Monday, 03 August 2009
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Parents, Protect Your Daughters
I am writing this post because as of late I have been reminded of the horrors that my childhood brought. I am seeing more and more teenage girls and pre-teen girls getting themselves into dangerous situations that will eventually ruin their entire lives. It's heart breaking to watch so many girls go through the things I did.
To begin with, I was abused my whole life. Abused mentally, and physically. My long thick hair was treated as a leash and my mom would throw me across the room by wrapping it around her hand. Her boyfriends molested me when I was as young as 3. My little sisters father molested me and abused me in other ways at the age of 5. She hated ME for it instead.
When I got older I found myself in situations that no 11 or 12 year old should be in. I made the choices out of being lonely to seek older guys in chatrooms, to have someone to talk to. I'm sure I freaked a lot of them out. It was dangerous. I gave one guy my phone number. To make a long story short...he turned out to be a murderer and is doing life in prison right now.
My mom was oblivious. She never noticed the things people did to try to hurt me. She didn't believe me when I told her that a big scary black guy came to our house when she was grocery shopping on July 3rd 2003. He tried to rape me, and would have, if my little sister wasn't there staring at him with her angry blue eyes. No one believed me when I said the boy next door (who was 19) convinced that black guy that I would put out.
I was 12, I didn't even have a full understanding of what all that meant.
She didn't know when I started self harming myself in 4th grade. She didn't know that I didn't eat for 2 weeks. She didn't even care. When she found out about my cutting habits in 8th grade, all she did was beat me and call me whore, and threatened to kill us all by driving into the lake. I was always terrified of driving over bridges or bodies of water because of that.
Parents, please, protect your daughters. I don't know how you should go about doing that, because I'm not a parent. I just know that I was hurt a lot as a young girl, because my parents didn't protect me. Because no one protected me. Love your daughters friends too, even if you don't like them. Because even though you don't, you may be the only motherly figure they get in their life. You could change their life by being the only one who cares.
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- From: cutesycharm@xanga
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Comments (55)
Wow. I'm sorry that you didn't get a childhood. I cannot even imagine.
I'm amazed that you have managed to turn your experiences into a lesson for other parents instead of hatred and apathy toward the world.
I think you're very brave for posting this.
<3
@rekindled_soul@xanga - Agreed.
My heart goes out to you. But, sons should not have been left out.
That hurt to read, but it's also refreshing in a way. It certainly opened my eyes a bit.
Most parents would do anything to protect your children, and I'm sorry that yours failed you. <3
at least you are smart enough now to make your life better instead of worse.
why didn't anyone call child services? all these were outright cries for help that no one heard? not one teacher, counselor, friend? no one? jeez the system failed again!
good for you to pick up and heal yourself.
You are very courageous and brave, and I don't even think I can imagine how you feel.
that is so scary and only having no one there for you is absolutely worse. i am sorry your mother failed you in so many ways.
I completely understand what you mean when you talk about going online into chatrooms just to talk to someone and ending up in worse situations. I fear very much for my daughter, because while my parents themselves weren't abusive or even particularly absent, I was raped and molested at a young age and again in my early teens and they never knew about it. I hope I can somehow do better with my daughter, even though I don't really blame my parents about what happened to me. The biggest thing is to be aware. Like, parents should notice when their children's behavior changes drastically and not just chalk it up to teenage angst but try and find out what is going on. Also, I never had any talks about people not allowed to touch certain parts or that I could tell my parents if something happened. That is a big thing, but not to overdo it since sometimes kids will make stuff up for attention, not knowing what they are actually saying. But yeah, I think if parents just really make the effort to talk to and get to know their kids, these sort of things can be avoided or at least dealt with properly. But parents like yours who enable the behavior are just terrible. I am terribly sorry that you went through so much with your mother enabling the behaviors. She is totally unfit to be a mother. I am sure you will be protective and loving when/ if you have any daughters of your own. I hope you are recieving help to cope with your past trauma; recovery is such a long and on-going process. *big hugs*
I am sorry you had no one to protect you.
thank you for this blog
very touching~
It makes me sad to hear that another young woman was treated so terribly. Just like how it makes me sad when I hear that my little sister is going through some of the same things I did at the same age with boys and dangerous decisions.
I think someone needs to do something to show girls how to get help...first by trying to talk to their moms (because believe me, I didn't know how) or where to seek help if that doesn't work/isn't an option. I know that if I would've known what to do/say at 12 or 14, I wouldn't have experienced the things I did at 17, etc.
sorry to hear this but it seems talking about it and telling others to be aware of this kind of stuff is a good sign. being able to admit a bad past is good. i can only hope your future is build on the foundations of love and peace. i really hope you will have joy in your new family.
did your mum ever has her own problems, too? like neglect, misuse of substances or drinking?
Damn, you're strong.
some parents just don't want to accept things like that
so they choose to act like it never happenedmy heart goes out to youI know what its like to not be believedits good that you can talk about it noweven though im sure its still hardim glad you posted thisyou're very strong, stay that wayI adore you, seriously. Parents should realize that not only do kids/teenagers need discipline, they actually do want it. Well, at least i do.
I'm so sorry you went through that, had no one to protect you, and didn't have a real childhood. No one should be going through that, but unfortunately, a lot of kids in the world are. I'm really disgusted with the parents that would treat their own children like that.
I really admire you for using your real experience to teach others a lesson in life. It's truly an admirable thing.
Sorry to hear, at least you seem intelligent and able to pull out of it. My wife had a pretty f*cked up child hood, similiar to yours, she didn't get her sh*t together until she was about 21, but she did, and that's what matters.
Good for you for coming out of that with a clear head. I'm also a rape survivor. I hope you got counseling, because that's what saved me.
Not to spoil the mood or anything, but I'm curious: why the emphasis on "big, scary, black" guy? Why not just "big scary guy"? Please don't take this as my trying to pick on you, it's just something I've noticed that people tend to do.
I'm sorry. This makes me so much more grateful for my parents and how protective they are
Thanks for making us aware of the current situation. It's very brave of you to come out and express your life through this problem.
You are beautiful.
Amen.
@LiberalArmyWife@xanga - Black men can be more frightening, because, as a stereotype, they are stronger than any other race of man. African-american men seem more intimidating especially if you are another race, not raised in a diverse environment.
I wouldn't pick on her. She was a 12 year old, most likely small, either white or asian girl. If a large man who happens to be a different race than her, MUCH stronger than her, burst up in her house, I'm surprised she didn't mention how she probably crapped herself right there. All these theories aside, the color of the man is just a tool for description. I trust she would have mentioned his race, regardless of what it was.
I'm so sorry you had to go through all that.Â
i completely understand how you felt and it was amazing of you to share this post..
I am so sorry to hear this :(
Although I can't relate to the abuse, this post was very inspirational!