Monday, 29 June 2009

• The Way The Ball Bounces

  
  

  
  There was once a wise woman traveling in the mountains who found a precious stone in a stream. The next day she met another traveler who was hungry, and she opened her bag to share her food. The hungry traveler saw the precious stone and asked if she might give it to him. She did so without hesitation. The traveler left, rejoicing in his good fortune. He knew the stone was worth enough to give him security for a lifetime, but a few days later he came back to return the stone to the woman who had given it to him. "I've been thinking," he said, "I know how valuable the stone is, but I'm giving it back in the hope that you can give me something much more precious. I want you to give me what you have within you that enabled you to give me the stone. "— Author Unknown  

     "Mom!"

     "I'm in the kitchen."  It's summer.  Where else would I be.  As soon as one meal is over and done and things picked up, it's time for a snack or lunch or another snack.

     "Mom.  Hoops has my bouncy ball and won't give it to me."

     "Did he take it from you Miss A?"

     "No! I lost it, and he found it ,and now he's playing with it and I want it now!"

     "Wow Miss A.  Slow down a minute.  Did you know you wanted to play with it before you saw him with it?" This question threw her off for a moment, but she came back ready to rumble.
  

     "Mom!  Listen.  It's mine and he never asked."

     "Did he know it was your personal bouncy ball?"

     "He does now, cause I just told him."

     "Did he take it from your room."

     "I don't know where he found it.  Aren't you listening to me?  HE HAS MY BALL!"

     Now if you don't have children, you need to understand that when you have more than one child this sort of thing goes on a lot.  Now you might just make some notes so you don't freak out when it happens every ten minutes when the children hit different developmental ages of patience, kindness, use of ones words, or all of the above. 

    Someday's it takes several deep breaths in order for me to not ruin a learning opportunity for the kids.  You see there is some foggy grey lines in the parenting manual about how to handle this type of situation.  Did Hoops know it was her bouncy ball?  She thinks so, because Miss A "remembers everything that's hers."  Well guess what?  Hoops doesn't keep a list of her stuff especially when he has just discovered it in the bushes in the backyard. 

    "Miss A. Have you considered letting him play with it.  Maybe you could thank him for finding it, then tell him you'd really like it back when he's done."

    "But I want it and he has it.  Mom he has a collection of bouncy balls.  Why does he have to play with mine?"  I give. Good question. 

    "Honey that's a good question.  I would appreciate it if you could let me help you understand. Let's go find Hoops."

     I could go on and on, but you get the picture.  On these sometimes daily, moment by moment occurrences I find myself at times flailing to keep my calm, while I sort out human conditions.  I know we visit "common courtesy" often. Other times I just have to explain that there are things we are flexible about in this world.  We learn to be understanding and giving and kind to our family and others.  We learn to look beyond our needs and see the joy that came to another for finding the treasure of fun in a bouncy ball that did not belong to them and was lost and then found.

     I remember when Katrina hit and I asked the kids to look through all their stuffed animals.  You know the ones that they keep on their beds and they don't play with very much, but they love them and don't want to part with them.  Grandma's sent many over the years as they are long distance Grandma's.  They looked brand new.

     "Those kids have nothing to hug right now, I explained to my kids.  How would you feel if you had no dolls to hug or cats to pet or bears to toss around?"

     "I'd feel sad, but Mom if I sold them I could make some money and you want me to just give them away."

     "I want you to share your joy.  I want you to imagine that you woke up this morning after being taken from your house because of a really bad storm and all your things were gone.  What do you want to do for those children knowing that?"

     They cleaned out their rooms and had a huge box full when they were finished.  I was surprised at some of their picks.  They gave some of their favorites and never said another thing about me making them do it. I had left the choice up to them.

     Hoops did bring it up about a week ago. He was telling the neighbor kid about how he knew that somewhere there was a kid like him that had a favorite toy that he loved. 

     "I bet he could feel the love I gave it and he felt better."

     Okay! Someone needs to add that to the manual.

      Let's get out there and be good humans.  Have a great day!

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