I hate it when this happens!So we we're out to dinner the other day after a looong hard day of shopping. In Brooklyn, there's streets full of restaurants, so we parked the car, and just walked until we found one we wanted to try.
By this time, we had been away from home about 8 hours so my hubby and I both knew a sit down dinner was a stretch for our almost 2 year old.
We sit down at the Italian Bistro. We order appetizers and drinks. They bring her favorite out... bread & butter. That keeps her quiet. Mama likes, mama likes.
It wasn't long before she was squirming to get out of the high chair.
"Where's your baby doll? Is she sleeping at home?" I tried so hard to distract her from the urge to whine.
She whines and strains her face, and that's when I get nervous. C'mon moms, you know you do too!
There's nothing worse than being in the restaurant and having some snot nosed kid screaming in the middle of your pasta, and now that snot nosed kid is mine!
Then she let out a loud shriek. And everyone stops eating and looks directly at me. My face feels red, and I'm so embarrassed!
I know I shouldn't be, she is just a baby.
My hubby and I both try everything to calm her down, giving her more bread while she waits for her spaghetti, pulling out the crayons, and even taking her out of the high chair to sit her on Daddy's lap.
She was still crying. Ugh. And people were
still watching. Didn't their parent teach them that it's rude to stare?
So I picked her up, walked outside and set her down on a bench. I knelt down beside her and told her she needed to be quiet inside because people were eating. She still cried,
louder. So I did what my mom used to do to me. Yea, that's right. I pinched her.
That shut her right up. Why don't I do this more often?
Don't call Social Services on me!
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Comments (160)
Haha this cracks me up. All my husband does it tells my daughter he is going to pinch her. I think he did it once and now when he says it she just reacts like he already did it. It is the funniest thing. Unfortunatley it doesn't work for me.
Pinching her worked to shut her up? What did you do pinch her mouth shut?
Seems like pinching a child would make them cry even more.... I personally am against pinching, or hittin or slapping or spanking, for me a quiet meal is just not worth it. If I a child I am caring for loses it in public I generally just try to get them to an area that they can have their meltdown in private. Like you said you already knew you were asking too much of her to sit quietly after a long day away from home.
I think it was a fine solution.
It would be similar to a deserved swat on the fanny, only not so obvious to anyone who happens to see. I was a very well behaved child in public and so were my children. No one was ever abused in any way but it was very clear what was expected and what the consequences were if a child decided to draw attention to themselves by misbehaving. It's simply not acceptable and much more fun for everyone to enjoy the meal or whatever outing it is and not "act up".
It is important though that any such discipline is carried out in private. It's not about embarrassment, it's about taking control of your child's behavior. It's no one else's business. Once the discipline is over, let the child know why it was needed, you love them, give a hug and let's go back and finish our meal/activity or whatever...and start over fresh.
If the crying/whining/misbehaving continues regardless...go home. We do not have the right to hinder other patrons enjoyment of their outing by keeping a fussy child there. Get your food to go.
I'm sorry, but this is absolutely horrendous behavior on your part. First off, why take your child to a restaurant after a long day? It's just asking for trouble. It's definitely not the child's fault for whining and crying...it's the parent's fault for not being able to give that child a nap. You should have ordered your meal to-go and headed home to eat while your child either took a nap or got ready for bed.
Shame on you for expecting your child to behave under these circumstances. Oh yeah, and i'm sure pinching her really did the trick. I'm sure she screamed even louder and then was too terrified after that to make a peep. Here's the thing....if your child starts to scream and/or cry, take them outside IMMEDIATELY. Why wait and try to calm her down....there's a reason those people were staring and it was a good reason at that! You went to that restaurant knowing darn well your child was tired, yet you decided eating out was more important and didn't care that you were ruining other people's meals.
It's just plain selfish if you ask me. I have a 6 month old and we have taken her out to eat TWICE in her entire life. Both times she was an angel, but if she were to cry, we would get up and leave immediately and take our food home with us. I definitely wouldn't call social services on you, but i can't wait for the moment when she looks at you and pinches you back. Then what are you going to do???
A couple months ago we had our 3 year old and at the time 5 month old out at an Indian restaurant- real nice place- both boys got restless and cranky- so we asked our food to go. Problem solved. Try that next time maybe :)
@Blogging_Friends@xanga - I like you.
Oh please. Anyone who considers pinching, slapping, flicking, etc abusive behavior, is out of their gourd. We are breeding a generation of children who's every need is catered too, and who grow up never learning consequences for their actions. They are going to make very... interesting... adults. I babysit a lot of children, and they all have one thing in common: they get what they want, when they want it. And they are never, EVER asked to do something that they don't want to do. It's ridiculous! If your parents want to eat dinner, you learn to sit and behave yourself.
A little pinch is surprising more than anything, it is a perfectly acceptable little punishment. I was spanked, flicked (by my dad, he still does it if I'm annoying him hahaha), had my mouth washed out with soap. And I turned out perfectly fine. And you better believe I was a good kid in restaurants! :)@ShamrockLover@xanga - So what if they were hours away from home? I've lived in places where the closest shopping is three hours away. Maybe they wanted to get some food into the child before a long drive back home. Yes, getting the food to go might have been good, but some people think (rightly so) that eating while driving is dangerous. Now, let's weigh our options.
