From the time he was 2 years old, I started noticing that my godson was different from other little boys. Whenever he goes to the mall with his mom, he would always ask for jewelry. Necklaces, earrings, shiny pendants were some of the things he asked for. His mom would sometimes get it for him and he would run around the mall with a purple pin on his shirt.
As he got older, he wanted dolls instead of action figures and to this day he still carries around a doll of Sally from The Nightmare Before Christmas.
Right now, he has a fascination with The Little Mermaid and wants to watch clips of the movie on Youtube and sings along. He also pulls the side of his tank top down and does a sexy girl dance. We took him to the musical in New York and after the show he wanted to buy a red wig as a souvenir but his parents settled on getting him a dinglehopper instead (a fork for those who haven't seen the movie).
At first, I was a little concerned and I thought it was a phase that he was going through but he's turning 7 in January and he's still the same. Did I mention his favorite color is pink? He also loves watching the show America's Next Top Model and says that he "likes watching Miss J on the show because Miss J is a boy who wants to be a girl and sometimes wears high heels and wears girl clothes."
I've grown to accept that it is who he is and I don't try to change him as I don't want him to feel bad about himself for liking certain things or acting a certain way. His mother also realizes this and loves him the way he is. At this age, he's loving school and gets along with the children at his school and has a lot of friends. I love him a lot and the only thing that worries me now is how the world will treat him when he gets older. The world isn't kind to those who are different.
Do you think he'd have a hard time when he gets older? How would you react if your son wanted to be a girl?
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If he can't disguise himself as a chick that well, it will be harder when he's (she's, actually) older. But the she is the true self, not the anatomy, leave her be.
I have several transgendered friends. They're all great people and most of them you could pass on the street and never even think twice about her being, well, a "her". It's a part of them...what're you going to do? Stop loving them? Honestly...
I would be worried for the world, too. That's so great that he's surrounded by people that love him and support him no matter what. Most kids don't have that. It's funny, if this were a little girl who liked trucks and mud puddles, it wouldn't be unsettling at all. Just cute. I hate how boys are "molded" at such a young age and hats off to those who have to raise them.
Anyway, If he were my son, I admit, I would be disappointed. Not in him, but in the confusion of it all. Having to explain to him why people are saying/doing/behaving strangely toward him. Having an actual gay son* would be more desirable to me than a gender "confused" or middlesex one. I like to know.
*I don't find anything wrong with having a gay son.
my mom's little brother was obsessed w/ the little mermaid and carried around a doll of her for the longest time. his twin sister was a total tomboy. it was kinda funny, like they switched or something.
he's just an average teen guy now, and his sister is your average teenage girl. i guess you outgrow some things.
idk if i would want my kid watching AMNTM. isn't that kinda sending the wrong message to young girls (and apparently boys) about their weight, etc.?
@filtered_sunlight - When did your trans friends decided to make their transitions? Making the decision as an adult, I imagine, would be more comforting than if one were a child. Nobody listens to children. They're always being told "it's a phase" or "when you grow up". It's understandable, still probably very invalidating. How many of your friends knew at a young age that they were possibly born in the wrong body?
@LiberalArmyWife@xanga - Most, if not all, knew from very young (before they were even capable understanding their thoughts or feelings, really). All but one has transitioned/is transitioning in their mid-to-late-twenties. One woman is older (late 40's)...as a "he", he married a woman, had children, and tried to just ignore it and hoped it would go away; it didn't.
My younger cousin, nick, is the exact same way. He is now going into the 7th grade. As a 6/7 year-old, he use to wear his mother's high heels and dresses, & did pay attention to more 'girly' things. The heels lightened up as he got older. Today, he wears his mom's flip flops around. I will say he isn't the most popular boy in school and he does constantly get teased. It doesn't help that my family is 90% girls. He has maybe 2/3 older guy cousins, but they are real guys. My family is waiting for the day when he tells us. The younger girls (ages 7-13) tease him constantly, "why are you so gaaay?!" "why are you playing with our dolls?" "why are you singing hannah montana?" They do speak of his 'gayness' behind his back. I remember about 2 years ago, i was babysitting my little cousins when a jesse mccartney music video appeared on disney. One of the oldest girls stated 'he is so cute' and he said, "your not the only one. ;)" ..Then again, he's just annoying in general. I know he's teased for his annoyance. Sadly, he is a bit overweight. He's teased for many things. No doubt, my cousin and your godson will have a hard time, but i mean they will be accepted. Although my little cousin is constantly teased, we do accept him, my whole family. It's hard to say if the people their put with, like in school, will accept them but there will always be people who will accept them and who will not accept them. I'm only 16 and in high school, they're many different sexual orientations. There is no problem. Everyone has no problem with eachother's sexual orientations. Just teach him to stand his ground. People never matter. I always say 'leave the situation a mess, but don't leave yourself a mess.' Everything will be okay.
