Sunday, 02 August 2009

  • The Great Nursing Debate and My View


    image source

    So there was a blog posted asking if it's inappropriate to ask a woman to cover up when she's nursing in public.

    Naturally, it caught my attention and it was short. So I started to leave my two cents and realized it was rather long. Here is my view:     I don't think it's inappropriate to ask, but I do think it's rude. Just as I think it's rude to not cover yourself up to begin with.

    Would you really walk up to a woman who is showing a lot of skin/cleavage and ask them to go put clothes on? I know a lot of us would entertain the idea, but few of us would actually do it. Because it's equally rude, and if you were raised well enough to recognize it, you were raised with enough manners not to retaliate.

    I've had two kids, both of which I breastfed. I never felt comfortable just whipping it out in company or at dinner or anything, but that's just me- I'm modest. I think my husband would prefer if his friends didn't accidentally see his wife's goods, you know? It just makes things awkward and uncomfortable- people try to be respectful and give you privacy, but if you're in public that's kind of impossible.

    Then they try to avoid looking at you and it just gets way out of hand. Use a cute baby cover and then there are no accidents and no embarrassed friends.

    Asking that women cover themselves up is not the same as saying you can't brestfeed in public. No one is denying anyone's right to feed their child. But I think it's become a point of pride. I've seen women who will sit down on a park bench on a crowded sidewalk and nurse their kid so that basically everything but the nipple is hanging out (and then the kid unlatches...) and stare at people jogging past just daring them to come and say something. Really? Is that necessary?

    Yes, breastfeeding is a beautiful thing. It's a wonderful bond. It's very beneficial to the baby. But there is no reason to flaunt it like     that. It's those women who cause the dirty looks and insensitive comments that the rest of us get even when we are covered up.

    Bottom line: feed your child! But have enough courtesy to recognize that not everyone is as comfortable with your body as you are. And have enough class to not take offense to their modesty.

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Comments (57)

  • Loser_In_Me@xanga

    I think its natrual.


    Woman can walk around without a shit on in public, just like men can. Feeding babies is NORMAL AND NATRUAL.


    Whip it out ladies,


    <3
  • Anna_Banana_8605@xanga

    I'm totally okay with breastfeeding and plan on doing it when I have kids, however I think there are places it's not appropriate. I have a friend who whips out a boob at the table in a restaurant and breast feeds her baby. She has a small spit up rag she sort of covers up with but she usually has to life her shirt up to pull her breast out from underneath so it isn't just a nipple-slip but a full boob and most of her stomach. Everyone at the table always turns away but still lets her be part of the conversation, however I can't help but imagine if I was at another table I'd find this terribly offensive. If she was just at a friends house, I would totally be okay with it but I want to buy her one of those larger "poncho" like nursing capes as a present so she'll keep herself semi-hidden in public.
  • Btrfly_Wngs@xanga

    @Anna_Banana_8605@xanga - I'm kind of with you on that one. I'm also a fan of the nursing areas that a lot of the places around here have. 
  • AyshrenS@xanga

    I personally dont care if women breastfeed in public, but I do understand that there are some people that it makes uncomfortable..so I think women should cover themselves up if they choose to breastfeed in public. Respect is a two way street. (I breastfed in public when I had to, but always made sure I was very covered)
  • princess1505angel@xanga

    I agree with the OP.  I can't stand when people are inconsistent, as women sometimes are about this issue.  (ie. You must respect me and my child but I don't have to respect you because.....well, because you aren't exactly like me.)


    @AyshrenS@xanga - "Respect is a two way street."   Oh so very true.
  • averyswife@xanga

    Amen, amen, and amen!  No one should fault a woman for nursing in public BUT she should have the decency to cover up.  Any mom would be furious if bare breasts were shown on the Disney Channel for her 12-year-old boy to see but she whips it out on a park bench for another mom's 12-year-old boy to see??  I don't think so!  I don't care if you think breasts shouldn't be sexualized (and I disagree, they serve TWO purposes...feed the baby and keep the man happy!), I don't want my kids seeing your goods!
  • filtered_sunlight

    I don't care what other people do in public; it doesn't bother me one way or the other, but I always covered up when nursing in public. At home with company? Well, Megan hated/s being covered with a blanket (we've only nursed in public out of serious need), but you can nurse without a blanket and without the whole boob hanging out/holding the baby so that even after they've disengaged, their head is still blocking the view of your nipple. Stomach? Please. We all go to the beach. Women my age still wear mid-drift exposing shirts in public. If anyone's "offended" over that, that's their problem.

  • happygirl7798@xanga

    I do think you should cover up.  I am a pretty modest person and I am uncomfortable with my boobs hanging out there for anyone walking by to see.  I see nothing wrong with feeding your child in public but I don't think everything has to be out there and exposed.  
  • mamagoat

    You're not just asking women to cover up their breasts. You're asking them to cover their babies. It's hot for babies under those covers. Their heads cover most of the mother's breast anyway. Breastfeeding is the most natural way to feed a baby. Those covers are what's not natural. If you don't want to see, don't look. Get over it.
  • shondadiane@xanga

    I don't think it's wrong to breastfeed your baby in public....they gotta eat, they gotta eat...

