Friday, 23 October 2009
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Being a Mother Makes College So Much Easier!
When I left for college for the first time, I thought I had all the makings of a successful college student. I graduated with an honors diploma from high school while working thirty hours a week and taking part in extracurricular activities. I had a scholarship to a private college and happily scuttled off when August came convinced I would be fine because of my intelligence and organizational skills. Unfortunately, like many other type-A personalities have a tendency to do, I crashed under the pressure of college. Being challenged for the first time and not knowing how to cope with it, lack of sleep, procrastinating because my perfectionism would not allow substandard work to be turned in, lack of money, not knowing what to do with my life, lack of time, and living with fifty other loud girls contributed to hating college and thus skipping classes and homework. Some people deal with it; some people don't. There are reasons forty percent of people do not return for their sophomore year.
Several months into my sophomore year, I withdrew and moved in with my soon-to-be husband. We decided not to put off getting married for tax reasons. As fate would have it, that ended up being a good thing since I ended up pregnant with my son. Until the happy hormones kicked in, I was a total mess. Up until that point, I was an academic snob. As far as I was concerned I had committed the the top two sins: I got married and had children before I graduated college. Everyone around me had told me I would be a failure and never happy if I let that happen. As someone who feeds off other people's perceptions and approval, it took a lot for me to move past people's judgements and realize that I was happy and that was all that mattered.
When I enrolled and attempted classes again at a much cheaper community college, I realized having a family ended up being an advantage for me continuing my post-secondary education:
Lack of sleep is not a hindrance. After only getting three nights of eight uninterrupted hours of sleep in the past year, I have learned to function without it. Early classes, while annoying, are not a problem. I can stay up late to finish an assignment and not be tempted to fall back into bed. I used to be incapable of being coherent when sleepy. Now I can happily fool people even if my brain is still foggy.
Focus and motivation come when I need it. With only an hour or two a day to do studying and homework, I cannot afford to dally around. The short time also means that my procrastination due to perfectionism has also been taken care of. The driving urge to prove to people that you can go back to college after taking a break has also reinforced going to classes and studying. Having a one-year-old look at you with big innocent blue eyes also doesn't hurt either!
Financial aid is being very nice to me. I get paid three thousand dollars a year to go to school full time. I have a classmate that hates all the young girls with children or the young married ones (apparently the older students are exempt from her scorn) solely because of this fact. I know it sucks to be considered dependent for financial aid purposes even though you are solely responsible for your support. However, since I have been there before, I have no qualms taking advantage of the system when it works in my favor. Not worrying about how to pay for college takes a load of stress off my shoulders.
College is still hard and I would never be able to do it without my husband. Single mothers have to be goddesses. I don't know how they manage to do it all because I certainly would not be able to.
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- From: enmy_sephius@xanga
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Comments (21)
I'm in my second semester of college and have two kids. I absolutely love it. I couldn't agree with you more!
I'm a mom and I'll be going back to school at some point in the next few years. This post sounds exactly like me--I had very firm ideas about what were the right things to do, and that didn't include leaving college to start a family. I always joked about going to college to get my MRS degree (because I don't necessarily plan on being a big-time career woman), but I always thought I'd at least finish the degree before starting my family. As it turned out, 3 years into college, I cracked and just couldn't handle it any longer. I realize that when I do go back, it'll be harder in a lot of ways, but the points you brought up are definitely true! I think it's easier to get things accomplished when you have something like a family to motivate you. Moms who are in college are amazing--you girls can do it all! :)
We acquired two children through a family situation while I was in the middle of a semester. I took a semester off after that because my kids needed me to and now I'm back in school.
I think you're wrong that it makes college easier though. It takes so much effort to balance everything - my husband, my daughters, school - and unfortunately I don't get that $3,000 that you apparently do. I have to take evening and online classes because we can't afford child care for two children under the age of three (I don't have a spare $1000 a month!) and I have to study in whatever spare time is left after kids/cleaning/sleeping/etc. My husband is a college student too which has made it easier because we both understand the importance of carving out time for studies as well as time for us. Still, it's hard, almost impossibly so. It's worthwhile completely and I have no intentions of stopping school again, but it's incredibly difficult to balance everything.
It really is funny, because I'm planning on going to school in Fall '10 since I've gotten pregnant. I feel much more motivation to do it and I know that the financial situation will be drastically different!
