My mother's adopted. It's just interesting, I guess, because it's different. Nothing so cool, because as far as I know, my mother still had parents, still had rules, still had a brother, and all that normal stuff. 

My husband and I are adopting our daughters and in my experience, people say really stupid things with regard to adoption. My personal 'favorite' is when they tell me they could never do it or ask me if I'll ever have a real child. Umm, you could do it if you wanted and my kids are plenty real, thanks.

We're teaching our daughters that sometimes people say ignorant things because they truly are ignorant - they have no idea the realities of a situation and they say things because they feel like they should, even though they don't know what to say.

You're completely right that adoption is ugly. It is a messy, complicated, ugly situation more often than not and in our case, us adopting the girls was making the best of a shit situation. That doesn't mean it's not worthwhile or amazing to be their parents, it just means that it sucks a lot that in order for me to be a mom, their birth mom had to desire to not be a parent. I'm not certain how to explain that to my children but it is a very ugly reality of parenting an adopted child.

what are they supposed to say?

Maybe they think it's cool that someone would want you so much that they would adopt you.  Birth mothers sometimes don't want their kids, but they keep them because they think they have to.  Adoptive mothers choose you, over tons of other kids.

It would be different if they said it was cool that you were put up for adoption.
They just said it was cool that you were adopted.

I'm adopted, and I think when people say "that's cool", they mean that someone cared enough to take you in, not that you were given up for adoption. Adoption is an ugly situation for the birth parents, but for the adoptive family, it's beautiful wonderful thing.

I think people mean "that's cool" as in, that's okay. Not in the way that they'd mean "omg, what an awesome trend!" or "that's in-style". Y'know? It's like, "you're adopted? Oh, that's alright. Doesn't mean there's something wrong with you or anything". Also, I think "cool" is immediately what people use to cover-up awkward/uncomfortable areas during conversations. I mean, they can't obviously say "you're adopted? Wow. That's sad." It'd be rude and heartless, wouldn't it?

@KimisBarbie@xanga - That's what I was going to say as well.  I think they think it's cool that your adoptive parents wanted you so badly that they chose you.  That's a lot more than some biological parents can say.

i'm adopted, and I always thought it was cool that I was hand picked by my parents for our family.
My mom and I had our fights, but when she came with me to meet my birth mom our whole relationship changed. Now she is my best friend.
We are also adopting our 2 year old.
I think the worst part of adoption is when the adoptive parents chose not to tell the children they are adopted. Friends of mine made this choice, because they have other children (bio) and don't want there to be problems between them. They don't seem to understand the pain this is going to cause later.

"And yeah, my birth-mom was screwed up when she had me. I know that. But she was taking on the responsibility of a child. Why didn't she fix herself? " 

Some people can't fix themselves.  Somewhere along the line they lost what little control they had over their lives.  And getting that control back is hard- harder than raising a child, or choosing not to.  The hardest part for us as their loved ones is that some people have been so damaged, by their own actions or the actions of others, that they will never be able to gain back that control. 

But as angry as they can make us, we have to resist the urge to blame them.  The way I look at it regarding the person like that in my life is that she isn't whole- part of her is missing.  If you think of it in a physical sense, if she was missing an arm you wouldn't blame her for not being able to a cartwheel.  We can come up with prosthetics and tools to help, but it's never quite the same.  In the same sense she's missing part of her self control.  And although there are ways she could be taught to replace it, she'll never be quite the same.  So don't blame her.  You can blame the situation, but don't blame her.

I think what's cool about adoption is that there are people like your adopted parents who are willing to take children into their homes and lives and love them.

it depends on how they say "cool''.
if they were like "...that's cool..." afterwards, it's solely for lack of a better term.
if they were like "OMFG THAT'S SO COOL" than it's because they're interested in your situation, never experiencing it for themselves.

somebody like myself, how finds the human brain a completely fascinating being, finds adoption interesting. therefore, i can connect with the people who consider adoption cool. yes, in reality, adoption is "ugly", but in a society where there are few adopted children, to run into an adopted person, the person may not be able to help their curiosity from bubbling over.

don't take it too offensively. they just want to know more about your situation.

I'm adopted. My sister is adopted. Maybe, in some cases the mother doesn't want the child, but in MOST it's because she isn't able to provide for them. I've spoken to many people who have been adopted, and contacted their biological parents, and trust me... It's really hard on the mother.

I feel like if the Mom really didn't want you, she would have an abortion.
So, by "cool" a lot of people are implying that it's amazing you were brought onto this earth, cool that your biological mother chose not to abort you, or cool that your adoptive parents were chosen/chose you and are now a part of your life.

We are attracted to and interested by differences.  
I know two friends who have adopted. 

I understand - from my own family - that love is thicker than blood.  (Garth Brooks song)