I compeletly understand where you are coming from.  There have been many times when I have felt like cutting the ties with my husband's dad.  His dad as always viewed me as someone who shouldn't be with his son, simply because I will not allow him to walk all over me and because I refuse to fall for his mind games.

There has been one incident where I completely cut him off from me and my son.  When he was dating this one woman who I knew was a psycho, I let him know it and let him know I didn't trust her.  I was pregnant at the time.  Well, not long after my son was born, my father-in-law told my husband I was not allowed at his house, since I didn't like his girlfriend, but my son was more then welcome over there.  I let my husband and his Dad know, that if I wasn't welcome over there, then there was no way my son was going over there.  It remained that way for a few months, until my father-in-law removed his head from his butt. 

I'm very lucky in that I married into a great family.  I was hesitant of my MIL at first, thinking she would be overbearing (especially with her being a retired nurse and us announcing we were planning a homebirth).  But she's a wonderful woman that is very conscious of how she approaches us and never oversteps her boundaries.  She only gives advice if asked.

My birth mother, on the other hand, is a different story.  I cut ties with her almost 15 years ago.  She was/is an alcoholic and was very mentally and verbally abusive.  I've seen her a few times since, but she may never know her grandson.  I don't feel guilty anymore - it's how she chooses to be.

You have every right to feel the way you do - NO ONE has the right to disrespect you in such a way.  I'm sorry that they can't see past a physical disability and see you for whom you are.  Their loss.  I know that doesn't make it any easier, but life is too short to worry about pleasing the unpleasable.

Are you sure you need to let them see your kid if they act like that? You wouldn't let your kid go out and do what he wants if he acted up, these people are clearly the same way.

I am so sorry that you have to deal with such rude and judgmental people. I wish you the best of luck with the situation.

My husband's biological mother is schizophrenic and she tried to end his life when he was only two. Luckily, his father was smart enough to get him out of that situation and had a restraining order put against her. When my husband turned 18 the restraining order ended and he chose not to get another one, feeling that he could handle any situation that might arise with her, being that he is in the military. He chose to contact her once, because he thought maybe she might have changed. She has not and he has since ended all communications with her. He had told me he never wanted me to have to meet her and I agreed with him from the stories I have heard. Unfortunately, he is deployed right now and while I was out with someone else in his family one weekend, she showed up and I was basically forced by this other family member to meet her. She introduced herself and then preceded to tell me that I wasn't good enough for her son because I wasn't like her (why anyone would consciously want to be like her, I have no clue), and that if he ever wanted to have anything to do with her he would have to divorce me. I am fortunate enough that my husband will stand up for me to his family, no matter what.

I'm very sorry that you have such horrible in-laws...

It reminded me of my cousin's situation. Her parents made her boyfriend still call them by their last names after they were dating for 5 years and lived together, just because they thought he wasn't good enough for her. Luckily, she found the strength to put her foot down and demand respect.

I hope you can find a way to deal with this. Maybe you should confront your parents-in-law openly about this situation, with your husband by your side. Even if it changes nothing, your position will be clear...

This really puts my little quarrels with my in-laws-to-be in perspective...

I have had issues with my mother and stepfather that have made me consider cutting all ties. I live an hour away and I barely speak to them. But, all ties have not been severed. Still, it would take very little for that to occur now.

I don't think it is wrong of you, what your in-laws are doing is not good for you, for your spouse, for your child or for your marriage. They can believe whatever they want to believe, that's their prerogative. However, that does not mean you have to follow their wishes and whims and make yourself into an invalid for their convenience.

You are an adult, you are married, you are capable. Even if they don't think so. They have no say over you or your child, that child is not theirs. It's good that they want to see their grandchild, but they have no right to tell you what to do. They can say what they want, and you can consider it, but that is all you need to do. And really, even that isn't necessary. They don't act like people who deserve much consideration.

I would tell them before I go down there the next time, if I went, that things would not be going the usual way. If I wanted to go somewhere alone with my son, I would. He is mine and there is no more danger than if they were driving him around, and if they aren't comfortable with it...then I guess they just won't be comfortable.

I would look into perhaps a motel or something for you three, mostly so that they can't insist so much that you not be alone with your son just because THEY think you aren't capable of handling it. But, that may be beyond your financial means. It might also depend on how long you stay.

Personally, I would not at all think it would be out of line to just stop accepting packages or going down for holidays and whatnot. It would also not be out of line to make THEM make the trip to YOU to see their grandchild once in a while. They can make their own rules within their own home, but if they come to you it is your home and they may not like it but they will have to live by your rules instead. And that you just can't comfortable with them stepping all over your authority.

Your child needs to grow up understanding that you and your husband both are the first authority, and if you both plus his paternal grandparents are there, it is you two who are the authority figures. Not your grandparents. Unless the child is staying with them without the two of you around. And that you alone are also just as much an authority figure as your husband. Otherwise, I think it will be very confusing.

I am not married (nor have I ever been), and my boyfriend's parents are very good to me. I know that a while back in the relationship his mother said we should break up because he was going to get hurt, but she said that because he was badly hurt by his previous girlfriend and she was afraid for him. Luckily enough, she does seem to like me, and so does his father. :) Now they seem to encourage him to take me places, ahahaha. :)
Might I ask what the disability is? What they're doing is definitely wrong, no matter what, but it would help put some better perspective on it. (I mean, they might think that it's too minor a disability to matter and that you shouldn't be getting assistance, or that you have too great a disability to care for a kid- either way, you clearly are able to care for your child because you DO, and they have no right to try and force you to relinquish your authority. If they were just making kind suggestions, it would make sense, but they are being entirely unfair. Not cool.)
They can make their own rules for their own house, of course, but the car thing makes no sense and most (if not all) of their rules have little basis in logic.

Wow, there must be some kind of Xangan karma going around. Today I realised my breaking off a long term relationship a year ago was not the tragedy I kept feeling it was. It was a blessing because him n his fam would never have respected me or thought me good enough for their son, they essentialy were fixing him up with someone else right in front of me and he refused to see it. So just like I realised for myself today, you are wonderfull and if they choose not to see it they are missing out! It's you and your child, you will always have that. Your husband has the option of treating you like the wonderfull person you are or fall victim to his parents evil schemes, again his loss. If he does I am fairly certain you have alot of law on your side regarding your fears that the in-laws may want to take the kids. Just in case, do the research now. Protect your life.