Thursday, 22 October 2009
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Good Age Difference Between Children?
When we got pregnant with our son, we decided it would be a good time because by the time he was born my step daughter would be three and that would be a good age difference between them. Our son will be almost a year and a half old when baby number two is born. Not exactly what we planned for but we are happy none the less. [Just for a fun little note I'm sure it was doomed to happen. lol I'm the oldest and me and my brother are 14 months apart and my mom and her oldest sister are also 14 months apart.]
What is a good age difference between children?
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About the Author
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- From: alternative_mom@xanga
- Name: alternative_mom
- About Me: I'm a different kind of mom. I'm not your typical SUV driving, suburban mom. I'm younger than some mothers. My step daughter was born April 27, 2006 and my son February 15, 2009. He was seven weeks early and spent 25 days in the NICU. I'm currently not married to his father but we are planning to elope here really soon. His father truly is my soul mate and means the world to me. I currently don't work but I just completed my first semester of college but sadly I will no be returning due to school issues. I love my son with my everything. But I definitely feel I have a different take on motherhood and parenting. And life in general.
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Comments (46)
My brother and I are 2 1/2 years apart, and we are each other's best friends. When our friends talk about fighting with their siblings, we just get confused like, "Well, you live with them, shouldn't you try to get along better?".
I only have one child so I don't really have any advice as far as what's the best age difference from a child management perspective. But I told my midwife I wanted to have kids close together in age and she said that from a medical standpoint she likes to advise women to wait six months to a year before getting pregnant again. She said from her clients that they tend to have an easier time with the pregnancy if they've waited at least six months. That of course is totally subjective because some women could get pregnant when their baby is two months and have an easy pregnancy but some women could wait till they have a two year old and have a really hard pregnancy. I can see the benefits of letting my body heal thoroughly though.
I want to wait till I lose the rest of my baby weight and my son isn't exclusively breastfeeding. It's all in God's hands though because I'm not taking any kind of hormonal birth control.
I know that me and my siblings are all 5 years apart... and thats a bit much. We used to fight a lot and we never really got into the same things because of such an age diffrence. Now that my brother and I are older its not a big deal, but the diffrence between 10 and 15 is quite a big one. My 2 younger sisters Im 10 and 15 years apart from we have always gotten along well. My sister that is 10 years apart is acctualy my best friend. I wanted to have my kids 2-3 years apart so that they would be able to get along more. My cousins who were about 10 months apart get along perfect, but that was a lot on their mom :P
@Lil_Firefly_25@xanga - me too! my brother and i are 2 1/2 years apart and we get along so well. haha, it's like you took the comment right out of my mouth! : )
The age difference between my first and second is 4 years....second and third is 2 years....third and fourth is 3 years....and fourth and fifth is 12 years! LOL!
From a mom perspective I'd say three years apart is just about perfect. As far as how well the children get along, I think that depends on personality and stage of life more than years in between.
Whatever the Lord wills!
I think anything between 1 year and 3 years apart is good though. Anything farther apart and the kids don't get to be "friends" as much because of the age gap. My two are 15 months apart and I'm hoping the next gap will be about 2 years. 
It depends on your preference. Just like you, my 2nd and third are 17 months apart, and I don't know if I can say I recommend it. A lot of people do, and maybe it's because I'm still adjusting to this new life with 2 babies, but it's proven itself difficult. However, I also have a 7 year old and she's TONS of help. So when they're far apart the older one is definitely a blessing. As for the 2 closer in age, I hear it gets easier with time.
Between 2-3 years is best, from my experience. 1 and under is too close and they'll spend so much time together they might compete and be irritated with each other. 3 years and up is too far apart because their interests will be too different, and the younger one will try to follow the older one around, thus irritating them. The older one might be mean to the younger one so that the younger one would leave them alone, thus making the younger one not like them. My sister and I are 4 years apart. I idolized her when I was little, but she was terrible toward me so we really don't get along that well now.
My brother is 7 years older than me and my sister is 10 years older, and even though it's awesome in some ways, I would probably recommend more like 2-4 years apart. There are times when I feel like I'm not as close to my siblings as I could be simply because they were out of the house for so much of my childhood.
There's just under 2 years between my boys. I like the spacing. Close enough where they are into the same things and can play together but far enough to have their own things going on separately. Works fairly well with a 5, 3 and almost 2 year old. Not looking forward to having a 17, 15 and 13 year olds though.
I feel like, if the age gap is a year apart, the children will not really learn from each other.
