I didn't keep it a secret from her father...but her father kept her a secret from EVERYONE in his life...including his parents. My mom told his parents though and they're still in her life.

my daughters dad pays child support but has no rights to see her but this is much deeper than it just sounds i made some honest and multiple attempts to get him to come around in the end he didn't give a shit. .

I think this is sick.
Maybe we would not have so many teens acting out if angry mothers would let Dads be dads to their children. Maybe we wouldn't have so many pregnant teen girls desperate for love if their fathers had been allowed in their lives.
Don't we all have mistakes in our past? What makes us so much better as moms that we get the say as to when and where dad gets to do his job.
Children NEED fathers. Even if they are not perfect.

ok thats my rant for the day.

I don't think this is right. I must say that me and my husband are now living in 2 different households and I think that he should really try to come see the baby more often, but he doesn't. However, I would never say he cannot see his child. Every child deserves two parents. That's just the way it SHOULD be, the way it's SUPPOSE to be.  Why any women would keep a father away is beyond me when at the same time there are women that really wish that the father of thier son would indeed just spend time with children.

It saddens me because in many ways, women are too emotional and 4gets this has nothing to do with them and everything to do with the child.

As far as the guy "cleaning up his act" that is an old story. People that need to "clean up" usually do so in cycles and then crash back down into the person they were.

I think it depends on the situation. While keeping something of that importance from the father for petty reasons is wrong, there could be legitimate situations where I would agree with it.

If the father had been mentally, physically, or emotionally abusive towards the mother, then I would condone not telling him about the pregnancy, because of fear for her safety, and/or the safety of the child.

if the father were involved in heavy illegal activity (Gang activity, or whatever), or was a heavy drug addict, then I would condone not telling the father... unless and until he cleaned up his act. And by "heavy drug addict" I don't mean someone who tokes up every once and a while (Though that's still wrong). I mean someone who forsakes everything they have a responsibility to, in order to get their next fix. HOWEVER- if a person like that were to honestly clean up his act and be all on the straight and narrow, then the mother should come forward with the news.

If its for revenge over a bad breakup, or for some petty reason (I don't like his new GF and don't want her around the baby, or whatever), then that's flat out wrong.

@prettyboy78@xanga - Good response.  I completely agree.  Honestly if he's such an asshole you shouldn't be sleeping with him.  If you didn't know he was an asshole when you started sleeping with him you should seriously reconsider your moral compass and depth of common sense.

My baby's dad pays child support, but I honestly don't think he deserves to see his daughter.  His girlfriend was making death threats to my daughter via phone & MySpace, and he defended her by saying she didn't mean it and such.
Maybe she didn't mean it, but something like that shouldn't be taken lightly.

@der_lila_Stern@xanga - See, that's my problem with this post...it's terribly misleading. The system *does not* permit this sort of thing. The father's have rights and can see their children *even if they're not paying* the child support...or they're otherwise a complete waste of oxygen. Even in cases it would it be truly beneficial for the children not to have to spend time with one parent or the other, those parents still have rights. The first two sound as though they simply have not been through the system yet and the third sounds like it's in process of going through the system and a support/visitation order just hasn't been put into effect yet.

@gwacemom - Thank you. I lacked an example, but I agree that sometimes? It's the right the thing. When it's in the best interest of the child, of course, and not that mommy's still pissed that daddy took up with that size-zero blonde and this is the only way to get back at them... But all we know about those three women and three very short paragraphs. How silly to judge them and their situation based only on that.

In Ohio, the other parent (and I say other because my hubby has custody of his oldest 2 kids) has the right to see the child for visitation, unless a court order states otherwise.  The ex-wife is over 4 years behind in child support, yet every other Friday I have to pack their clothes and send them over there for 2 days.  There is nothing wrong with this woman, she just refuses to get a job.  She is simply lazy and a loser.  She is (last I knew) married to her newest child's father, but living with her ex boyfriend with her child.  So, I understand when mom's are upset and not getting support - we struggle ALL THE TIME to pay for things while the mother does whatever she wants.  There are so many times I wish I could say no, you can't take them because you didn't pay support last month (or last 4 years!)...but we have to grin and bear it...hoping something changes with this law to make it more fair because she has no incentive to get a job...if she had to work and pay part of their way in order to see them, I have no doubt in my mind she'd have a job at McD's tomorrow!  Gotta go pack their clothes now!

