A+ students, top achievers, over workers, extra credit, top in sports, NUMBER 1!
A lot of kids are told or pushed to be perfect in everything they do these days thus; making perfectionists. How many of you had a parent who told you they would reward you for good grades in school? "Oh, Timmy! You got a B+! We're so proud of you!" And the child usually ends up with a dollar or so for good grades on the report cards.
For other kids though, it's not the same story.
Some never hear the words, "We're so proud of you!" In fact the words that are most often heard for these kids are, "Not good enough!" I have been a child that's "Not good enough" in everything I do and I never live it down. I'd be proud of my B grade on a paper, but then you hear "That should have been an A!" Some kids never get to enjoy their childhood years because they're too busy studying and don't have time to be a kid. Parents will just push and push and push.
Helping a child study and make sure their grades are good is fine. But would you push for them to make nothing but A+ and 100% all the time? Do you feel it's fair to the children that they have to work so hard and not get to be proud of their work.
As the child grows older they spend a lot of their time stressed out because it's no longer just school work that has to be perfect. Everything they do has to be perfect, weather it be dressing, hair, work, even the way some walk. They have to be perfect in every sense.
We're you ever pushed as a child to be perfect? Schooling is a wonderful thing and one that must be taken seriously, but, when does "perfect" get too far?
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Comments (16)
My parents (well, my dad actually) are like that, they're not happy enough with "just" an above average grade. They'll also never reward me for scoring high either, not even when I score a 10 (like I did last year for math. MATH!) because these standards are supposed to be normal for me.
I don't mind it that much though, although it can be annoying at times. I understand why they want me to score that high, and I know they'll still love me when my grade is not as good as its supposed to be, though I'd appreciate it if they'd just tell me that I'd done a 'good job' instead of the usual 'good job, but it could've been better.'
I was the oldest, so I was pushed to be as near perfect as my parents wanted me to be without them actually saying the words "perfect". It kind of gave me a complex as I got older. In fact, if I really thought about it, I probably would have majored in something else instead of English in college. I'm glad they pushed me to do well, but sometimes I wish that they had been less pushy about it.
It's not that I didn't have enough time to play. I did have time to play, and I did what I could in school. Though I know if I had worked as hard as I possibly could, I could have gotten all A's throughout high school and college, I didn't always get A's.
Going to the University of Michigan is no accomplishment to me. My parents aren't proud of it at all; they're only thankful I wasn't stupid enough to have to go to Michigan State University.
I know my parents think I'm nothing special. The University of Michigan is average. They're really excited about my brother applying to college, though...he probably won't turn out as ho hum as the first one.
at my school, not only do we get grades on our report cards, but we get comments from our teachers too. if it were the same at my children's school, grades wouldn't matter as much as effort would, some kids aren't very smart naturally but do try really hard. if my child brought home report cards with C's in every class but still said "(child's name) is making an excellent effort" i'd be very proud, whereas if my child was bringing home B's and the report card said " '' is capable of better homework" i wouldn't be happy. the only exception to this would be F's; in my own experience, especially past 6th grade, there is no excuse for an F.
My typical Asian parents did not praise me too often unless I was being awarded at school. One time, my dad looked at my B (on a test) and told me it wasn't good enough and I probably was at the bottom of my class... but I had actually made the highest grade. Another time my mom told me I shouldn't be easing through English class because English is almost like a second language to me and all the other white kids should be doing better than me. There is no way to please my parents.
I don't feel like I've become a perfectionist although I'm quite the punctual person. My parents forced me to grow tough skin and take criticism and I am indeed not traumatized by their harsh tactics.
Anything below a B wasn't good enough for me growing up. I actually got for D's and F's.
Anything below a B+ was a lecture waiting to happen. B- and below would get me a spanking with the coat hanger.
It was really tough, but looking back.....I kinda appreciate the discipline now.
my friends' parents actually pitted the brothers against each other. they had a chalkboard at home with the grades and how much money they would get. both kids of course make a lot of money now with their jobs but resent one another. they even go out of the way to disagree with one another even if you know that's not really what they think about a certain topic. my parents just expected us to try our best.
