Saturday, 24 October 2009
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Read This: Playful Parenting
post from Mama True
I’ve talked to quite a few parents who have never read a parenting book, or who read them and decided to stop because they said the advice of the experts got in the way of listening to their own intuition. I am not one of those parents. For one, my intuition (or interpretation of it) is informed by my own childhood, and I have absolutely no desire to parent the way I was parented. Secondly, for just about every job I’ve ever held, training has been necessary, whether through reading manuals, shadowing someone more experienced, or learning while on-the-job. Since I consider parenting to be the most important job I’ll ever have, I’m open to learning new approaches to it, theories about it, and tactics for doing it better. Third, I love to read. What all of this adds up to is that I’ve read a lot of parenting books.
Of all of them, Playful Parentingby Lawrence J. Cohen is my hands-down favorite. I just finished reading it for the second time and let’s just say many of the pages are dog-eared, especially the chapters “Accept Strong Feelings (Theirs and Yours)” and “Rethink the Way We Discipline.”
Playful Parenting offers a parenting approach I find tremendously valuable. It makes interactions with children more fun, fosters clearer communication and a stronger connection between parent and child, and offers an alternative discipline approach rather than the typical punitive or permissive models.
Cohen just understands kids, and his book combines strategies and examples in a way that teaches the reader how to be a more playful parent. I would recommend this book to all parents because the methods apply whether you have an infant or a teenager and are utilitarian in the sense that they will actually work in the real world: when you and your child are cranky at the end of the day, when you’re standing in line at the grocery store, when your nine year old says, “I’m bored” or your teenager is ditching school.
No more, “If you don’t do this, then I’m gonna…!” No more time-outs. Instead of power struggles, Cohen advocates connection. It’s well worth reading Playful Parenting to learn how to make and keep that connection even when your own cup is empty, even when your child is pushing you away. If you read no other parenting book, read this one.
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Comments (5)
Sounds like an extension of Attachment Parenting? I will definitely look into it. I share your problem with fully trusting my instincts given the way I was parented. It's the reason I was terrified to have kids to begin with. I second guess myself all the time, wondering if I can be the one to break the cycle. Thanks for sharing this.
Thanks for posting that! I'll have to check that book out.
Thanks for the recommendation! I'll definitely have to check it out!
Great job, Dr. Cohen! For too long parents have wrestled with giving their children Time Outs. They implemented this technique punitively rather than supportively as a means to teach their child to settle themselves. This is a welcome addition to one's library of parenting books.
Frances P. Walfish, Psy.D., MFCC, Beverly Hills, CAwww.drfranwalfish.comfranwalfish@sbcglobal.net
Thank you for your input.. I will check it out. I read a lot also and feel that sometimes you just have to trust your instincts and listen to your children and teach accordingly. What may work for someone else, may not be right for you. Parents can definitely make it fun. How parents are feeling and reacting to something makes a huge difference. Accentuate the positive. I do agree that these books can help a lot of new parents. Learning new and better ways is always worthwhile.