Thursday, 02 July 2009
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Would You Lie to a Child for Her Own Good?
There was a plane crash in Africa a few days ago, and the only survivor so far is a teenage girl who hung on to wreckage for 13 hours before a boat found her. What struck me about this story was one sentence, stating when the girl asked about her mother, who was traveling on the plane with her, her uncle told her the mother was in the room next door at the hospital.
The truth is, her mother has not yet been found, and is probably dead. On one hand, I can see why someone would want to give a young girl a false sense of security. On the other hand, I'm bothered he told such a bold-faced lie, even if he thought it was for her own good.
If he was going to lie, maybe he could have said something along the lines of "your mother hasn't been found yet but the Coast Guard is still searching for more survivors." Something overly optimistic but not technically a lie, since the girl will obviously find out about it soon enough.
Do you agree with his decision to lie to the girl? Would you rather know the truth or be lied to "for your own good?"
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Comments (55)
@highxtops@xanga - t's the difference between birthdays/mints & security?
I don't think she should have been told right in that moment that her mother was dead. However, being told that her mother was next door was not a good idea I don't think.
@a12906@xanga - lying to someone about the amount of mints you took or forgetting their birthday is a lot less emotionally threatening (for most people anyway) than lying to them about the life of their mother.
@highxtops@xanga - don't get me wrong i don't think lying is a good alternative at all in any situation even if it's as minuscule as mints
@youngerthanthatnow@xanga - sorry :/ wrong reply
@Kait82521@xanga - Exactly what I said - as harsh as it sounds. The girl has been through so much trauma! She does not need to worry or stress about one more thing.
I'd rather be told the truth, and tell the truth.
Hard to say. Children, along with adults need that sense of security.
yeah that was a bit much. if it were my uncle i'd never forgive him.
Not about this. I would lie if, for example, she might have cancer or something. Say she has to go for a test to find out if she has cancer...I wouldn't say, "You have to do this because you might have a terminal disease that could kill you and will make you suffer through something called chemotherapy which makes you very sick and weak". I would say, "You need to do this because the doctor needs to look inside you, which he can't do otherwise. It's okay." Until I knew for certain she was ill. There's no reason to stress a kid that much. But in the death of a parent...no, don't lie. My mom told me straight out, and it was the best thing.
Do you agree with his decision to lie to the girl? Would you rather know the truth or be lied to "for your own good?"
No, I really do not... When things happen to kids like that, they grow up REALLY fast.. I think that the uncle should have told the girl what happened and told her that they are not sure where her mom is. She is going to hurt, she is going to go through pain, but at least she can get on with it and start the healing process instead of making her wait and wait on false hope.
I'd rather know the truth. I'm boldly truthful with others; i expect the same.
sometimes it's fine to tell a lie, honestly. everyone had their dog go to the farm, no? hahah. but in this case... if it were me and i were told that... i'd then ask to go see her... what happens when this girl does? you lie again and say she didn't wake up last night? some stuff you just can't lie about. she's going to find out that that wasn't true.
I speak from first-hand experience: The truth is always the best. Lying to a child might work for the time being, but once the truth is exposed, the pain that follows is really far worse than being told the truth in the first place. If you don't want your child to be hurt, then it's best to bring out the truth in such a way that allows your child to accept it wholeheartedly. Be gentle, compassionate, and understanding, but don't bother trying to hide anything. It hurts way more later.
See, it depends, though. I think I would've wanted to believe in Santa a lot longer, but if something happened to a close family member, I'd want to know about that immediately.
lying to a "child" would be alright, as long as the lie wasn't anything too drastic. but the girl in question is clearly not a "child" anymore. as a teenager, she deserves to know the truth; it's not like she hasn't been exposed to the possibility of death before.
I really don't believe that a lie is ever truly for someone's own good. Withholding unnecessary details, perhaps. But never a blatant lie.
oh man, this is terrible. i think i'd want to give the girl some hope, but not tell her outright that her mom's alive. because when she finds out that she's (probably) not, it'll be all the more devastating.
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I don't think anyone should ever lie no matter what the situation is.
I dont think you should have lied in the story that was given .
I don't think he should have told her that. 1) Lying is wicked. It's even included in the Ten Commandments. 2) She'll have to know sooner or later anyway. Don't give the poor kid false hope. If you have to say something, say something like, "They still haven't found her."
lying to a child is never for their own good, because one day they will find out the truth and not trust you anymore. especially about something as serious as whether or not your mother is alive. IT MATTERS
i would rather know the truth and be sad about it than find out later that someone lied to me. i don't know. just my opinion. even if i was a kid.
I disagree with that decision entirely.
in this situation, i think i would lie. optimism has proven helpful for you health too many times to risk it...
Pardon me.. I wouldn't lie if the truth is the Coast Guard not found her mother. But if it's true, I guess I probably told her when she was already. Thank you.
my best regards
Bang Del