I currently have a Plug running for my
post about Sarah Palin and Pregnant Barbie. I just received a comment on that post that says: "who wants disabled kids-you should have had that test."
Excuse me? Obviously there are people who want their disabled children, as those children are here...
I have been trying for so long to have children.
I've spent time, energy, money, emotions on this endeavor.
At this point, beggars can't be choosers, and I will gratefully accept whatever child I have. That is why I have chosen not to have prenatal diagnostic tests for disabilities.
Whatever uniquenesses my babies are born with, I will figure out how to manage with them. That is part of being a parent, and since I am so passionately dedicated to becoming one, I recognize this.
Who wants disabled children? I know I will want
MY children, be they healthy or not.
True
Comments (82)
i can't imagine anyone not wanting a disabled child. Sure, they may not be capable of doing things that normal people can do as well, if not at all, but that's alright. If everyone in this world was born normal and had no handicapps at all, i'd say the world would be pretty damn boring!! I know if my child was born disabled i would love him or her no matter what!!
I want my children, disable or not. Autistic or not. I'll still love them :D
I wouldn't wish my child was disabled, but by no means would I not "want' children that are. I would not want my children to have a harder life, however if they ended up disabled they would still be the center focus, and only love of my life. Your children are your world, no matter what.
I would never wish for my child to have a disability, but I don't know anyone in their right mind that would not keep that child for having one of some sort. Right when that child is born, you have created an inseparable bond that can't easily be broken. I would care for my child as if they were absolutely no different than a child without a disability. There's no way you can't love your child for who they are.
I'd want my children however they came to me......Disabled or not, they'd be mine and I would love them to pieces
If i had a disabled child i would deffinitly keep him/her even tho i know its going to be tough on my husband and i but i think im strong enough to take care of a child that is disabled. If GOD gave me a child like that it means he trust me enough to take care of that child and i would not let GOD down like some other people would.
All that said, there are some people out there that either flat-out don't want or cannot handle disabled children. That much is clear looking at the children in foster care and adoption. Last year there was an article in our local paper about a South Florida family that has adopted half a dozen disabled kids...at least one of which was dropped off at a fire station as a toddler. O.o It stinks, but it's a fact of life.
I can't imagine every hoping for a disabled child, but I want MY children, anyway God gives them to me. If that's disabled, the I guess that I would handle it just fine.
I want my children no matter what the circumstance. My love will always be there for them.
I seriously almost beat my head on the keyboard. Is momaroo just trying to bug me or what?
I have written many, many blogs about the joy of having my beautiful little girl whom just happens to have Down syndrome. So, in answer to that person asking you that question I have only this to say; I DO!
I will never tell anyone that this choice is the right choice for them, but it is the right choice for ME and that is enough.
I wish you luck in your quest for mommyhood. It is a wild ride and one that I wouldn't have missed for the world.
I was thinking about this exact same thing last night! A friend of mine just had a baby, and they were worried during pregnancy that she might not come out normal. She did, but what if she didn't?
I had to think hard and long about this question, and the answer is, no. My younger brother didn't come out normal, but he can still live an average life. He's not retarded or anything, just needs direction and someone to watch over him at times. Even with that, he has caused a lot of stress on my family and me. I honestly don't think I would have enough power in myself to go through this again. What if he or she becomes TOTALLY DEPENDENT on my husband and me?
I don't want to sound selfish, but I'm not a huge fan of kids, although I want some. I might as well not have a kid than a disabled one. I want my child to grow up and living a happy, independent life. I think it's being selfish to keep this kid around and make it live an unhappy, depressing, dependent life.
I don't know, I'm 18, and the world still revolves around me, lol. Maybe when I'm older I'll truly appreciate children in all forms, but I can't lie about what my brain is really saying.
I am 22 weeks pregnant, and 43 years old, wife of almost 20 years, mom to an amazing, beautiful and healthy 14 year old daughter.
We chose to pass all prenatal testing, the AFP testing, endometriosis, etc. Why? Because the fact that this child was conceived was a blessing...and the only thing worse than not being blessed is to deny a blessing.
Not only that but the incidence of error on these tests is very high....who wants that stress? A test would not change anything with the pregnancy: the only tests we are doing are the sonograms...and if there are any issues with little Quinn they would be detected en utero and taken care of through surgery as necessary.
Our society allows the choice of testing and to end a pregnancy if the testing doesn't give a satisfactory result. Ultimately what it comes down to is that we will have to answer one day for the choices we make...and if those choices were truly made for the benefit of others or for ourself and truly, our own selfishness. That isn't something I would personally want to stand and have to answer to when all truth is laid out.