In these cases it is certainly wrong and selfish of the mothers to take this kind of stance. Unless there are circumstances that aren't told about in the situations you gave. But, I have no reason to think that there are. :)

I think that at the very least the father has the right to know that he's created a child with someone. If he doesn't want anything to do with the mother and the child, that's his decision. Not telling him might end up being a bad decision anyway. I've known guys who never would've gone after their ex-girlfriends for custody of a child (and also child support thereafter) if it hadn't been for the fact that the ex-girlfriend didn't tell them about the baby in the first place. I am not saying using a child like a pawn is good idea for either side, but just deciding to be petty in the first place is probably not the best idea. Naturally, though, some guys go after custody even without provocation.

In the case of the second friend of yours, if I were her I'd watch out. If she keeps refusing to let him see his child, since he has his act cleaned up and can likely prove it, he could easily go after custody of the child, or at least court-issued visitation. It would be easier for her to just let him come and see the child once in a while without having to go through any court battles. She would be more in control of the situation, perhaps. I know she probably wouldn't be if it came to be up to the court, because ultimately the court would make its own decision and she may have to put up with weekends and holidays without her child, because unsupervised visitation could be easily granted. Especially if her ex-husband can prove that he has cleaned up his act and isn't going back to his old ways, whatever they were.

And, since she wants child support from him if she takes him to court for it then she may end up finding out that he will immediately file for custody or visitation. Even if he's giving up the child support now on his own, he might eventually get fed-up with her attitude when he realizes that nothing he does will ever be good enough and she may never let him see his child. And then stop paying and either wait for her to take him to court or go to court and file for custody or visitation, as well. But, pissing him off will probably make him more inclined to file for custody instead. :/ Then again, I don't know him, so maybe not.

It's ridiculous that in the third case the mother of the child expects everybody other than herself to be providing for her baby. When you have a child, it's time to grow up and fend for yourself if you can. Not just if you feel like it. I can't say I'd feel very sorry for her at all if the baby's daddy was found and she went after him for child support and then he filed for and got full custody of the kid. But, I'd hope that if that happened he was at least not the type of guy to hurt the child. Sometimes people who really do not have any business taking care of a child are given custody or unsupervised visitation. She would be a lot better off (and so would her child) if she'd just get off her butt and seriously look for work. Since you said there is nothing wrong with her and she simply chooses not to get a job.

In all of these scenarios I can very easily see these women losing custody of their children. Especially if they piss off the baby's father. Which is sad. But, I ultimately feel the worst for their children, because they're being used as pawns to get back at their fathers. That, to me, is disgusting.

I never think it's a good reason to cut one parent out of the loop without a damn good reason, and I never, ever think it's a good idea to use a child as a pawn. No matter which parent is doing it.

It used to be that in court cases over custody the mother was generally granted custody because she was the mother. Judges didn't like to take children from their mothers, no matter what gender the children were. Which meant something had to be TERRIBLY wrong with the mother, and every bit of it needed to be documented for proof, before they would award custody to someone else. However, that era is long gone. Sometimes it still happens, if you're lucky enough to get a judge prone to making those decisions, but it is unlikely and should never be counted on.

Now it just depends on the kinds of lawyers you've got, and which parent can prove they can better provide for the child when it comes to custody. But, most non-custodial parents these days still get some type of visitation whether the custodial parent likes it or not if left up to the court. Unless something is wrong to prove that the child would be in danger. But, even then the visitation may just have to be supervised. So, it really just depends.

If I were these women, I'd be very careful. To me, it really seems like they're playing with fire. :/

@tracezilla@lovelyish - That would be nice...I think she's trying to get disability and she owes over 15 thousand!  Maybe we'll see something after all...