Friday, 07 August 2009
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Kids talkin, funny as hell
I am sure that most of you, have listened to your children telling stories that were just hilarious. I figured i will share some of my son and hopefully you guys will join me and we can all laugh together.
Luke 3 years old in kindergarden. My jedi knight used to have this kinda "big" kindergarden teacher. He used to sit on her lap and put his head on her chest. At one point he got a new kindergarden teacher, she was skinny and there was no breast, nada. Luke observed her for about a week and eventually sat on her lap. He tried to cuddle up to her and put his head on her cheast but since she was so skinny there was nothing there so my son goes
Luke:" Excuse me ma´am, do you have two breasts too?"
Teacher:" Of course Luke."
Luke:" Well, would you mind bringing them along with you tomorrow?"
The kindergarden teacher told me this story after i picked him up and i have to say this is one of my fav stories but there are of course more.
Luke 4 years old wanted to have goldfish so being a mom, i went to the pet store and bought the fish and the tank. I had the fish in a glas bowl in the living room while i was in the kitchen getting the tank ready. Well, all of you know once you kids are silent there is something wrong and i couldn´t hear my jedi knight anymore, so i walked into the living room and there was my son having the fish on the coffee table and drying them off with a paper towel.
Mom:" LUUUUKKKKEEEEE, what are you doing?"
Luke:" Oh, nothing mom, i am drying off the fish, they were too wet."
Luke 7 years old in catholic religion classes at school. The teacher was talking to the kids about marriage and that you are supposed to get married before you can have kids. My son jumps off his chair and screams through the entire classroom.
Luke:" You are a liar so full of it, my mom had me without being married and since we are speaking about lies;how come the 10 commandements are in hebrew? Moses couldn´t speak or read hebrew he was raised in egypt, he could only speak and write egyptian.
Obviously, i was called into school and the teacher advised me to consider other religious classes than catholic since my son was very outspoken and critical in his views, lol.
So anybody out there that would like to share some stories??
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- From: skywalker
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Comments (13)
My little brother Alex... 5: "Knock knock!" teacher: "Who's there?" "Screw!" "Screw who?" "Screw you!" Another time, my whole family was in the van, and it was really quiet. All of a sudden, Alex wails, "Mawmaw called me a wooser!" -shakes head-
my niece, who is 20 months old, says "i cry" after she's done crying. and any animal says meow. haha
my son doesn't talk much, but when he says bye, he says "bahh", like how a hillbilly would say bye. lol
Oh sheesh... that "breast request"... too much!!
My older son (5 years old) informed me after school one day that we needed a baby girl because "we had too many boys". I told him that he would need to talk to daddy about that and that it would be a little difficult because daddy couldn't make babies any more - don't ask me what i was thinking. His response was to ask "well, can't you just eat some food and get a baby in your tummy?" This of course led to the discussion of what a uterus is. I then explained adoption and asked if that would be an alright way to have a baby girl in the family. Specifically, I asked if it was OK if another mommy had a baby for us to love. He then responds "yeah! Like Jadon's mommy!" Jadon is his best friend. Yep, he figured out surrogacy... *sigh*
Later he got a book about the insides of dinosaurs complete with plastic models of the various body systems. For whatever reason they authors decided to include a model of the reproductive sytem of a dinosaur. My son was sitting in the floor with his book when he called out to me. "mommy, mommy! Look it's a uterus! You have a uterus like a dinosaur!"
Lately he's been regaling me with descriptions of his future life. He's going to date a girl, kiss her, marry her, and then have two babies - one boy and one girl because "two boys is too many". He was going to marry a girl in his class named Katie but apparently "her mommy said she can't marry boys". I had to laugh at this one.
Aww cute stories.
@sinpescado@xanga - LOL that is so cute. Kids are adorable!
When my son was about 4, he woke up super early one morning and didn't come and wake me up. When I did wake up, I walked into his room expecting to see him laying in his bed sleeping like an angel. Instead I found him sitting on the floor holding onto our dogs collar drawing black stripes down the sides of her with one of those BIG permanenet magnum markers. He was nearly done with the second side when I asked him what he was doing. He replied very matter of factly:
"Momma, I wanted my Chiba to be a Seabra!"
I couldnt help but laugh. A few weeks later he peed in his closet because he was pretending it was an outhouse.
This is a story about my cousin's daughter, who is 5
my cousin wanted to keep the magic of santa alive for her as long as possible
and one day a boy in her class told her that his mom is santa claus
when her mom came to pick up her this is what happened
daughter : Mommm, tony said that HIS mom is santa claus!
mom: oh no...and what do you think about that?
daughter: I think it's stupid, because she doesn't even know where we live!
mom: you're right! she can't be santa claus then!!
I thought that was so cute =)
I used to work at the bookstore and we would do Character Story-time for kids one Saturday out of the month. Well, one of the girls I worked with, dressed up as Arthur one of those times. So there she is, mingling with kids, waving, hugging, the whole nine yards. Then one of the little boys (prolly five or so) runs up to her, gives her a huge hug, and then there is a very confused look on his face. He pulls away, looks at his mom and yells as loud as he can: "Mom!!!! Arthur has boobs!!!"
Needless to say, that girl stayed away from Arthur's costume from that day forth.
I don't have any. But man, that's hilarious. The last most especially.
my husband and i have 2 sons, a 7 year old and a 4 year old. we had two dogs (both males) for as long as either of our sons could remember. we had decided to get another dog, and my husband found a family that was trying to get rid of their dachsund puppy because it was "too much to handle" (eye rolls around, its ok...). anyway, our new puppy's name is daisy (a female). my children were playing with her when jake (my oldest son) points to her hind area and says "dad, what's that?" and despite my protests, my huband blurts out "that's her vagina." thus ensuing a long talk about the differences between boys and girls with my 4 year old.
then, just last week i was strapping my 4 year old into his carseat (it was just us, my other "boys" were off doing other things). it was 103 degrees outside and my car doesn't have air conditioning. i got into the front seat, rolled the windows down, turned the car on and started pulling the car out of the parking space, when my 4 year old pipes up from the back seat: "mom? i'm sweating my balls off. are you sweating your vagina off?" i tried not to laugh........
My little brother said to me one time, "I will not hit you anymore, but I can punch?" and he says it in the funniest tone. And one time, I'd had a very, very, very long bath and after that your hands go wrinkly and he said, "Your hands are ugly." (but pronounced it ugalee) "I like make ups and dress up, me want to be a girl. Can I be a him instead of a his?" Lol. There's more.. but I can't think right now. :/ There's definitely funnier ones but I just can't think..
@none - omg hahahahah thats wonderful.