Sunday, 12 July 2009
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Why Do People Think Those Who Don't Want Children Are Selfish?
I was never the kind of girl to want children. I went through a phase when I was 14, but that passed by very quickly. I never had problems with kids - I just didn't want any of my own. My whole life people would say "You will when you are older." "Oh you will someday." "Oh, that is really selfish." "It's not a good idea for selfish people to have children anyway." The latter statement coming from my OWN mother. (Who has 4 children and is actually VERY selfish)
Actually, no. I am not selfish at all. In fact, my reasons for not wanting children are beyond compassionate. I simply don't believe that women should be stuck on having a whole slew of her own children when so many in the world need homes. I don't believe that someone who cannot comfortably provide for her child should have one. I do NOT believe that someone who wants to travel the world and spend a lot of time caring for other people should have children. When you have a baby he or she should be the entire center of your world. Its what humans are made to do - have babies, watch them grow up, then die. Obviously in modern times it isn't that way anymore and that's a GOOD thing. But it is so heartbreaking when people have children for selfish purpose then call someone who doesn't want kids SELFISH.
How many of you don't want children, but still want to help nurture those that hardly have a chance in the world? Do you think that those who do not want children are selfish?
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- From: cutesycharm@xanga
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Comments (143)
I actually want lots of children, but I also want to help other people. I don't think people who don't want children are selfish. I can't even see or understand how that could possibly be selfish. My mother had me obviously but she's still very selfish and never knew how to raise a child.Â
i agree with you 100%.
i've had to deal with this and I was always annoyed that I had to justify not wanting to have children like it's a sin. Theres so many people out there that DON'T deserve to be parents, that don't even realize what it means to be a parent, yet they have kids.I agree and I do not want children either. My reasons are both selfish (certain things such as freedom and money I don't wish to sacrifice for kids) and vain (I don't want stretch marks, my breasts to be ruined, weight gain, etc). I actually have a very unhealty and irrational fear of pregnancy and birth (mainly that it could kill me. There is a small history of still births, miscarriages and even ectopic pregnancies in my family. My main fear is the amniotic fluid will leak into my system and I will die of toxicity)...this is possibly something which would benefit from seeing a therapist, but I refuse cause I'm stubborn.
I remember in high school I would wish for early menopause (I was around 16 then and I'm 24 now). This was not only so the choice would be made for me, but also so I would no longer have periods haha. People tell me I'll grow out of it too, but that just makes me want to prove them wrong. My bf knows my feelings and is fine with them though he wants me to keep an open-mind. I am totally open to adoption though, why should I risk my body (and, in my opinion, life) for a kid when I can adopt and give a child a loving home they deserve? Win-win situation there. lol
I want to punch people in the face when they tell me that "someday you'll want them." I decided nine years ago that I didn't want kids. I have been told that countless times. Then they try to tell me why I'm afraid of having children. Excuse me? This is a personal choice that I really don't have to share with you my reasoning, and I'd appreciate you not undermining my rather self-less decisions with your incorrect reasoning.
I don't want kids because I dislike them, and I have problems with me that can be passed genetically. I'm not screwing up some poor, blameless child just because I want to reproduce. That's not fair to him/her.
@Kait82521@xanga -
Perhaps I should have been more specific? I don't think I said anything about involving any additional medical interventions. I did say that I didn't think it was wrong in wanting to create a child with another person - that's where the genetic component comes in. Why is it that you've seem to have fixated on the notion that people who want to have their own kids, just want a genetic copy? The point I was trying to make is that it ISN'T selfish to want to create a baby/family - depending on the context in which either is discussed, both can be mutual and mutually exclusive as well.
I never said anything about even going into whether anyone wanting to create a child, take the time discussing the genetic components of creating a baby. Yeah I've heard plenty of couples mindlessly talk about finding the strongest match (genetically). There are plenty of people who don't want to admit that they just want a child for selfish reasons.
If you're referring about couples who seek the help of medical professionals to help them conceive a child; then I don't think it's really ever a decision of wanting a child that genetically MATCHES you. I think they're really wanting a child because that's their decision to do so and that they do have love they want to give and more. What about all of the people who say they want to adopt? Is it because they want to have child of their own because they want to give the love they have and then some? Or is it simply because some people just say they want to adopt because there are too many unwanted children in the world? Mind you I'm not saying any of these are bad or good; just a matter of making a point here? There are plenty of women, who at some point go through a pregnancy, says it completes them in some miraculous way. That's them. Is that wrong?
I mean what if everyone decided to stop having kids of their own and everyone just decided to adopt? Removing the idea of over-population or famine and focus on the reasons behind each personal decision? At some point the human race, I think, would be extinct. I think for a lot of people it's in their nature to want to procreate or have a child or be involved with a child.
