Tuesday, 20 October 2009
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When is Going Too Far... Too Far? - Child Abuse
I've been contemplating a few things before I decided to type out this blog, and share it with you all.
1. Post it on Healthkicker or Momaroo?
2. Is this even a health topic?
3. Lastly, am I overreacting to this situation and being too senstive?Child abuse. Yep.
According to childwelfare.gov, child abuse can be defined as (federal law):
- Any recent act or failure to act on the part of a parent or caretaker which results in death, serious physical or emotional harm, sexual abuse or exploitation; or
- An act or failure to act which presents an imminent risk of serious harm.
Here's the situation:
My mother is... well. In all honesty, she has some major anger issues. As I was about to go running, my mother sits on the couch and ignorantly states that fat people cannot grow. I'm guessing she meant height-wise. In response, I scoff and say not all people are like that. Whether that is true or not, I was tired of her acting like she was always right. She glances at me with a frown and barks "WHAT DID YOU SAY?! If you have something to say, then say it loudly. Am I wrong?" With a dirty smirk, she replies "You're fat, aren't you?", laughs, and says again, "Yeah, you're fat". I gotta admit, that hurt. It was bad enough that I was stressed out about school and colleges, now this. If you ask me, that remark that was not needed. In a instant, I take off my shoes throw it, grab my SAT book and go up to my room. From my room, I can hear her talking, but not taking in what she is saying. About half a hour later, she keeps talking, then stays quiet. In boredom, I went back downstairs to retrive my phone and iPod. Another thirty minutes pass, and all you hear is glass being thrown to the ground and other objects being thrown - She was having a trantrum (again). For the past twenty minutes or so, that is what she's been doing. Throwing books/objects to the ground, shattering dirty dishes and cups, and throwing shoes out the door. My brothers, in a state of shock, come running upstairs with my laptop and bag. "I saved your stuff before she could reach it." One replies in a huff, who was almost about to start crying. (Even though my brothers annoy the hell out of me sometimes, it really breaks my heart and makes me angry when they cry).
She was having a fit over THIS? Did she expect me to just sit there and take it? "Oh yeah, I'm fat. Thanks! Do you wanna add in ugly too?"
In the past, she's gone as far as threatening to kick me out (the time when I "defended" my brother), pulling my hair, cussing at me in Korean, mentally abusing us (ex. "You're so ugly, nobody would want you." "You have such bad personality." "Why are you so stupid?" "Life would be better without you and your brothers. I didn't even want you guys!") and of course, beating me. To my brothers, she's basically done the same thing to them - Beat them with a bat, even, with their pants down. That's just cruel. And who cuts their child's fingernails with those over-sized, rusty scissors at 6 in the morning. (that's a different story) Creepy.
My brothers and I have agreed that we do not feel safe in this house, and that our mom is... well, pretty scary.
Would you consider this child abuse? Should I talk to a adult about it? Or am I just making a big deal out of this?
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- From: mywordsx@xanga
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Comments (102)
Totally child abuse. I hope you can get out of there or get her some help because she does not sound well. :(
I would definitely talk to a school counselor or someone. Tell them everything you've told us (and even things you haven't). They need to know and they need to find a way to confront her without putting you or your brothers in harm...
Yes. That is absolutely, totally, 100% child abuse. Please please please talk to somebody!!!
Please. Talk to someone. Your mother sounds like she loses control of herself easily and if you and your brothers don't feel safe, then you need to trust your gut instinct because all it takes is one time for her to lose control and take things too far. Don't let it get to that point before you bring it to someone's attention. I don't have the answer to whether this can be classified as abuse. Emotionally, it obviously is, but it seems like emotional abuse isn't enough to get help. I wish I could give you an email address or a phone number... so you could tell someone what's going on and hear for sure what you should do. Don't you dare believe for one second what she says to you.
<3
That is definitely child abuse, or abuse ingeneral for that matter. Definitely go talk to someone. If you tell a police officer then steps will be taken immediately, if you tell a social worker they might work a bit slower/softer. BUT, SOMEONE NEEDS TO KNOW NOW. Anger issues like that only escalate with time. You need to get away from her, take your brothers, go to a friend's house, go to a safe house, something. She will never stop being abusive until she has a reason to stop and evidently her kids aren't enough of a reason for her.
yeah. beating you is wrong. That's abuse. Saying your fat isn't abuse though. Just bad parenting.
What a pissy mom. You'd think that she'd only complain about grades...
Anytime you feel unsafe in your own home you should tell somebody. I suggest telling a teacher, guidance counselor, or other adult you trust. Seriously, tell someone.
it is emotional abuse that will likely escalate into physical. answer this question in your own head, no need to answer publicly:
she throws these fits. she makes her cutting remarks. does she then get really calm and say, "i'm sorry, i love you.... i just had a bad day." or does she stay mad and never address the issue as if it never happened. it's important that she is aware that what she is doing is wrong. that alone might stop her from a physical attack.