    I was at a friends' house once, and she just stopped what she was doing and started nursing her little girl...it was awkward for the first few seconds...but it was such a beautiful thing...

    but, I do prefer if a woman covers up when she's out at a mall, at church, at dinner, etc...

    but I do understand that the baby can get hot under a cover...and we don't cover up when we eat our food...

    there are rooms in some malls and places where there is no need to cover up while feeding your baby...

    if you can feed the baby without showing much and without covering up, more power to ya...
  • babykittytara@xanga

    @Anna_Banana_8605@xanga - Doesn't she know about the nursing tank tops that they make specifically so women don't have to lift their entire shirt?
  • babykittytara@xanga

    Breastfeeding in public is a necessity sometimes.  If a woman's got half her shirt off and her whole tit hanging out, I can understand some people being uncomfortable.  But if she's being discreet about it (or as much so as you can be with your nipple out and a baby on it), I don't see a problem.  They make nursing bras that only open over the part the baby needs to latch on.  And any mother who breast feeds (in my opinion) should dress in a way that makes that easy to use without removing her shirt - tank tops, stretchy blouses, low cut sweaters, etc.  There's even the oh so wonderful nursing tank top, that flips down one shoulder side to reveal the nursing space for the baby.


    That's as covered as she should need to get.  Like people have already mentioned, the baby can get hot under a cover, and it's not fair to make her throw a blanket over herself.  If you're somewhere that you can be in private (even if that just means stepping into a bathroom), that's cover, and polite.  But sometimes, I know that's not an option.


    Places with smaller bathrooms can have lines, and you can't wait that long to feed your baby.  And you shouldn't have to walk out to your car or anything just to have some privacy.  If you've gotta feed at a restaurant table, or in a park or something, then do it.  Baby's needs come before the comfort of everyone around you.


    But you can still be considerate about other people's feelings about your breasts and be prepared - get a nursing bra and shirts that work with it so that you're minimalizing other people's discomfort.  If that's not possible, wear a tank top as an undershirt so that you can strip down to that when you feed - then you're not lifting your shirt so the baby can eat.
  • babykittytara@xanga

    @princess1505angel@xanga - I don't think it's so much of "I don't have to respect you" as it is "There's not much else I can do, so deal with it".  Throwing a blanket over yourself and the baby in winter is all well and good.  But doing it in the summer can make your baby get very warm, and that's not good.  Feeding time is supposed to be as relaxing as it can be, and if you're overheating your baby, it's not going to be relaxing.


    It comes down to how the mother feels about the comfort of others versus the comfort of her baby.  If throwing a blanket or a cover of some kind over herself will make her baby uncomfortable, some mothers won't do it.  There are always ways to make feeding as discreet as possible (see my above comment on nursing bras & nursing tanks).  But covering up entirely if you have to feed in public isn't always the best option.


    For me, the comfort of my baby comes first.  And although I'd be perfectly comfortable whipping my tit out to feed, I'm using nursing bras & such so that people don't have to see that.  But to be honest, that's as 'covered' as I'm going to get if I have to feed in public.  If there's a private space to go, I'll go there.  But if not, I'm not going to throw a blanket over myself and my baby just so other people have nothing to complain about.  It could make the baby uncomfortable, and I won't take that chance.
  • NotUeberMommy

    Because I have farely large boobs, I have personally never felt comfortable nursing in public. Even at friend's houses, I've always asked if I could use another room to have some privacy - not just because of the boob thing, but also because my son was easily distracted while nursing.


    Having said that, I think it's a little insensitive to say "I think it's rude to not cover yourself up to begin with." You see, I have never gotten the hang of just whipping out a nipple to nurse - it was the entire boob or nothing - and some babies need to feel the skin, not fabric, in order to nurse well. Also, when you cover your boob, doesn't that also mean you are covering baby's head? My son was never a fan of that - he would start turning his head to see what we covering the back of his skull while nursing (ouch!). I think you have to realize that sometimes women who nurse have no choice but to whip out the whole boob... so the only alternative would be to stay at home 24/7 for at least the first few months of their child's life. Is that really a demand you want to make?


    @babykittytara@xanga - Amen!


    Perhaps it would be good if more restaurants and large stores offered quiet areas where women can nurse their babies and not be disturbed... I know IKEA has these areas in their restaurant. Who is next?
  • mamaseahorse

    i have to say, I understand where you are coming from, HOWEVER... I also understand the "militant" nursers who whip it all out and dare someone to comment.  My BFF (the doula) can be such the militant, but isn't always.  I tended to be (with all three of my boys, extended nursing until the age of 2) more discreet, not using those cover-ups (damn things always slipped off or got in the way!) but using either my own clothing or my beloved Maya Wrap Sling as a cover.  MANY times, I'd be mid-conversation with someone and they'd exclaim, "Wait, are you breastfeeding right now?!  I didn't even notice that you started!"  When the mother keeps the attitude that its normal and natural, it puts more people around her at ease too.


