpassion@xanga

    I believe you're right. It makes a huge difference when your child believes she/he is respected and his/her thoughts and words matter. Their happiness and development depends on it.
  • shes_lump@xanga

    so true! remember when you were 7 and your parents wouldn't listen to you no matter how many times you said your brother did it (and he did) but you got the blame for it anyway. How did you feel? And when you tried to let them know they would say "I dont want to hear it!" JUST HEAR THEM OUT FOR GOODNESS SAKES! When I become a parent I will at least get the "perspective" or side of my kid.

  • bubbelcat

    Good post.  I recently began beginning each day with a prayer for each individual child's needs and intentions.   It's sad but it hadn't even occurred to me before then to consider that they even start the day with needs and intentions beyond the obvious physical needs.  Now I am intentionally focusing on not just what each child needs but what they think they need, what they want, how they feel.  It has made such an improvement in how I approach each child!
  • Mangonese@xanga

    Funny that posts similar to this written about teenagers got so much backlash. A teenager asks parents to spend more time trying to put themselves in teenage shoes and suddenly that kid is "making excuses" for average teenage behavior. Nevermind the whole section trying to explain the psychology of teenagers to a bunch of unresponsive adults/parents. Needless to say, that blog got its a$$ kicked by trolls.

    So yeah, I agree this is a great way to improve or start any relationship with anyone of any age...including your children....at ANY age.

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