Thank you so very much for this post! I was an absolutely driven person in high school. I took a few college classes and realized--i'm absolutely burned out. It was like i could not even face going back. So I didnt, and I got married last year. the "warnings" doubled when I got married. People who barely figured into my life have been warning me to go to college NOW before I "ruin my life and have a baby". I'm very offended. My parents are both professionals, my father has a masters degree and both my parents HATE their jobs. They have put every pressure on me for going to college, and have even gone so far as to "forbid me" from having children until I do! I'm not saying I plan on doing one or the other first--all I know is that right now I dont know what I want to do in college and I'm burned out. So your entry really helped me so much to see that you CAN be successful no matter when you go to college! Heck, I'm only 21--I have time left to decide. Thank you for your entry :)
@Kait82521@xanga - I think if my husband and I were both in college at the same time (he still needs to finish his) things would be a lot more difficult. It would not be this easy without the financial aid (not to mention I am still in lower level classes). Having a family made it harder in some aspects, but the skills of taking care of a family helped to balance things out a bit. It sounds like you two are doing an amazing job and I hope things turn out well.
@TheBoxofDreams@xanga- Eh, I'm 21 too so there is plenty of time to do things. I'm pretty sure our parents gave the exact same speeches.
@xoxokissme@xanga - Society should really accept that college students can burn out and not be failures at life. I don't really want to be a major-career woman either. This is more to appease family and friends.
I like this post! I'm a college student in my senior year and I go crazy enough without having a child, so I give you so much credit! I have a cousin that got pregnant when she was unmarried and in college, and to see the looks of disappointment on my grandparents' faces when they found out, you'd think they'd just discovered that she was a criminal. She ended up having a beautiful little boy and marrying the father two years later, when she realized it was because she really loved him-- not just because they had a baby together. Both of them finished school while taking care of their son and now they have good jobs and a nice house. I have so much respect for her and for anyone else who can do what she's done! Best of luck with your studies!
I'm 21, in my 3rd year, married for 14 months, and about burned out. It's stubbornness that keeps me going. But I do really want a baby. My husband and I discussed it and decided that we will not until we are financially independent from our parents (who are really great about supporting us through our university time). We want to be under our own roof with our own rules when baby comes though.
Good on you ladies for balancing such a full life so well :) I wish I could be one of you.
Great post! I was an A student all through high school and ended up being a C student in college for those very reasons. I got married and had a child before graduating. I went back to school and became an A student again. I just got back my focus and motivation and was able to better prioritize.
you are very lucky! college is kicking my ass. my school is a private, $40,000 a year and we barely get any financial aid to pay the tuition fully. (we always seem to come up about $2000 short every year) im a single mother & i seem to never have time to study because my mother doesnt seem to get the fact that I HAVE TO STUDY in peace sometimes and calls me down stairs for every little thing. even to pull my daughter's hair back in a pony tail. (and seems to say nothing when i'm just watching tv...) as much as i love being a mom, it does take a tole on me... but i know i'll get through it some how... even if it does take a long time and many re-taken classes...
You can get financial aid for being married?
@a12906@xanga - Getting married takes you from dependent to independent status. If you make that jump you don't have to include your parents income on the fafsa and generally that qualifies most people for more grant money.
If you already independent though it doesn't do much good.
@enmy_sephius@xanga - Hhhmmm...in my state foster kids can emancipate themselves at eighteen, or stay in until twenty-one. I plan on staying in until twenty- one for financial reasons. I wonder if I cannot get both married and foster care aid.
@Ich_liebe_michx3@xanga - Two thousand short each year does not sound like much at all.
@a12906@xanga - For financial aid, you will already be considered an independent for being in foster care so getting married won't change much...unless you really wanted to anyways.
I'm doing online schooling and for us both being in college it would be very difficult for us to take care of a baby and for both of us, me in particular to do schooling and do good in school. Sometimes I think it is a blessing that we do not have children and I am struggling to concieve, becasue we know we're not in a financial situation to care for a baby. Not while I am studying for my A.S. and will be studying for my B.A. Degree hopefully starting in June 2010. Thankfully the college I'm going to for my A.S. Degree (Penn Foster College) has a pay monthly plan that doesn't incur interest (which is forbidden in Islam) and they don't have a plan with FAFSA anyway.
When I got accepted at Pittsburg State University in Kansas, I only got $2,000 a semester. The finanical aid people at the school said that if I didn't get a job on campus I wouldn't get the work study money which would have left me with only $1,000 a semester of tuition from federal aid, leaving us to pay another $5,000 out of pocket that we would not be able to pay. It costs $6,000 a semester to go to Pittsburg State University. When I got accepted at University of Toledo they took away $1,000 of my tuition leaving me with only $1,000 per semester!
@a12906@xanga - i know its not, but its very annoying when they say "we give full scholarships!" when its a lie...
This sounds great! I'm hoping to be married before I graduate college, but my boyfriend says "no way" to having any kids while still in school. With my luck, it will probably happen on accident anyway. He says we need to be able to afford it first. Well of course, but I think we can manage fine while I'm in school.
im gonna say i think YOUR a goddess for being able to function with that little of sleep! i can hadlr function getting 5 to 6 hours of sleep!!!
but then again i dont have children... i am up alte a lot tho lol.
good luck with your studies
MJ
@Ich_liebe_michx3@xanga - lol give them a full knuckle sandwich.