Wednesday, 15 July 2009
-
Baby Promiscuity - Typical 14 Year Old or Out of Line?
I was never a bad kid--one of the "better" ones out there, if you get my drift. Did my chores, performed well in school, was well-mannered, and never got myself into a situation that could bite me in the behind, if you get my drift.
So it was a genuinely shocking experience to hang out with a certain 14-year-old girl yesterday. Traumatizing, actually. If this tells you anything, after I dropped her off at her house I felt the need to wash my hands and blast the local Christian radio station at full volume.
The story is this:
I was asked to include this young lady in my wedding because she (apparently?) looks up to me. I didn't mind asking her to be a Junior Bridesmaid because, to be honest, I really needed a way to have my little brother involved in the wedding, not to mention that I genuinely like this young lady. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. All the other times I've been with her she's been sweet and, if not innocent, very "kid"-minded, if you follow.
Not so much yesterday. When I arrived at her house to pick her up so we could go dress shopping, she was wearing very short shorts (booty shorts!), an extremely relaxed fitting top (without an undershirt), and 5 inch heels. Her makeup, although nicely done, was caked on to the point that she looked way older than her 14 years.
I won't relay every single moment of the day to you, but you know Mean Girls? If you do, you'll remember the dumb blonde that was part of the Plastics--and you'll know exactly what I'm talking about. If not, here's a quote from my junior bridesmaid: "OH MY GOD! So you know I'm a cheerleader, right? Well me and the girls all like to line up in a really long line, like across the hallway, so that people have to go around us. I love it because it makes me feel powerful!"
Cue silence and/or crickets.
But that's not that bad compared to the rest of the conversations we had. During one, I learned that she was dating a 17 year old guy "without actually dating," and had lied to him about her age. When I asked what her mom thought about that, she said that her mom gave the kids time by themselves! My junior bridesmaid then asked me if that was statutory rape--so of course I asked her if she was having sex with this boy, and all I got was a nervous giggle and a slight nod of the head. Cue my parental instincts, of course--"You know that your boyfriend can get into a LOT of trouble, right? PLEASE tell me you're being safe. You REALLY shouldn't be doing that." I'm a huge promoter of abstinence, but when they're already having sex you have to make sure that babies aren't popping out more babies.
At another point, she stripped down to her bra while we were driving--sans tinted windows--down the middle of the freeway. "What are you doing?!" I exclaimed, only to have her not reply and change into an even lower cut shirt with 'REBEL' written across the chest. Thanks, Pac Sun, for that one.
I also happen to know that she wears thongs. She has no problems with stripping down in the middle of the store so she can try on dresses. Oh, and did I mention? I got quite a few looks at her beer belly.
No, not bare belly. BEER belly. That's right. She's been drinking for some time (supposedly), and even shared a story with me about how she was at a party the other day and the guys there were putting alcohol in the drinks. My junior bridesmaid, of course, thought it was hilarious.
Her best friends call her 'ho' and 'bitch', and she thinks that those words are terms of endearment. She likes it when guys find her sexy, and loves to dirty dance. The music she listens to describes sexual acts in scarily clear detail, and she knows more about what sexual slang words mean than Urban Dictionary.
During another conversation, she exclaimed to me that she would never go anywhere alone. I asked why, and she said that she was afraid of being raped. A legitimate concern, of course, but then she continued: "I'm scared I'll be raped because of how I dress." DING DING DING DING! If you know the way you dress will attract bad people, why dress that way? I asked her this, and she told me that she would die if she had to cover herself up.
The grossest thing of all is that her mother loves it. Her mommy thinks that she's the cutest thing to walk the face of the planet, and makes a point of letting everybody know that she is a 'cool mom' and that she lets her children do anything and everything they want.
Maybe I'm too much of a prude, but seriously, guys--I'm only 22. I was her age just a short time ago, and it's really sad to see how different she is from not only me, but all of the people I knew when I was in junior high. What do you think? Is this a typical 14-year-old girl nowadays, or is this out of line?
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to momaroo's Momaroo Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in momaroo's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: freeforming@xanga
- Name: Allison
- About Me: I'm an avid reader and a presumptuous thinker.
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 1 Views: 0 5719 Comments: 0 198 View all posts by freeforming@xanga
Comments (226)
omg. omg omg . i wrote a blog about this like earlier this year about kids like her like that. I dont remember myself being like that when i was 14 , like 4 years ago. But really. I think girls these days are really getting out of hand.
Define "typical". It's not anyone I know, but the media would say she represents every single teen girl in America and most people just follow right along with that. So...she is a skank. There are plenty of 22-year-old skanks too, are they typical of people your age?
