Thursday, 02 July 2009
-
Would You Lie to a Child for Her Own Good?
There was a plane crash in Africa a few days ago, and the only survivor so far is a teenage girl who hung on to wreckage for 13 hours before a boat found her. What struck me about this story was one sentence, stating when the girl asked about her mother, who was traveling on the plane with her, her uncle told her the mother was in the room next door at the hospital.
The truth is, her mother has not yet been found, and is probably dead. On one hand, I can see why someone would want to give a young girl a false sense of security. On the other hand, I'm bothered he told such a bold-faced lie, even if he thought it was for her own good.
If he was going to lie, maybe he could have said something along the lines of "your mother hasn't been found yet but the Coast Guard is still searching for more survivors." Something overly optimistic but not technically a lie, since the girl will obviously find out about it soon enough.
Do you agree with his decision to lie to the girl? Would you rather know the truth or be lied to "for your own good?"
-
recommend
- recs 0
-
share
-
email
- sent 0
Related Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to momaroo's Momaroo Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in momaroo's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
Comments (55)
I can see people telling little white lies, but thats harsh. no one needs a flase sense of relief. :whateva:
That really depends...
Do we have more details?
wow, i thought this would be about little lies, like why you have to hold mommy's hand in the parking lot, not something serious like, "you're mom's not dead" when she is. this is sad :`(
No I do not agree with his lie. It's okay to soften the truth "They're looking for her now." but a blatant lie? "She's in the other room" ???? The hell? How is she supposed to feel after. That was NOT for her own good.
Santa Claus? Yes. Tooth Fairy? Sure thing. Stranger Danger (100% of the time, being the lie...)? Okay.
Your mother survived the crash and is recovering just like you? No, sorry, I'm out on that one.
It's not for this girl's own good to lie to her like that. What are you going to have to tell her when she's ready to check out of the hospital and still hasn't seen her mother? "Oh, she went into cardiac arrest, died, was taken away and disposed of already, all after doctors said she'd made a full recovery"? No way, Jose.
Oh the tangled webs we weave...
I know that when I read that yesterday, it really bothered me that they would lie to her that way. I would like to think I wouldn't do that, but I'm not there so I don't know the whole situation....
It's not a very smart idea as she'll inevitably find out the truth, but I can understand if he panicked.
In the scenario that you gave, no especially at 13. I would have never told her she was in the next room. I would have told her they haven't found her yet.
I guess I'm going against the pack here but heck yes I would lie to her. The girl is traumatized and needs something to hold on to for a reason to recover. Let her live in the belief that there is hope for her family to be reunited and tell her the truth later, when she's not suffering from so much other trauma.
no not a 13 year old. I would do what you said. " You mom has not been found, but we are going to do everything that we can do find her"
No that is NOT okay. Thats more on the messed up side.
That's a hard one. I mean, you hear all the time about people who have been severely injured, and when they hear that a loved one is dead, they give up the will to live. That's probably what the uncle was trying to do.
I don't think it's a good idea to lie about something like that. When the truth does come out, she will feel even more guilt, pain and I'm sure anger as well.
No. Just be vague until the truth is appropriate or can be accepted.
What they said was even more cruel than blurting out
the whole truth before she was ready to hear it.
At the most, just tell the child "we are looking for your mom".
To lie that "she's okay and in the next room"...well, that's just really messed up.
@Blogging_Friends@xanga - If I was a kid, I want to be told the truth with a LITTLE bit of optimism. At least, I can ask questions and get a chance to be patient. If you tell a child they are next door, they are going to want to run up in there and check.
It might depend on the situation. If the girl was in critical condition, hearing that her mother's probably dead might be too much of a shock, like what @storyofmylife87@xanga said. I'm guessing he wanted to wait until she was physically more recovered before telling her.
What do you tell her when she's better btw you're moms dead? I figure tell her in the beginning and tell her she was blessed.
I think its a pretty complicated situation... I think that he did what he thought best for their particular situation. Is it right? I dont know. But sometimes a seroius blow like that could hurt the girls recovery too. I think she will be better able to deal with the facts when she gets better.
first off, that girl doesnt look 13 haha.
but 13 is old enough for the truth, or at least a softer version of it.
I think such a bold faced lie is bad. This sounds like a movie, the uncle is like her only family left, he lies to her, she finds out his lie, and then hates him. Family is one thing that hits home when lied about, and ESPECIALLY death. That was a dumb move on the uncle's part. He should have said something like, "They are still searching for your mother." Technically, it wouldn't be lying.
it's practically NEVER for a child's good to lie to them for any reason. children need to know they can trust the adults who are taking care of them. he didn't need to tell her she was in the other room. he should have said something like, "they're still looking for your mom. wherever she is, i know she's thinking about you and wanting you to get better soon." i think we do children a great disservice by making them think everything has to be ok and safe and sterile and happy all the time in order for them to be ok. because when they find out the real world's not like that, they're going to hate us for not preparing them better. the fact is that bad things happen. life isn't always sweet. it's our job to help them experience the big, scary, wide world and put it in a context where they can learn how to deal with it and not break down when life doesn't go as well as they'd hoped.
that's my rant for the day.
:)
@fueledbylaura@xanga - & where do we draw the line between white & black lies?
@highxtops@xanga - & where do we draw the line between bold & shy? or boldness of that level & boldness of a lesser level?
@a12906@xanga - A lesser lie is forgetting someone's birthday and telling them you left your present at home, or telling someone you took one of their pocket mints when you really took two. I think the specific lie that this man told is too much, if that makes sense. Lying to a young girl (she's fourteen so she should understand to be somewhat realistic in this situation), especially about her mother, is not something to keep a secret. Not only did he lie and say her mother is a survivor, which we don't know, but he also said she's in the next room....giving her a false sense of security. Personally I think a false sense is worse than no sense of security in the long run. She's obviously going to want to see her. What happens when she finds out that her mother is still missing and possibly dead?
I don't really know how to explain this in the right words without talking face to face and using hand motions :)
did i get my point across?
@follow_home@xanga - yes!! that's exactly what I mean :)