That picture... is how I personally view marriage. Then again, I am commitment-phobic, and have no idea how to make it work successfully (but I'm not married, thankfully.) I think people go into marriage idealistically and then end up seeing the reality of the situation ... hence the high divorce rate. I think most people (myself included) are clueless as to how to make it work... and so they bail. I'm inclined to believe that marriage is Hard Work - and most people are too lazy to keep at it. I'm not afraid of that part - I'm afraid of trying to Work Hard with the "wrong" person. This is what keeps me from actively pursuing it ... and pictures like this accurately sum up my fears.

I believe that marriage is something that you shouldn't enter unless you know what it is you're getting into, and that's a LIFE LONG commitment to one other person.  My husband and I have been through hell and we are still going.  The key is to never fall out of love at the same time.

I would say the above picture is a good rendition of reality if I had 4 under the age of 3 (looks like a 2 year old, a 1 year old and twin babies to me).  :)

But seriously, yes, if your idea of reality is based on a fairy tale, you will be sorely disappointed rather quickly.  Knowing that life isn't like that makes it easier to handle.  I think that perception is a huge factor to happiness. 

The above photo definitey rings true in my house! Thankfully no kids yet, but with as bad is it is with just a dog, maybe there won't be... Men end up with a mindset that their work ends when they come home, whereas we're stuck working til we sleep and then having nightmares that we're still working! 

As for when the marriage becomes unsalvageable, I think there is always still time to work on it as long as there's still any bit of love left. My mother gave me the most straightforward advice during one of my rough spots: "Can you imagine living your life, never seeing or thinking about him ever again?" Nope. "Then I guess you'll just have to learn to live with him."

how can you save a marriage when one person has checked out, totally done with the relationship? but keeping the marriage alive is hard work and nothing easy....it's never 50/50 but someone always gives in more.

Somehow that picture reminds me of an Asian family, where the husband does nothing and the wife takes care of every single thing...

And I don't believe in fairy tales either, they are just too good to be true, or at least for me to believe in them anymore.But I do believe that marriage can last long, but only when you and your partner truly love eachother... But I don't pay much attention to marriage. What's the point of marriage anyway?

Well, my marriage is relatively young (five years) but we dated for five before getting married.  I think the fairy tale ideal isn't the only thing to blame for misconceptions of what being married is.  I happen to know a lot of women and men who take for granted that they are "supposed" to be respected and loved just because they live and breath.  The most important thing I've discovered in my marriage is to be grateful for the little things my husband does-and to tell him that.  "Thanks for taking out the trash honey, it really helped me out".  And to always tell him I love him, even when I'm mad.  And when he does the same for me, I know it's coming from a place of love.

And it's not easy.  I never wanted to be a homemaker-but I am now, and I do it for the love of my family.  It helps when my husband comes home and tells me "thank you for having dinner ready for me-it smells great".  And seriously?  Knowing that he's as grateful for me as I am for him makes him so much sexier to me.  (well, on top of what a great dad he is!  And yes, I know how lucky I am-and I tell him all the time.)

That's it.  Be grateful for each other, and let each other know that you are.

Every marriage is different, whether the picture rings true or not would be up to you personally.

I think if you're going to make the commitment of marriage, it'd be a good thing to try and keep it, otherwise you're just wasting your time.

I feel like people encourage the extremes in marriage - either they show it as SOOOO good or completely bad and really, it's rarely one or the other. My parents got married after less than three months together and have been married thirty years. My husband and I have been married four years. In both our marriages there are ebbs and flows but for the most part, life stays steady at an even keel of loving one another and going about our lives.

I think people either get married expecting it to fulfill some part of themselves or to fix something that's wrong in their lives. Those aren't reasons to get married. Unless you can fully trust your partner and feel complete in and of yourself, you're going to struggle in your marriage.

It's not an easy thing, being attached to someone like that for the long term. But it's a beautiful thing when you can make it work.

@Loonsounds@xanga - Well said.

Also, this picture is funny (not comical, but interesting) to me, because I see so many women in the same situation. If your husband is an equal partner and respects you and the role of parenthood, by all means, crank out the babies like there's no tomorrow. But so many women I see with 4 kids under the age of 5, hanging all over the cart at Wal-mart, running around at their feet look exhausterd, overwhelmed and regretful. I've said this on another topic and I'll say it again: I really wish women would look past the cute, newborn phase and try to see the future of raising that many children. When you're too busy trying to get pregnant over an over again, and you're saddled toddlers of varying ages and varying personalities, it is indeed a nightmare. I'm not sure where this fantasy came from that having a baby on each hip and one holding onto each leg was cute, fun, or relaxing. Movies like "Cheaper by the Dozen" have a lot of people fooled.

Look, my maternal grandmother ws one of 13. My paternal grandfather was one of 18. Neither of them came from wealthy families. It's almost impossible to even "get by" when you have a family that big. Why put the unnecessary stress on yourself?

I'm in the group that questions davidmiya's logic... If one party has completely checked out and the other is still clinging, well...there's a "stalker" line that gets crossed somewhere in there. At some point it's just stupid to keep holding out hope of reconciling when the other person has moved on...you're only hindering yourself.

The fantasy that I take away from the photo is that so many hear the fairytale, "And they lived happily ever after." without taking into account that the everyday isn't going to be a big adventure. My generation watches too much TV. Movies and shows; fiction and "reality", that only contain the "juicy" parts. And they seem to forget that that is NOT an accurate portrayal of real life, which involves cleaning and cooking and long, boring days at work and paying bills and taking the dog for a walk more than once in the three-month timespan that Lifetime movie just covered.

I've been divorced. After three years, a house and dogs (thankfully, no children), my beloved hubby grew bored with our life. We went to work, came home, cooked, ate, watched a movie or tv show, fooled around and went to sleep just to do it all over again the next day. I was content. But? He didn't really know what he wanted out of life, even though he thought he did when I married him...and it turned out that he wanted drama that I hadn't signed up for. The string of women that he's dated before (hence that whole "irretrievably broken" bit) and since the split have been proof of that... One came to visit, completely ignored him the whole time and then dumped him for someone that was his (physical- I have no idea about personality) polar opposite. Another had some sob story about why she was loosing her housing, moved in with him a VERY short while after they began dating, proved to be utterly crazy and then camped outside of his door for 24 hours after he kicked her out. The current one is, publicly, into some sort of dominatrix thing. (...and I'm seriously questioning whether it's a good idea to try to maintain friendships with people whom are also friends with the ex. While it's morbidly entertaining...ehh...) You could make a freakin' movie out of it.

And that may sound like I'm trying to pin all the world's problems on cable, but I'm really not. We're the ones that need the reailty check; to remember that fairy tales are just that: stories that are not reflective of real life.

@averyswife@xanga - Nicely put with the selfishness part.

 It's not marriage that ruins people, people are already screwed up when they get in to the relationship and formilize it. The "married" title gets the stigma cause it becomes a clear example of how humans fail at simply being humans. But take a look at all your other relationships: friendships, your parents, children,people at work, strangers, etc etc. Are they all looking just as great?