I have a friend who has been like that all his life. He is now 38 yrs old and is as happy as anyone else i know. Maybe even happier than most. He will have a hard life though, as people are curel and judgemental, but as long as he knows his family accepts him as he is, then he shouldbe fine. Also he will find people out inthe world who are the same andhave been through much the same experiences as he will be.
My oldest son is the same way and I know he is most likely gay or at the least bi. What worries me, is he decided last yr to move with his father and his father is not acceptingof any man who is gay or bi. So I fear for his safety now that he lives with his father. but I can not change that situation, all i can do is support him when he needs and to let him know that I lvoe him no matter whohe is and encourge him to be hisself and to be proud of it.
All people have a right to be who they are and most of us dont ever get to live out who we are for fear of what others think. I believe people who ge to be themselve are stringer for it and a better person in the long run for it.
My advice would be to support him and to make sure he knows you accept him and always will no matter what. He will need it as he gets older and the situations change and more kids his age realize how he is.
Illyria
Apparently my husband liked to dress up in his mom's clothes and wear her perfume, so his family sort of wondered about him, but he grew up to be a perfectly normal guy.
it's a challenge, but you're never handed anything in life that you won't be able to overcome.
this is proof that some people are born with this 'defect' just like add, adhd, or bipolar. does he seem to have crushes on boys or is it too early to tell?
i would just be there for him as much as you can. get educated on the subject and mindset. please, please, don't neglect him.
the world might not be kind to him, but what's important is that his family is kind and understanding.
If he's a girl born in a boy's body, I would make a concerted effort to support him in every way possible from a very early age. His life will be rough, and he'll need someone to fall back on.
Well, first of all, he's seven. He's not 15. So this could just be his way of exploration. Sure, some kids turn out to be gay or transgendered, and we don't know that he's NOT going to be that way, but pink being his favorite color and playing with dolls doesn't mean he IS going to be gay.
are you sure he really gets lots of friends at school? i mean boys like him most likely are bullied at schools. children are cruel in this age and day, seriously.
anyway, i appreciate you guys love him the way he is. ^^
I was the same at his age. Till the age of 13 I wanted to be a boy. I wasnt just a tomboy, I seriously actually wanted to be male, to the point I was considering having a sex change once I was 18. It wasnt so bad for me at school because boyish girls always seem to be more easily accepted then girlish boys. But it was hard, because I was so confused about who I was. However I had wonderfully supportive parents and that made it easier to deal with. But then when I was 13, something just changed and I gradually stopped wanting to be a boy. I am now in fact one of the girliest girls you will ever meet. I dont know what it was that made me change, it certainly wasnt pressure to be more girly... my theory that it was puberty... the influx of hormones. I have no idea. Either way, I 'grew out it'. Some do and some don't, there is no way of knowing. It will be difficult for him, as he gets older he will be judged and teased by people. There is no way of stopping that. But he has supportive parents and a supportive godparent, and that will help enormously. He sounds fairly confident at the moment and that will make all the difference when he reaches teenagehood and people start getting more judgemental about him. So thats all you can really do, love and support him and let him know that should anyone get mean about who he is that he can always talk to you.
Honestly not sure how I would react if it were my kid. My nephew was raised primarily by 4 women until he was 4. His mom (my sister), me, my mom and my other sister. He was fascinated by how we got ready for the day. He would watch me and my sisters do our makeup and hair, and asked about our clothes and shoes. By the time he was 3.5 he knew how to do eyeliner with a crayola marker. same with lip liner which blows my mind cause none of us wear that. But I never discouraged him. Actually I got into trouble for encouraging him. I would put lip gloss on him after he brushed his teeth, or put a little blush on his cheeks.
Of course now hes a typical 6 year old bratty boy.
As for your god son....Im sure to him it all seems completely natural. Its going to be hard for him until he reaches highschool and his friends start to think for themselves instead of just regurgitating all the hate and intolerance they are taught by their uptight suburban parents. Be as supportive as you can as he gets older and starts to figure out why he feels like he does. Always let him know you love him, no matter what and that youll always be there for him. He sounds like a sweet kid.
My sister used to be my brother.
She made the change as an adult, which is of course much different. She was aware and expected that not everyone was going to be accepting of her transition, but I think the hardest part for her was that some of our family didn't deal with it very well. The love and support of family will be the very most important thing for your godson, and it sounds like he has got plenty of it.
It is hard growing up as a person who is going to be looked down upon or discriminated against by some people, but that does not mean that he won't be a happy and well adjusted person. Just try to help him have the esteem and confidence to realize that if people have a problem with him then it is their problem, not his, and that he never needs to define himself on anyone else's terms.