Yeah, that is definitely child abuse. The emotional abuse I couldn't see getting things to happen with, but, the physical abuse should clearly be enough to get you and your brothers somewhere safe. I think you owe it to them, and to yourself, to turn her in. Hopefully they'll get her some help.
If you are able photograph any evidence you have, including the remnants of her tantrum if possible. It will help to prove your case.
definitely child abuse. Please talk to some adult that can help you. I hope something changes for you and your brothers dear. <3
Definitely child abuse. Definitely too far. She needs counseling. This way beyond punishment. I have four children, ages 3 to 15, and have never treated them like that.
@ShimmerBodyCream@xanga - There's a difference?
You are in a bad situation and most assuredly are being abused. You really need to contact a trusted adult and allow them the opportunity to protect you and your brothers.
I was emotionally abused as a child and trust me, those scars take far longer to heal than those of physical abuse. I really hope that you are able to find the help you need.
@a12906@xanga - ?
YES! That is definitely child abuse. Talk to someone about it. Even if you don't take action, get the situation known. Make is so that you can take action if you need to. I was abused as a child and I put up with it until I turned eighteen and moved out. I regret not saying anything. It is a terrible situation to be in, and you don't deserve to feel unsafe.
It's been over two years since I left, and I only just started opening up to the people around me about what I went through. It's not easy, and I'm constantly battling against feelings of shame and inadequacy, but it needs to get out there, because it's not your fault.
I know you don't know me, but if you want talk, feel free to message me.
I think most of us can agree that it's abuse, but if it's only verbal, it can be hard to prove. If you or your brothers have marks left behind from beatings, you have proof. If it's just your word against hers...I don't know...I'd be careful saying too much because DCF will investiage...and then mom'll be really peeved and, if they don't have evidence, they won't remove the kids from the home...that means your stuck there for the mother of all blow out tantrums and likely going to suffer through many more as she randomly stews about it and goes off on you all for it again and again.
How old is everyone? It sounds like you're almost out the door to college...maybe it's possible to just stick it out until you're able to move out?
Talk to a school counselor or seek help from another trusted adult. Physical pain is abuse.
Its abuse talk to someone you trust, you SHOULD feel safe in your own home!
Never stick it out like some said! This is a highly serious issue and you're endangering yourself and your brothers if you keep quiet about it. No, you're absolutely NOT over-reacting, she's the one who's doing that. Talk to another adult about it and get some help. Counselors at school or maybe a friend's parents, so they can help you talk to a professional or the police. Also, like others said, take pictures of anything that seems like evidence. Including the mess that's the result of her tantrums. Do anything, but DON'T stick it out! Hope things get better and do let us know how you're doing...
Its abuse. my sister in law to be did things like this to me while my brother was in Iraq and I was living with her. Id never gotten to know her well but since my family needed money I moved and stayed with her in HIS apartment that used to be my family's(I grew up there the first 12 years of my life) I figured if he "loved her" she couldnt be all that bad. Little did I know he was just blinded
It started with coming in the door and not being able to turn the lights on at night even if the apartment was pitch black. Then it went to my laundry and how Im not allowed to eat after 9 or do my hair/makeup/take a shower after 8 p.m. or talk on the phone, have anyone over, use anything or eat the food there etc.
Later in the year she let me use a small closet in the living room usually storing coats or a few blankets. Its not that big. She was using 9 dresser drawers, a 6' closet and my brothers walk in closet for her things, and 9 dresser drawers for the baby's clothes and another larger closet. She ate my food, went through my things and one day I threw my dirty clothes at the bottom of the closet until I got an organizer and could do laundry the next day since it was new to me. She started drinking with her friend who is my age, while she is in ther 30's and decides she wanted to use the closet again for blankets then starts tossing all of my things around screaming how ungrateful and discusting I am and throwing my clothes around and finding my sealed stash of candy started screaming how gross that is and how food is for the kitchen. she made up how she supposedly found dirty pads in there and rotting food. she called me a two faced bitch. recently she did this in front of my brother again when I found that she stole a candle from my drawer and I called her out on it now that hes home and kicked me out with nowhere to go. she really thinks she can do no wrong. all this year I was mentally and emotionally abused and Im DONE.
lady go talk toyour school or put in an anonymous tip to child protective services. you and your brothers will be better off.
She may have a mental illness. I've known someones mom who suddenly went into a rage and threatened to kick her husband out randomly. she was ill with bipolar disorder
i think your mom needs a Doctor, she seriously has issues. All of this was defiantely very scary, she can kill you with her anger, talk about it with someone
definetly child abuse.
talk to someone about it. if not for yourself (cuz you'll be off to college soon), for your brothers. it's hard cuz well..you're asian and all asian parents do that somewhere down the road.
i can somewhat relate to what you're going through..just not as intense i guess.
don't let this interfere with your SATs ! goodluck :)
that is child abuse, all of it. Talk to someone and stop it