I hate how perfect I'm supposed to be. Being intelligent doesn't mean you have to get perfect on everything. If you tried your best, and you are willing to maintain a good work ethic, that's all that matters. If you need help, get help. But don't let it bring you down. Be proud in your abilities, and of the moment, not of what could have been.
@soyeahthatswhathappened@xanga - I started having black outs and fainting spells after 6th grade so I actually got a few F's because my memory is like a 1,000 year olds. I got yelled at for it all the time.
I think those parents who expect their kids to be perfect are responsible for grade inflation. Kids get A's all the way through high school and then have no idea why they didn't get into their dream colleges. If the majority of students get A's, there isn't enough room in those colleges for all the A students. In the real world, only half of the kids can be smarter than average. Average can still be smart if we consider it such.
My parents pushed me when I was a student, but that's because they knew I had the intelligence to absorb school lessons at a rapid rate. I'm not saying that to be conceited, I'm just saying that my ability to learn and retain book knowledge came quite easily to me. As such, if I ever brought home a B, they knew it was because I didn't apply myself (apply = study and really spend time on an assignment). Good grades came easily to me, and as such, they made sure that I didn't waste that ability on slacking.
That said, however, I don't think all students are "wired" the same way. People learn differently. Students shouldn't be faulted just because they don't learn as quickly or absorb information as rapidly as their peers. There are student help programs and tutors should the student require assistance. Because of the available assistance, I don't think it's acceptable for some parents to just say, "Oh, school's not their "thing" do we don't push little Timmy as hard as other parents do their kids." That might be your mentality but it certainly doesn't do anything to help serve your child academically.
My cousin is pushed massively by his father to have perfect grades and to be perfect in each and every sport his school offers. He's in so many activities and has so much studying to do that I rarely get time to see him and, when I do, he's usually tired and, though he's about fifteen or 16 years old the training regime my uncle has him on has him beefed up unnecessarily. I wouldn't be surprised if, on the chance my cousin gets into the NFL as my uncle wishes, he resorts to using steroids. He massively wants to please his father, and it annoys me because I watch and think "How in ht ehell is he going to turn out?".
My mom only gets upset if she thinks I'm not trying my hardest in a subject.
I mean, this semester I'm juggling an AP science, Honors Spanish, Honors Precal, and extracurriculars, which doesn't sound like a lot, but we're on block schedule.
Twice the class = twice the work.
However, any pressure I don't get from my parents I'm getting from my school.
Seriously. I know it's college prep and all, but that doesn't make it any easier on the teenage psyche.
My parents were definitely the type who were never satisfied, and would tell me that something was good, but could have been better. I did well in school, but there were a few subjects I just wasn't as good at as others, no matter how hard I worked my butt off. My parents attitude just made everything worse for me because even though I knew I tried my hardest and did my best, it would never be good enough for them so I could never be proud of my accomplishments. Because of that, when I went to college where it is not required of students to share grades with parents, I never shared my progress with them. all they knew was that I was doing fan and passing my classes. There were a lot of classes that I had low grades in (and one I failed and retook) even though I worked my butt off, but i was able to be proud of my efforts because I didn't have anyone getting in my face about it.
Kids definitely need praise and encouragement to thrive, and bad grades should never be punished for, unless they are the result of slacking and laziness. If a child is trying really hard and/or has a problem learning the material, punishment isn't going to solve anything. If anything, it'll just make the child more frustrated. You need to work with your child and perhaps the teacher to find out what the problem is and work out a solution. And in the end, remember that no single person can possibly be good at everything, and there's no such thing as absolute perfection. I firmly believe that as long as a person tries their absolute best at whatever they do, thats all that matters, even if their best doesn't achieve very high results. I will never get angry at my child for less than perfect grades, as long as I know he/she is honestly trying their best.
What I've observed in my personal life....this does not apply to every one in similar situations... is that people who never tell their child that they did a good job, or implied to their child that they could do better all the time are usually the parents who also shelter their children. Sheltered children eventually go off to college and because they did not spend their teenage years doing what teenagers do (party drink etc.) they go overboard in college and usually drop out. Its just something that I've observed like I said there are plenty of people out there who strived for perfection throughout their childhood and made it through college, just the majority of people I know did not.