We didn't do the test because it wasn't going to make a difference whether our child was disabled or not. I was going to love my child no matter what!!!
@ReddKatt@xanga - Yep....exactly that!
I am going to love my children whether they are disabled, or healthy. All of this pregnancy testing is getting insane, in my opinion. Kind of off topic, but what happens when you can find out the hair and eye color of you child before it's born? "Oh, you have green eyes, I don't want you." This world makes me effing sick. Children are a BLESSING, and they should loved and treated as such, regardless of ANYTHING that makes them "different" or "not normal."
I chose to not have any testing done, my children are wonderful and I would love them regardless. I think people that decide to abort because of a disability are selfish. A dear friend of mine has a disabled brother, their family was told he might not make it to 7 he will be 25 this year and still doing great!
i think just because you will keep your children doesn't mean you shouldn't get prenatal testing. if you do have children with disabilities, it's important to know early on so you can better arrange for their care.
Personally, it really depends how severe the disability is. Money doesn't grow on trees, and raising a healthy child is already hard enough to do. Having grown up with a step brother who is disabled, it's hard on the parents and the siblings involved. I know a lot of people want their children regardless, but disabilities affect everyone differently in the situation, because every situation is different.
I hope my children are healthy and happy, but if prenatal testing came back with some questioning things on it, I would definitely have another test and weigh out the options. I hope this doesn't offend anybody, and I've known a lot of great disabled people. But I don't know if I could raise one, you know? It takes a special person to do that.
I will accepted my child for however god gives them to me. I hope they tare healthy but I will accept them for who they are.
@gwacemom - i was looking for your comment.. I was like OMG here we go again.
@opster25 - LOL, I swear they do this just to get me to react.
@Lil_Firefly_25@xanga - I think what you said was wonderful. It does take a person that is willing to take on the job and being unsure if you are capable doesn't make you a bad person. What always bothers me (speaking as the mother of a child with a disability) are those people that tell me I am selfish for having my daughter. I don't judge others for their decision to not have a child like mine and would love to have the same respect in return.
You didn't offend me in anyway and I thank you for your honest answers.
People who "can't handle" a disabled child should seriously consider not having ANY children because there are no guarantees in life. Your "perfect" baby who is developing normally at 20 weeks can have a cord injury at birth and end up far more severely disabled than a child diagnosed wth Down's at 20 weeks. Or a child born "perfect" could get hit riding their bicycle at four years old and end up a parapalegic with traumatic brain injury and require extensive lifetime care That's what being a parent is, it is being prepared to do anything for your child no matter when it happens. If someone "can't handle" that then please do your future children a favor and don't get pregnant ever.
A good friend of mine just found out she is pregnant, but nearly 4 months along already, too late to abort. She is a wonderful woman, but has some pretty severe learning disabilities and her hubby is Autistic. For these reasons (and others including some severe birth defects in the family and Down's) they never planned on having any children. She is a full time nanny which fills her need for a baby. She called me very early and told me the news. They are not sure where the mix up was, and her hubby was supposed to be sterile.
Then she asked me for my social worker's phone number to set up an immediate closed adoption.Its not that she doesn't want the baby, but she knows herself that she cannot handle a child, disabled or not.
For me.. we've been hoping to conceive for 5 years, nothing could ever get me to give up my baby. Every life is precious, and every life deserves a chance. We have already decided to forgo any prenatal testing. God knows what He is doing.
I wouldn't WISH for disabled children, but if I do have one, I won't reject it. I'll give it all my love .
See, the thing about that is that someone who doesn't want a disabled child shouldn't have any children, really. Because the problem is that prenatal testing cannot catch everything. The results of the tests are sometimes flawed in the first place, but there is currently no prenatal test for autism, which affects 1 in 150 children (maybe more, due to some not being diagnosed for quite a long time). But all in all, you never know what will happen in life. Like @bubbelcat@xanga said, life is so unexpected. Things can happen in an instant. You may have the "perfect" child for three years and then your child comes down with a chronic condition, or has traumatic brain injury. You just never know, and if you aren't willing to care for a disabled child, you probably shouldn't even want kids at all.
thats sad someone would say that. you don't even know the love you'll have for a child or the love a child will have for you till you've been around or even raised a disabled child!
I work with children with disabilitities- and adults- and I know plenty of families who couldn't love them any more.
At the same time, I knew a twelve or thirteen-year-old girl who'd met her birth parents TWICE...