I'm for adopting seriously. BUT I am also in support of having children of your own. I agree that it all takes time, patience, and hard work. Whatever the case it doesn't dismiss the fact that I really believe that all involved need to be emotionally and mentally and relatively financially healthy. And there needs to be a lot of LOVE.
I could get into trying to psychoanalyze everything everyone's said in here, but I really don't see it necessary. Not here trying to force anyone to see it my way - just trying to give my two cents and maybe provide some perspective.
I think we could all take a second to pause and take in what things have taken place in our lives and really see them for what they are.
I don't think that's selfish at all. My husband and I have two children and could very easily conceive more of our own, but we have decided that we want to adopt children who are already in this world who need a home. Our plan is to adopt two from Haiti.
In my hippy days we championed the concept of ZPG (Zero Population Growth) which stated that a couple should not have more than two offspring. In that way they would be merely replacing themselves and not adding to the problem of world over-population problems.
In these times a person who chooses to not multiply should be lauded not scorned....
I want children, just not right now. And I don't mean that like, oh I'm 19, obviously I will wait a few years. No, I want to wait a long ass time. I want to accomplish lots of things. I am not willing to give up so much of myself yet for the babies I might have. If I had kids now, my life would end. Obviously that is a very selfish statement right there but that's because I am not ready to have kids yet. And who cares? Other teenage girls seem to be poppin' out babies for me anyway.
Cheers girl. Just ignore the people who tell you off.
Personally, I think it is more selfish to bring a child into the world and while raising them, dwell on what could've been. Even if you still pursue your dreams, your conidered "selfish" for not putting your children first.
Wouldnt it be great if everyone decided to not make babies?
Because there are enough accident-babies to keep the population up. Or, even better, let the population decline.
I dont want to make babies, either. Adopt, maybe. But not from another country; charity starts at home!
I don't think anyones not selfish, its their choice, their body, their life. its not like a mans sperm will just jump out of his pants and say "hey bitch, make me a baby already !"
It's perfectly fine to not want kids for whatever reason. It's not my business whether someone wants kids or not. Sometimes I think that it's a shame that many people that are compassionate and intelligent people are not having children and bogans are getting knocked up left, right and centre but that's not a matter of thinking anyone is selfish.
I do despise it when people say 'I don't like kids' though, 'I don't want kids' that's fine, very different. Kids are individuals, you don't dislike a group of individuals just based on their age and when you have a child it doesn't just join the anonymous crowd of kids you hate so much, it's a very different experience. Saying I hate children is like saying I hate old people or I hate people with disabilities. To say any of those things I think does display character flaws.
@ThingsYouDontKnowAboutMe@xanga - This would be perfect, actually, but Americans don't like being told what to do. Even when it's probably the best thing.
I don't want children either. My family is pretty good about leaving the topic alone, but the ladies I work with won't stop. They can't believe I don't want kids and warn me about all the horrible feelings I will experience down the road when I am old and alone. Of course, I don't like hearing those things.....but does that mean I'm going to rush out and have a child JUST IN CASE these people are right? C'mon! I'm almost 35 and if I were going to change my mind about kids, I would have done so by now!
I have same thought and when I found your post, I really thought, "whoa, it's not just me. I'm surprised."
Well, I don't want to have kids. Same for reasons: I can't understand why people made new ones (babies) everyday while you could find homeless, orphan ones. It's kind of useless: you have a lot but you want to have a new one. Earth is too much crowded anyway. Besides, what's the point of having babies? Passing your genetics? They will have their own... besides, what do you want to accomplish by doing that? There are too much orphans here and everywhere... not to mention unhappy stressed child because their parents' goal (yeah, like that passing their genetic, inherit their work, make their dream come true or whatever). Well, at least people haven't throw that kind of comment to me, although yes, they can't understand my way of thinking.
Don't worry about it too much, you're not alone thinking this way. Tell them to mind their own business. Well, or ask why they have one anyway. I want to know :)
Speaking of which, I do remember in my country, there were parents
selling their children to get some money (in my country, you wouldn't
get welfare for having one).
it's sad that women are still being pressured to have children. this isn't the 50's anymore, we're allowed to have more purposes than wife and mother!
but i hate it when people say that women who have their own children or more than 2 kids are selfish/ignorant because there are so many babies in the world that need adopted. people don't take into consideration that having your own kids is expensive enough, adoption is much more expensive, along with possible travel fees (especially to another country) and is a very extensive process. (in malawi, you have to live there for six months before you can adopt a child.) it's not for everyone, just like natural birth.
I don't want to have children but I love kids. My parents didn't properly take care of me. Why did they have me if they don't care and love me? I hate the fact that my mom keeps telling that "If it weren't for you we would have divorced already". So does that mean I was born to keep you n dad from divorcing? It feels like it's my fault that they always argue and don't want to divorce.