If the age gap is too large, the younger child will learn a lot from his or her sibling but will they be able to hang out wit each other?
I feel that 2 or 3 years is a good age gap because the children can be in school with one another for a while, and there is enough of an age gap where they can learn from age other but still hang out together.
I have two older brothers. My brothers are about a year apart and they are 6 or 7 years older then me.
I did learn so much from them, since they are older, and experienced more then I have, but as far as hanging out, it just doesn't work out. In reality we are in two different worlds.
There's 5 years between me and my elder brother and growing up we were like cat and dog! We get along fine now we're both in our thirties, but I think like enyas_mom said above, 5 years is a little too big an age gap. He was not exactly the protective older brother I think everyone hoped he would be!
I was 9 when my sister was born and we never got along. My sister was 16 when I was born, and after age 3, we were best friends ever since. I had a so-so, leaning towards good relationship with my brothers who were within 2 years of me. I don't know if any of that means anything. Maybe
There is a 3 years 3 months age difference between my brother and I and we've always been close, except when I was 15 and he was 12 but that was a teenage phase. I plan to have a 3 year age difference between my son and baby number 2, so hopefully God willing I'll get pregnant at the right time.
My kids are girl-boy-girl-boy, and there's less than 2 years between each. The girls are 2y10mo apart, and the boys are 2y2mo apart.
It works well.
@XxFireXboltxX@xanga - are you using other methods, or FAM? Just curious, I am trying to find all the info i can before i go down this road. :)
I think 2 years is good. My sister and I are 20 months apart, and we've always been best friends. My older sister was 9 when I was born, and we never got along, until she moved out.
I would have liked for my kids to be 2 years apart, but I had my first one so young. If I get pregnant now, they will be about 2 1/2 years apart. That sounds good to me.
my brother and i are 3 1/2 years apart, and we get along SO well. though, my cousins (older girl, younger boy also) have almost the exact same gap, and they really don't get along at all most of the time. *shrugs*
My oldest two were 2 1/2 years apart and it worked well. The oldest was old enough to grasp the concept of the baby and to be somewhat independant as I took care of the baby. They were good friends as they grew up and of course had typical sibling scabbles at times. As adults, they get along great and enjoy each other and their spouses well. The younger two were 18 months apart and as soon as one left a stage the other entered it and this was hard for me. I was tired of the two's when the second entered it, etc. My husband and his brother were 4 1/2 years apart and were never really able to connect much. The stages they were at were just too far apart. My sisters and I (3 of us) were all born within 2 years and 9 months and none of us got much individual attention for who we were. So, that is my take on the whole thing - lol.
Your body wants them to be less than 4 years apart. I read that somewhere when I was pregnant. For practical reasons, it is good to have the first out of diapers before the next comes, but as they grow, having them close in age has many social benefits.
Mine are 4 1/2 years apart. Sometimes it would be nice if they were closer. I'll have an 'only child' for the high school years when the second needs advice from a sibling. On the other hand, big sis really is older and wiser.
My own sisters were 8 years older and 2 years younger. The first was the advice giver and the second was the companion. Now, the older is more companionable and the younger has no children but 'knows everything' about them. *sarcasm* We don't talk as much as we did.
@marzish@xanga - Just FAM. Actually, since I'm exclusively breastfeeding it's referred to as LAM (Lactation Amenorrhea Method). It is the same principle but it focuses on keeping your body from ovulating while breastfeeding exclusively. I will switch back over to using FAM when I start ovulating again...no luck in that department yet.
I'm a big fan of it. One --- it's natural. Two --- it is really, really easy. Three --- I've learned my body a lot better!! :)
Check out the books "Taking Charge of Your Fertility"(FAM) and "Breastfeeding and Natural Child Spacing" (LAM) to find out more about both methods.
I will say this about LAM though....it is a very different lifestyle than what our American culture expects of mothers and babies. It is based a lot on bedsharing, ecological breastfeeding and no use of bottles or pacifiers.
anything past 3 years is a little too much. my SO and his brother at 8 yrs apart, and they can't talk about "friend" things. its just another parent for the little one, and its just another kid for the older one.
@XxFireXboltxX@xanga - thanks! I will check those out! :)
Me and my brother are 4 years apart. Because of this, my brother spent 4 years not having to share with anyone, and he always got the attention, until I came along and that all changed. My brother doesn't like me very much and never has. So personally I think children should be closer. Maybe 2 years.
we're all two years apart. i think two or three is good between each kid. i feel like more than that might be stretching it.