    BUT, then there are the rude people.  And even I had them, being a modest nurser.  In restaurants, they glare or comment, and you know what?  That pushes me right to the militant side.  Because these saddlebags here were MADE for nursing, not for men's pleasure.  That's just a bonus.  So when our over-sexed society stops seeing them that way, we might make some headway in this issue.


    Until then, I say, do what you're comfortable with.  I was more modest, but if you don't care, then let it hang out!  I make it a point to congratulate women I see nursing in public.  I go out of my way.  Go you!  And if your boob needs some air while baby nurses, hey, go for it!  It's your choice, not mine.
  • christygraves@xanga
    I find it interesting that different areas of the country have different views on this.  When I was living in NY, no one seemed to mind breastfeeding in public at all.  In fact, I felt like I got stranger looks when I got out a bottle for my baby!  Once when I was at a bridal shower, I started to cover up and was told that I could just sit there and nurse - no one cared!
    On the other hand, my parents live in a small midwestern town, and I always left the room while breastfeeding around family.  People seemed to be uncomfortable with it there.
    I have friends in Oregon and Boston who say nursing in public (uncovered) is not frowned upon.  And since moving to east Texas, I can't imagine not covering up while nursing.
  • MissPixieGlitter@xanga

    i mostly agree with the OP.
  • CMWINK@xanga

    yeah I agree...
  • ThA_sLo_1@xanga

    Those baby tents are so ridiculous looking. I saw an advertisement and it was like, a tent you put around your body just so people don't see your goods. I know their are immature people in the world, but really, I don't think it should be a big deal if women breastfeed in public without some silly looking baby tent. I can understand children might give strange looks, but those are understandable, grown people that do are just immature. Every grown person knows that women have boobs, and feed their babies with them, I'm sure most grown people have seen a boob in their life, so why stare upon the lady who has one of hers out in the park giving her child some lunch. Common people. Maturity. 
  • skullzNcupcakes@xanga

    I agree with ALMOST everything in the OP.  I don't think it's rude to ask someone to cover up while they're breast feeding, just like I don't think it's rude to ask someone who's half naked to cover up.  That's just my personal opinion though.  Some people do find that rude, I understand, I just don't agree.


    Everything else in the post, I completely agree with.  There is NOTHING wrong with breast feeding, even in public, but please, cover up.  As @averyswife@xanga mentioned, you wouldn't want you kid seeing a breast on Disney Channel, so why would someone else want their child to see your breast while you're breast feeding your child?
  • Brilliant_Innocence@xanga

    I don't see a problem with a woman breastfeeding in public without a cover.  I very much support that.  If you want to use a cover, go for it. Knock yourself out.  There are so many awful, raunchy things out there for my child to see, a breastfeeding mother is about the most innocent thing they could see out there.  I don't even see why one would compare the two!


    I understand that other people are "uncomfortable" or "disgusted" by it, but who's putting the gun to their head forcing them to watch? No one.  But, that's just my opinion...
  • xchinkylaydee@xanga

    great post!
  • MommaSather@xanga

    I am pregnant with baby #2 and plan to breastfeed.  I covered up with the first child and am in the process of making  a frog cover-up for feeding this one.  MODESTY is key.  I really don't want my husband's friends seeing my breasts either... especially since they are the type where I will never hear the end of it... the kids will be 20 and I will still be hearing about it... I think when I was breastfeeding at the mall once, my cover slipped with my daughter... I was horrified.  My Sister in law tried to pat me on the back while at the same time grabbed my cover for me.


    I am so glad now that a lot of family bathrooms in malls contain a 'feeding room'!


    Bottom Line:  I love you for posting this~!!!!!



    Amberley
  • hatcherbee@xanga

    I know the post you are talking about and I did comment.. though I had much more to say, not to the OP but to some of the comments that were made over there. I myself wrote a post about this subject that ended up getting featured and some people made the most insane comments I couldn't even respond. Comments like "that's what bottles are for" or "that's why they invented pumps". Breastfeeding is so taboo in this country that people don't even know that sometimes those things can't even be done! My younger two children would never take a bottle, even though I could have pumped enough milk for 10 kids (heavy overactive letdown) and always had about 100 ounces or so frozen.. they wouldnt' touch it unless it was straight from the tap! And nursing covers or blankets? My daughter would rip them right off.. sometimes she would even lift my shirt! You just never know what is going to happen! And I've never even seen a nursing room/area where I live! I personally use nursing tanks under my shirt whenever I go out and am very discreet. You would have to be resting your chin on my childs head to even see a sliver of skin! Yet I've had looks and glares.. once at the park another mom just up and walked away from me - mid-sentence.


    I could care less how women nurse in public and I really don't think anyone should say anything. Yes, I know there are women out there that 'whip it out' and give everyone a show to make some kind of militant breastfeeder point.. but that is not the norm. This should not even be an issue.. it should be commonplace to see women nursing their children wherever they happen to be and no one should even think twice about it. If the stigmata wasn't there, no one would be trying to make that militant point.
  • michel2e@xanga

    i totally agree with u!! breast-feeding is good to ya babies, but sometimes it's really embarrassing to feed ya baby in the public~ if i m feeding my baby, i will definitely do it in private!! =]

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