It's both! My sister is 12. In her school, in her grade, last year (6th grade), there were TWO girls who were pregnant! 12!
Wow ... that is fairly disconcerting. I won't lie - I read the early part of your post, and thought maybe you were overreacting, but after reading all that ... wow, I'm concerned.
I don't know that you can be of much influence, if this girl's habits are ingrained now, but I'd say try to stick close to her, be a true friend (that may be just what she needs - someone who loves her for her, not for the way she acts or dresses).
Without undercutting her mother, you might be able to get her to think about some things (have the rape conversation in more detail, if she'll talk about it with you).
I don't think you're overreacting at all - I think this is the direct product of society's laissez-faire attitude toward sex, and the "boys/girls will be boys/girls" mentality.
Where have all the parents gone?
Well thats basically what it's turned into. It's "in" to be sexy and open the way she thinks she's doing. Unfortunately that just makes her look ridiculous. Kids will always be doing "adult" things thinking it makes them look mature. However it seems that lately kid's have just been pushing the limit on this.
It's sad but we can't really change it. However what we can change is the way we talk to our kids. Remember to be open with them and they'll probably be open right back.That's a somewhat typical fourteen year old girl. I'm fourteen too, but I think people like that are absolutely disgusting.
My niece is 15, yes she's only 4 years younger than me, dresses more like a hoe than either of my sisters and I. And her mom thinks she's the cutest little thing to walk the face of the Earth. hate her attitude because she treats people like shit, but of course she's the perfect little granddaughter. Though, I have to admit that she doesn't go out and drink or party. At least that I know. She's allowed to drink at home with her parents though. So, maybe it's the "in thing" to do.
Though I wore low cut shirts and thongs when I was 14. I would never have undressed in the middle of a store or anything of the sorts though.
hmmmm,...i don't know if my views will be biased since i was raised in a christian home and basically sheltered for most of my adolescent life. i basically felt the same way you did, and now that i am a mom to a 3 and 1/2 y/o boy, the whole "mom" feelings are screaming out "how can you do this to yourself?" LOL.
well, there was a neighbor who became my best friend when i was about 13-14 and she was about 4 years younger than me. well, her family moved away after a few years, and so did our family, but when i was about 16 i remember her dad inviting me to their new place and i did a weekend trip over there (it was about an hour and a half away). well, she was like 12/13 at the time and the first night i was over there we were talking about random stuff and then she said, "so i have this cousin who thinks she might be pregnant and she's only 12" and the first thing going off in my head is "they can get pregnant that young?" so, i gave my 2 cents,...basically saying how that was an extremely stupid thing to do and how a baby will have to raise a baby, etc. so i get done with my rant, and it's eerily silent. she then talks really quietly and said, "that cousin,...i lied,...it's actually me." wow,...talk about a shocker. well, i asked her what the hell she thought she was doing getting herself into a mess like that and why didn't she use protection, etc. she said that "everyone else is doing it. there's not a kid in my school who isn't a virgin. using protection isn't cool. etc. etc. etc." so, after i left that weekend, i never heard from her again. (her parents were divorced and her dad was splitting custody with her) i never know if she kept the baby or not (i heard she got kicked in the stomach, so i never know if she lost the baby or not). but, how sad that she was led to believe that. i told her she should have been the one that didn't go with the flow like everyone else and that being different doesn't make you a bad person.
i honestly have no clue what to say about the way teens are being raised today. it seems our morals have gone down the tube and nowadays parents are too busy trying to be their son/daughter's friend instead of the authoritive figure. don't get me wrong,...there's nothing wrong with having a friendly relationship with your children...but they need to understand that they are the child and the parent is the parent.
i used to listen to all of that rap/r&b crap that was so sexually explicit. now looking back on those days, i don't know why or how i was able to sing along to that stuff. i'm EXTREMELY vigilant on what i allow my son to watch/hear. I don't even have cable for my tv, and the bunny ears don't work anymore since we switched to the digital thing. i have a tv in my house, but the only thing it works for is the dvd player. he watches bob the builder, disney movies, sprout tv (kids educational tv), nascar, sports, and abc's extreme makeover: home edition. the only music i listen to in the car is country. i'm trying to raise my son to be very courteous and be aware of being polite/using his manners. i'm hoping that he'll be a gentleman that will know how to treat a lady right. i'll do my best...the rest is up to him.
geez, i'm writing a novel here. sorry i went off on a rant. lol.
did i answer your question?
She sounds like a lot of 14 year old girls that I've met. They aren't all like that though, but a lot of them are.
Her way of dressing won´t provoke a sexual aggresion, because rape has absolutely NOTHING to do with sex. It´s about power and dominance really. I don´t dress like her, and I´ve been harassed and groped by fucking degenerates.