That being said, it is starting to look like various gender conditions might be the new norm. The percentage of babies born with undescended testicles and other genital irregularities is dramatically on the rise. This is showing up in other species too, not just humans... so who knows, maybe your godson will actually just fit right in with his generation.
you're right when you say the world doesn't react well to people who are different.. believe me, i know... of course life is going to get harder for him as he grows older... but still... he will most deffinitely find people who will accept him for who he is and will be truer friends than any "normal" person could ever have... life may be hard for someone like him, but at least he has people that support him and so on... he deserves it i'm sure...
Just makes sure that he feels loved. Yes, his life will be harder, but if he has a network of people who love him, he will be okay. Trust that he'll grow to be strong enough to deal with it.
Now I'm only 17, but if I had a son or daughter that came up to me and told me they wanted to be the opposite gender. I'd give them a hug, reassuring I still love them.
I grew up in family condemning gays, lesbians, transgendered people. But I met my gay friend in 9th grade and he changed my views on gays/lesbians/transgendered. They are everyday people, but have different interests then you.
If my child came out to be gay, I'd reassure them I would still love them, no matter what. And that, if they need support, I'd offer it. It would be hard for him as he gets older. He might even lose a few friends because the parents might not accept it (the friends' parents).
But make sure you offer your full support. And love him, many people like him are killed because of hate crimes. Reassure him that you love him.
when i was in the military, my ex-husband's (at the time he was my husband) friend was wanting to become a female. i was raised in a christian house and the whole "homosexuality is sin." I do believe that, but I also believe that what a person does is between them and God. So,...that's my viewpoint on that part of the topic. NEWHO, I have never met someone who wanted to change sexes, but he was the sweetest guy. he was in the military as well at the time, and was going to the psychologist on base to discuss his feelings about this, etc. i was stationed in Germany and remember how he'd go off base to a clinic to get his hairs zapped. (i forget the term to remove the hair permanently. the ones on his chest, his facial hair, etc)
he was actually married to a girl at the time. she was bi, and she didn't mind him wanting to become a woman. however, their marriage didn't last long due to her cheating on him. he finally separated from the military and when he got back to the states went to a specialist and started taking hormones. i remember he had a livejournal and i was reading about his progress. well, now he is a she (i haven't heard from her in a few years, so i don't know if she got the sex change or not). last i heard, her name is legally now Shannon. She is dating a man and I think he knows that she's trans (although i'm not sure again if she did get the actual sex change). shannon really opened my eyes on this situation. i'm sad that i lost touch with her and hope that she is doing well.
i'm sure that there will be ridicule and hate, but if they can surround themselves with loving family members and friends, hopefully it won't be as painful.
i actually have a son who is 3 and 1/2. if he told me that he wanted to be a girl or that he was gay, i would let him know that although i may not agree with his thinking, it doesn't mean that i love him any less. it's pointless to shun a family member based on their views/beliefs for the majority of their life when we never know how much longer we're gonna be on this earth.
I would feel the same way I would feel if my child was gay - I would be heartbroken because their lives are going to be that much more complicated. Of course, that's the same way I would feel if my teenage daughter became pregnant or if my child decided not to attend college. If I've done my job as a parent, my child should be mature and responsible enough to make those conclusions on their own. If they were gay or transgendered or a teen parent or a burger flipper forever, I'll be sad because they are going to experience judgement from other people and potentially have a harder life because of those choices, but they are still my kid. I still love them and support them unconditionally.
I would soo, be his friend, the girls now adays, actually enjoy boys who show they're feminine side. So, why not. I can see your concern but you have got little to worry about, you might have some famous kid someday. He might be a rockstar, he might be a hobo, he might even be america's next top male model! You've learned, that you just have to accept him for who he is, feminine or not!
@mansamansamansasasa@xanga - I had the EXACT same experience that you did......I want SO badly as a child (girl) to have a sex change operation, and that was back in the mid to late sixties. I don't know how I could have known about such things.
But, as you say, i'm so glad now that I'm a woman. Wouldn't change it for the world! I'm not a girlie girl, but could be and can be if I want. But I like running (jogging), wearing jeans and keds, driving my Jeep Wrangler, but I do like to look pretty, sexy and all the other stuff that comes with being a woman.
Very weird how that happens. What I wonder is, what happens to the boys who want to be girls if they are not allowed to just "play it out". It's harder for them, and I wonder if they would just change like we did....poof!
I do have to admit that I was boy crazy from the day I was born.....almost literally. My mom found me and my "boyfriend" kissing on the swings at the park when I was in kindergarten. The boys gave me jewlery, I had crushes. But, I wanted to play Army, run, jump, fight (loved fighting), climbing trees, wearing pants (could NEVER get me in a dress till I was WAY out of college). I still don't quite understand it.....