One: Take the child home, which will be a several hour trip, and have her scream the whole way because she is tired and hungry.
Two: Endanger the child, because papa (or mama) is eating while driving.
Three: Give her a little pinch.
Gee, I know which I would choose.
Children need to learn to behave themselves in public, even if they are uncomfortable. It was a pinch. I'll bet there wasn't a mark of any kind. Just a little surprise. It's not like mama beat her, or even smacked the child. I highly doubt she will be scarred for the rest of her life from a pinch that would leave less of an impression than stubbing her toe.
@ShamrockLover@xanga - Do not agree with you at all. sorry you think haveing a child means you can not go out. i have 4 and I take them to the store by myself, and out to eat. They behave because that is what I expect of them. Hope you don't suffer from PPD cause that will cause it staying in so much. O and who are you to judge yours is 6 months old.
@jemaigrirai@xanga - I agree with you.
@xtraaaa@xanga - second. and my dad still flicks me whenever I'm home, haha!
@jemaigrirai@xanga - I really have no problem with the pinch. I do however have a problem with going to a nice restaurant while the child is tired and whiny. If they're 3 hours away, go to McDonald's. I never suggested eating while driving or driving home while the child is hungry.
@opster25 - I never said having a child means you cannot go out. I do think a child needs to have certain expectations of behavior in a restaurant, but don't set the child up for failure if they're tired. They can't be expected to do much being tired at that age. And just because i have a 6 month old, doesn't mean i'm not entitled to my own opinion. It's an opinion, not a judgment. You don't know me.
I hope you don't get a lot of hatemail over this.
I think we all know a good pinch doesn't have to break the skin or leave a mark... all my mom had to do when I was small was give me THE look or just grab ahold of my arm and do the look simultaneously and I knew to stop it or else.
@ShamrockLover@xanga - i agree with you. If you know going into a situation that its not a good idea, why even do it? yes, you can go out when you have children. but they had been away from home for 8 hours and sometimes you have to make a sacrifice and not go to a restuarant to eat under those circumstances. the child was acting that way because thats how she knew to express herself. I wouldnt pinch an adult because they werent expressing their feelings in a way I liked.
I dont know. I find this situation frustrating myself.
@ShamrockLover@xanga - You know, as we go about our daily lives, it would be WONDERFUL if we could be perfect, but we're not. If we all had the foresight to think ahead and plan perfectly in every single situation, the world would be absolutely wonderful and we would never have any problems, but we know that sometimes we simply DON"T think ahead and DON"T plan and life comes at us and that's when we have to deal with it. I'm sure she didn't go into the situation thinking "man, I'm going to set up a situation on purpose that I know will frustrate my daughter." It was more like, we're hungry, we're out, here are a lot of restaurants, our daughter is behaving quite nicely right now, why don't we give it a shot? People take chances and risks every single day. Sometimes they work out, sometimes they don't. I wouldn't believe you if you told me that you've never crossed your fingers, held your breathe, and hoped that something would go the right way, knowing in part that there was a chance that it might not. Taking these chances is just a part of life. So yes, maybe they shouldn't have gone out to eat, but they did, they took a chance, and that's when the difficult situation presented itself. Once a difficult situation occurs, you just have to deal with it. Sounds like they got on top of dealing with their daughter's tantrum immediately, did the right thing in taking her outside, and whether the pinch was right or wrong, it worked, it got her attention, it stopped her from working herself into an even bigger tantrum (which is where she seemed to be headed) and I doubt it had any lasting negative effect. Sounds like they were even able to finish their meal.
I know that a day will come, if it hasn't already, where you too will find yourself somewhere with an overtired toddler. You'll have taken a gamble and lost. Maybe you'll be at the super market, hoping to run a few final errands before heading home for nap time, knowing full well you're pushing the envelope. Or maybe you'll be at a restaurant. Maybe your child will have been fine for two weeks in a row at that time of the day only to choose this day to randomly explode. And looking back on it later, you'll probably be able to say to yourself "oh, I fed him/her too late or "that's right, they didn't take a very long nap this morning." And you'll realize you were more or less asking for it to happen. But at the time, you didn't even think about it. You didn't realize it would happen. In short, you weren't perfect. And you'll do the best you can. And some woman with a sweet little baby will approach you and begin to lecture you on your failures as a parent. And then maybe you'll understand that not everything can be prevented. Not in real life. Not with real people, making real mistakes. And you'll shake your head and just wait for this other woman's baby to become a toddler. And then she won't know everything either.
@xtraaaa@xanga - I'm so with you! Too many parents are just catering to their children, giving them everything and not expecting decent behavior in return.