But I don´t like the way she dresses. She dresses like a fucking hooker for fuck´s sake. She should be acting like a kid her age (teens ARE still children no matter how grown up they think they are). Later on in her life she will desire to go back to that age when she realizes that she was only wasting her life with that kind of lifestyle and trully regret the fact that she cannot turn back time.
Her conduct is out of line. If she keeps hanging out with the wrong people she´s gonna end up being raped, or worse, even dead. Or end up being another one of the one in four american teenage girls that have a at least one a V.D.
It´s because of people like her that there are one too many abortions in the U.S. Seriously, this wouldn´t happen if every sexually active person who doesn´t want kids used a condom AND was on birth control.
And on top of that, she has a beer belly at 14?!!! If she keeps drowning herself in alcohol, she´s gonna be agonizing with cirrosis by the time she´s 21 (or it could be at a younger age).
OMG! I don't think it is typical of everyone but I do think it is typical of children of parents who want to be cool. I have no intention of being a cool parent. I love my children dearly but I am raising them not trying out for their bff. I want to do everything that I can to raise my children to grow and be productive, contributing members of society. I don't want my children boys or girls to end up in jail, with multiple std's, doing drugs, and thinking that sex is just some causal fling that happens after meeting someone for 5 minutes. In my opinion children don't need to be having sex and if you are 14 you are in fact a child. Also btw I would be informing the 17 yo that he was dating a 14yo. I think that you shouldn't be having sex until you are old enough to have foresight to see potential consequences, hold down a job and afford your own place. Even with the best laid birth control plans unplanned pregnancies can happen. One more thing there is no way in hell I would by those kind of clothes for my children. At 14 I am pretty sure my children won't have jobs so I will be still buying there clothes so I get final say and there is no way my children are going out looking like rape bait or like they are looking for their next customer on the street corner.
I'M ALSO 22 AND GOING TO BE 23 IN 2 1/2 WEEKS AND I WENT THROUGH A LOT DURING MY TEENAGE YEARS BUT THE THINGS THAT 14 YEAR OLD DID WAS NOT ANY OF IT... I STEERED CLEAR OF DRUGS AND ALCOHOL... I DATED BUT THOSE WEREN'T "RELATIONSHIPS" I DIDN'T HAVE A REAL RELATIONSHIP TILL A FEW MONTHS BEFORE I WAS GRADUATING HIGH SCHOOL THE SEX THING... I GOT PEER PRESSURED INTO IT DURING MY FRESHMAN YEAR AND I WAS NAIVE BACK THEN BECAUSE MY PARENTS SHELTERED ME AND I'M GRATEFUL THEY DID OTHERWISE I WOULD BE IN THE SAME POSITION THAT 14 YEAR OLD IS IN SO AFTER BEING PRESSURED TO HAVE SEX I JUST FELT DIRTY AND I VOWED TO MYSELF TO STAY ABSTINENCE TILL I'M OLD ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND THE EMOTIONS WHEN HAVING SEX.. HALF THE SCHOOL I WENT TO WERE DRUGGIES, PROMISCUOUS AND ENDED UP PREGNANT OR EVEN DROPPING OUT AND GETTING ARRESTED.. IT SADDENS ME HOW TEENAGERS TODAY THINK IT'S OKAY TO DRESS THIS CERTAIN WAY KNOWING THAT THE WORLD ISN'T RIGHT OR DOING CERTAIN THINGS WHEN THERE'S SO MANY DISEASES OUT THERE... IN FACT... ONE OF MY CLASSMATES FROM HIGH SCHOOL WAS ON THAT NBC DATELINE SHOW TO CATCH A PREDATOR... BOY WAS I SHOCK TO HAVE SEEN HIM BUT AT THE SAME TIME I WASN'T SURPRISED BECAUSE HE ACTED REALLY PERVERTED TOWARDS ME AND MY FRIENDS WHEN WE WERE STILL HIGH SCHOOL... I LIVE BY MY OLD HIGH SCHOOL AND I CAN'T STAND WHAT IS GOING ON IN THAT SCHOOL IT'S JUST RIDICULOUS TEENAGERS ESPECIALLY THESE FEW YEARS THEY NEED STRUCTURE AND DIRECTION I AM A PSYCHOLOGY MAJOR MOSTLY IN CHILD DEVELOPMENT AND I LEARNED SO MUCH IN COLLEGE AND IF THAT 14 YEAR OLD WAS MY DAUGHTER I WOULD NOT LET HER OUT THE HOUSE LIKE THAT AND IF SHE BEGS TO DIFFER THEN SHE WILL NOT GO OUT AT ALL IT'S EITHER COVER UP OR STAY HOME AND IF SHE GETS PREGNANT I AIN'T TRYNA TAKE CARE OF HER BABY... IF SHE EVER HAS SEX IN MY HOUSE I'M GONNA GIVE HER A WAKE UP CALL AND SCARE HER STRAIGHT BY TEACHING HER LESSON BY SHOWING HER THE REALITY OF SEX FIRSTHAND BY DOING WHAT THE MAURY SHOW DOES BRINGING THOSE WHO HAVE GONE THROUGH THE EXPERIENCE AND LET THEM TELL THEIR STORY TO MY DAUGHTER... IT'S JUST TOO CRAZY TO BE EVEN DOING THOSE TYPES OF THINGS IN THIS WORLD... WELL I HOPE THAT 14 YEAR OLD WILL GET A REALITY CHECK SOON AND REALIZE WHAT PATH SHE'S GOING TOWARDS AND IT'S NOT A PRETTY ONE!
