Wednesday, 16 September 2009

• The Never Ending Good Night

  from Child Perspective
  

  Sleep issues can be one of the most disheartening among normal developmental "stuff".  Kids often experience some sort of sleep disruption during the course of their development, especially infants and toddlers. Unfortunately, parents bear the brunt of these disruptions.
  

  
  

  We've been through a few hum-dingers here, especially when our youngest moved out of our room and began sharing a room with her sister. But after creating a plan, setting some limits, and being consistent, we have come out on the other side grinning (even when any hope for change or a reasonable solution seemed grim, at best).

  So, when I received this question from a dad recently, I could totally relate. Here it goes: Our 3yr old and 1yr old share a bedroom We usually put the 1yr old down, easily. The 3yr old requires a more extended bedtime routine, with 2 story books and then sneak to bed, and more bedside time and story, trying not to wake the 1yr old. When it comes time to leave, the oldest son acts up, yelling "Don't leave" and makes all sorts of excuses, like, I need to pee, or poop - and he squeezes something out. It is disruptive because it takes an unusually long time (2hrs) to get him settled, and he sometimes wakes his younger brother.
  
  Children of this age (3-yr-old) resist bedtime for many reasons:
  

  • most often they just want to continue exploring and are simply not yet ready for the day to end
  • they do not want to dis-connect from parents (emotionally and physically)
  • they may be becoming fearful about shadows, noises, etc.
    

  While an older toddler may not be able to recognize and verbalize the first two, he can express fear. Fear is a real response that is often not rational and therefore cannot be reasoned away, but with enough encouragement and straightforwardness, can be minimized. Consider your child's perspective and imagine how to best support his needs.
  
  If, on the other hand, you think your child is just playing that familiar bedtime game because he does not want to go to sleep or separate from you, then it is time to make a plan, tell it to him clearly, and stick with it. The way you approach this and explain it to your child is the most critical step. It will make or break the deal.
  
  Example: "Since your bedtime has not been going very well and you have been getting upset, we'd like to talk about and create a new bedtime routine with you. This is what we think it should be. (describe it) Does that sound good to you? When we say 'goodnight', we'll only say it once. When we close the door, it is quiet time. If you talk or fuss, you will have to sleep on the bathroom floor. We want to try it tonight and we know you will do great! Make good decisions so that we can read 2 books and you can sleep in your bed tonight."
  
  Some tips:
  

  • Set a book limit - and stick to it!
  • Create a routine - and stick to it! (ex: PJs, brush teeth, goodnight to sibling, 1 book while sitting on the potty, sneak to bed, snuggle, last book, hug, kiss, and good night)
  • Set limits and be consistent - if he fights the routine, then you immediately abort the routine and say goodnight. If he is crying loudly and disrupting a sleeping sibling, then he gets an uncomfortable consequence, such as: he sleeps on the bathroom floor. This will only happen once, if you follow through.
  • Praise the good. When he does the goodnight routine well, then you acknowledge it right away and continue to praise the next day. Before the next bed time, clearly remind him of his successes and request the same behavior for this night.
  • Give less attention for the negative and more for the positive - and stick to it!

  
  What other suggestions do you have for this dad or any parent currently in the blur of sleep issues? Subscribe by  RSS feed or email to follow the Quiet Night, Happy Night series.

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