My girls are one and three. Today they spent eight hours cooped up in the car and did not complain or cry once. When we stopped, they got to get out for a whole thirty minutes before being bundled off to a restaurant for dinner. When they started to get overly active to the point that I was afraid they would bother other people, I would pull them to me and tell them in a low, firm tone that what they were doing was entirely unacceptable and if they did not stop, they would be punished. That is what we do NO MATTER WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES. And yeah, I have swatted my child. I've also put them in time out in public places (although out of the flow of the general population) and I've been known to grab them by their shirts/hair/arm/etc to get them to stop when they are walking away from me without paying attention. I don't aim to hurt my children. It's a matter of getting their attention. Expecting your child to behave, even after a long day, is NOT too much to ask of a two year old! An infant, yes. A two year old, no.
More power to you for getting your child's attention and making her behave but I personally feel like you should have done something about it the moment the whining started. It is never acceptable to be a jerk just because you're having a rough time of it and the earlier children learn this, the better off we all are.
@ShamrockLover@xanga - Also, you can't claim it's merely an opinion and not a judgement when you literally use the words "shame on you," tell the person they are selfish, their behavior is horrendous, and that their daughter will grow up to pinch them back. You came at her with extreme criticism and drew some pretty strong, unwarranted conclusions about what you felt she was and was not doing, what her intentions were and should have been, and what you feel she is as a person because of her actions (i.e. selfish, horrendous, worthy of shame). That is the definition of judgment right there.
@jesusmoshes2@xanga with regards to the comment by @ShamrockLover@xanga - - You gave the exact response I wish I had been eloquent enough to give. That comment made me so angry but your response to it is perfect.
The fact is, we're all doing the best we can. This child is not going to be scarred for life from this incident. Kids are far more intelligent and far more resilient and far more capable than we tend to give them credit for.
@Nina1981@xanga - I wish more people had this kind of common sense
Out of 5 children I had one who was not always the best behaved in a restaurant. Not a monster, but he just had a hard time sitting still. At the first sign of restlessness, I would leave the table with him, walk him around outside, or take him to the restaurant and have him dance to the music playing or to jumping jacks or something. Then we would go back to the table and he would be fine for a while, sometimes til the food came. At the first sign of crying, he was always picked up and take out. Sometimes we would return, and sometimes not! He is our youngest and now 7, although he can still be antsy, he is very well behaved in any restaurant or other situation. We were at a wedding once and the dinner was very (and I mean very late!) He sat at the table making conversation with the adult next to him (he was the only child at the table) and ate his dinner without a fuss, but almost falling asleep in it! (he was 6 at the time). I don't know about the pinching part, we do spank on the bottom only, no swatting in the head, pulling hair or pinching or anything of the kind. I find it amazing that she stopped crying after being pinched though. I really think you should have removed her from the restaurant as soon as she started crying though. Other diners don't pay to go out to eat and hear a child screaming.
So let me get this straight...you dragged an already overtired, overstimulated and probably hungry toddler to a bistro where she was expected to sit still and be quiet so the adults could have the meal they wanted? You set your child up to fail and then you punished HER for failing? Shame on you. This is the most self centered thing I have read in a long time.
@xtraaaa@xanga - We are breeding a generation of children
who's every need is catered too, and who grow up never learning
consequences for their actions.
It's funny you should post this particular comment because this describes exactly the behavior of the blogger. She was out after an 8 HOUR shopping trip (what critical thing required dragging a toddler out for 8 hours I wonder?). She KNEW the child was tired and hungry and they were pushing their luck. They had a car, the could have gotten food to go (and please give me a break about the dangers of eating and driving, that's stretching so far for a point it's absurd) but the adults WANTED to eat out. So do they stop at the first place they find? No, of course not. They drag a tired toddler around the streets of the city until they find someplace THEY want to eat. They then proceed to get annoyed when their child acts in a perfectly predictable way. They get annoyed at the other diners who have every right to be annoyed by the whining because they had the common sense to NOT drag an overtired child to a restaurant and they punish the child for not meeting completely unrealistic expectations! And then to top it all of she comes on here expecting applause for her clever solution to the problem. If that's not the very picture of what you described then I don't know what is.
Furthermore I have 5 children (so I hope that qualifies me to play). I have in fact pushed my luck with a tired toddler (or right now 2 toddlers so until you've done it with twins....) but I don't blame the child for my own lack of judgment. One of us has to be the adult afterall.
@bubbelcat@xanga -
Well, I suppose we just must have been raised differently.In my house, the adults were the adults. They birthed us, raised us, provided for us. It was our duty to allow them some of the things they wanted, without complaint. They owed us nothing.They were not cruel, just tough. If I was ever forced through dinner out as a fussy toddler (which I know I was, more than once), I certainly don't remember the "trauma" now.apparently if i, or my sister, ever acted like that, my parents would just take us home. no matter the situation. if we were grocery shopping or in a restaurant. if we were using public transportation, we would get off.
but i do think it was inappropriate to bring your child to a restaurant after 8 hours of shopping. you should have just gone home.
If anyone was to call child services for a pinch they'd be crazy... as long as it wasn't a constant thing and it did not leave a bruise.
Everyone has their own ways to treat a situation. It was silly to take your child to a restaurant after 8 days of being out. But at least you didn't just ignore her cries, OR yelled at her and belittled her infront of everyone [I see that all too often].
You didn't do anything wrong in my eyes. It will no affect the baby when she is older. People calm down.