Not the majority of 14 year olds behave like this, but there are a good amount. It's disgusting.
Oh, wow. I'm 14 now, and don't know anyone like this. I'm a "good girl" too, but I don't even know of anyone like this. That's crazy.
I'm 23, and even though I'm married...no kids....i still think that there is no way this is how all 14 year olds should act...she is way out of line. I go to the mall with my husband, and I see girls like that all the time. I don't understand it at all. Her mom needs to get a clue and realize her daughter is going down a very dangerous path, and if she doesn't stop it now, she might be in for a rude awakening.
This behavior seems to be the norm, although that doesn't make it right. I always say that clothes never make the man (or woman or girl in this case), but if your personality and habits also suggest otherwise, then the dress code could be questionable. Perhaps since she looks up to you so much, you should try talking with her. Dont ever accuse or condemn, just make positive suggestions and try to educate her on the topics that she is obviously struggling with.
Unfortunately that seems to be typical of girls these days. My sisters were/are like this from about 13 onwards, even though there's only a few years' distance between us it seems like they're a completely different breed. One is pregnant at 16 and the other dropped out about that age to move in with her boyfriend of 22. It terrifies me to think this is what the world is coming to. I'm reconsidering reproducing; no matter how well one parents, no one can control their child's environment 100% of the time. It also is pretty typical these days for parents to try to be their kids' friends rather than the ADULTS they are supposed to be.
Good luck with your marriage! I'm 22 and recently jumped the broom myself. Anyways, there were plenty of 14 year olds...and younger, doing much of the same thing when I was that age. I never did, I was more innocent than that, but I was no stranger to girls of that nature. It's not every 14 year old, but it's a good deal of them.
I wasn't like that when I was14. Some parents really need to watch what their kids are doin, not endorse it.
Okay, I don't usually care what people do when they're younger. Whatever, you're growing up, you're bound to learn these things at some time. But I'd like to think the mom TRIES to get the kid to practice safe sex and set good examples. I know there are going to be millions of girls just like her but it makes me sad that her mom isn't even trying to encourage a different lifestyle. I plan on being a "cool mom" but seriously this woman is beyond anything I could imagine.
I know a girl EXACTLY like that, even down to the 17-year-old boyfriend. I don't think she has a beer belly, but I never really looked...anyway, it's gross. She makes herself look way older than she is.
I totally disagree with it, because girls like this think they have to look like the media portrays them in order to be pretty. and everyone's having sex, so in order to be pretty and cool, you have to have sex. Oh, and an older boyfriend will make it even better! It's wrong, and those girls need someone to talk to.
*sigh* I'm only 19 but at 14 this was how the trend seemed to be going it just seemed that at the age of 14 the girls who were say 9 were the seeming to already begin this, the urge to act older than you actually are I suppose. Then again I live in little bitty MT (I went to a jr high where the elementary and hs were on the same campus), there was a pregnant 5th grader I believe she was only 11.
sadly it is qute common now. i'm 15 and i live in a tiny tiny little town with a population of only 600, even there, there are several girls who dress like that, act like that, drink like that and sleep around like that. i don't drink, or have sex or show more skin than is nesessary, so sometimes i get called 'saint Helena' (Helena's my name btw) just because i'm not a slut.
i really dislike this culture. i HATE haveing to worry about some of my friends who have sex unsafely and with older men, drink untill they're passed out at least once a fourtnight, take drugs and dress like hookers. i feel like i mother them! and if i go out with them i can't have a single drink or have a good time because if i take my eyes off them, they're suddenly kissing a random or dancing on a table. it's not fair and i'm sick of it.
even if it is 'common' it isn't normal!
i hate girls like that. they make the rest of us look bad
Her behavior is nothing new. There are always going to be girls that run the spectrum of behaviors.