Friday, 04 September 2009

• Have You Seen My Patience?

   by Mama Bee 

  
  

  Since as far back as I can remember, I’ve never been one that had patience. Never. I blame some of it on my OCD and the rest on my parents. I can’t wait for things. They need to be done right away. I need to be in control.  I can’t hear you whine because it makes my ears bleed. I can’t wait for you for 20 minutes and still be smiling when you get here. I can’t stay on the phone on hold for longer than 30 seconds without wishing your penis or vagina would fall off. *PLOP*
  
  This scared me when I got pregnant. I was worried I wouldn’t be a good mother because of this imperfection. The ONE imperfection that I have. *wink*
  
  I was worried I would go crazy hearing a baby cry all night. I was worried I wouldn’t get to appointments on time. I worried about everything.
  
  With my sons, it seemed to come easier than I figured it would with my daughter. I had to work very hard not to get upset over some things but I did well. They were also not newborns that were going to take my perky breasts from a C to a B and also demand that I never sleep while I bend to their every whim.
  
  When she was born I swear the moment they pulled her out of me, they put patience in me. I was able to handle everything with ease. Her cry wasn’t sending me to the top of a building, threatening to jump if she didn’t shut up. In fact, I could still smile at her and wasn’t worried about the sound but more worried about what I could do to make her feel better so I could see that smile I love so much.
  
  When it comes to my kids, I’m so much better than I am with anyone else. If you saw me in the car san  s my babies, you would see where I have no patience at all. I scream and yell if you want to drive like an idiot. I call you ugly names when you cut me off while I honk my horn and show you my pretty ring that happens to make its home on my middle finger.
  
  When I go without sleep though, my ability to compose myself becomes a job. It’s like my patience tank goes from full on any other day to the empty light flashing at me absolutely pissing me off. I don’t function well without sleep. The last couple of nights, I’ve had no sleep. I find myself snapping at my mom when she calls me a million times a day which I shouldn’t because she ALWAYS calls a million times a day. I snap at my husband when he calls just to say "I love you" because as I went to grab the phone, I tripped on nothing and hurt my foot. It’s his fault he made my phone ring.
  
  I am blessed with a mom that is more than understanding who says sorry for calling though she shouldn’t have to. A mom that is coming tonight to catch me up on laundry while I eat the blizzard she’s bringing me and is taking my daughter home with her so I can sleep in tomorrow morning. I am also blessed with a husband who is understanding and instead of snapping at me for snapping at him...he sends me an edible arrangement delivered right to my door with an I love you balloon and card that says "Roses are red, the sky is blue. Snap at me all you want, I still love you"
  
  And then there’s my daughter. On our way home from her riding her horse, she started crying saying how tired she was. Though I was feeling the exact same way, I could do nothing but try my hardest to make her smile come back. My kids are always the ones to pull me from my funks. They are the ones to make me behave, the ones that force me to have patience, and the ones that keep me working on my patience with everyone.
  
  Do you find that it’s the same with you or the opposite?
  

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