Wednesday, 24 June 2009
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Show Me Yours... (That Thing Between Your Legs)
My 6 year old daughter was caught playing "show me yours" at school. We sat her down and told her that it is okay to be curious about the human body and differences between boys and girls. We explained that she should ask us and we will talk about it, but she is not allowed to go to school and tell little boys to pull their pants down. We went into great detail of why this is wrong. The very next week She did it AGAIN! I have never in my life been in the Principal's office so much.
I know it is normal for children her age to be curious about the body, but what can I do? Obviously it is time to have the "birds and bees" talk with her so I ordered a book for children. It explains the difference between boys and girls and how babies are made. My main problem is that it briefly talks about Masturbation..... I really don't feel like I can talk to my 6 year old about that. I mean .... She's 6. She isn't 13 or 15 or 23.
How did you have "THE TALK" with your kids, and how old were they? Did you mention Masturbation?
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- From: bravehsgirl@xanga
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Comments (75)
LOL aw
the only time my mom ever mentioned masturbation was saying that it was something that guy's did. I didn't know about it til I was in my late teens.
lol i had the discovery channel and HBO...i figured it out when i was 8...
as for the masturbation part...thats something iffy cuz theres that psuedo maturity factor thats a touchy subject,
I wouldn't bother explaining masturbation. Just tell her boys pee standing and girls sit to go to the bathroom and that whatever she's doing is against the rules and her parents will be upset, as well as the principal. Let her know that her "show me down under" game is worse than sticking your tongue at someone. No one will want to play with her if she is not nice.
The first time I recall hearing about male and female differences was asking my mom if she goes poo poo all the time, since the toilet seat was always down. I learned about sex on my own through movies (Top Gun).
I think having a "let's sit down and let me tell you all about sex" talk at the age of 6 is not a good idea. I don't even think it is a good idea to have one big sit down talk at any age. I think things should be talked about as they are brought up, as situations arise. You situation has nothing to do with sex. She is curious. You need to explain privacy to her and tell her that it is not just her privacy but the privacy of the other person. On top of that I agree with the statement above. Remind her that she is breaking school rules and home rules and if she does it again there will be severe consequences. Explain what those consequences will be, making it something that will make an impact on her which is different for every child. Some behavior is inappropriate and your child needs to learn that this is one of those inappropriate behaviors. At 6 years old, it is NOT about sex!
she is a little young to be asking stuff like that now isn't it?
wow.. um no i havent.. and please tell me im not going to have to explain materbation. Although my almost 4 year old does touch herself (supposively this is normal???!!!) so we tell her that its ok to touch yourself as long as your in your room by yourself door closed.. anyway.. so she always replies back to me.. and you can do it to mama if you want. or something simular.. ugh!
I started masturbating when I was like 11 or 12 and I think I might have been on the younger end of the appropriate scale of when kids start doing it, so maybe around that age is when you should talk to her about it?
But yea, I think you're doing well. You've understood that she's become curious and have taken the responsibility to teach her the basics. Good momma!
I started masturbating when I was ten. I was scared of what happened and how my body felt. I was ashamed that it felt good to me... I didn't understand. I think kids should know... you don't have to go into detail, but still.
I think 6 is a little young. My mom didn't talk to me about sex until I was 9.
I masturbated a little when I was 5. My parents told me to stop or else I would mess that part of me up, and it kind of convinced me.
I wasn't taught about masturbation. I figured it out on my own when I was about 11, but didn't know what it was till I was 13. I wouldn't bring it up with a 6 year old girl, but maybe with a boy since they seem to figure it out earlier. My daughter doesn't talk yet, so I haven't had to deal with it. I'm not sure when I'll talk to her about it. I guess my strategy will be to have an open relationship with her and answer her questions as they come up. I doubt that I will use a book.
Woah. I never even thought about a book for kids would mention masturbation. I don't remember when I learned about it, but it certainly wasn't when my mother gave me "the talk," and it wasn't in the kids' book my mother gave me when I was a kid (haha). I was much older. I would think that unless there's a reason to bring that up so early, the talk on masturbation can definitely wait.
I don't understand why no one on here understands that this is not about sex. It is about a 6 year old being curious. Why bring sex and masturbation into a discussion with a little girl that should be about privacy, hers and that of others, and appropriate and inappropriate behavior and even following rules? What is wrong with everyone that you have to automatically jump to a discussion of sex and masturbation? This is ridiculous!
Geez, you don't need to tell your 6 year old about masturbation. At that age, she's just curious. Tell her that anything her bathing suit covers is not appropriate to show at school (or anywhere else) and that if she has questions she should ask you about it. Start a dialogue with your child. There's no point in having one big talk at one age because they're always going to have questions. Besides what you tell her now she's probably not going to remember next week. Just answer her questions in a way she can understand and make sure that you don't make her feel uncomfortable coming to talk to you. The best thing my mom ever did was keep answering my questions through the years, now if I ever have questions about something like that (or anything else for that matter) I know I can go to my mom.
I'd suggest tearing out the part about masturbation, or blacking it out...
That's definitely not something you want a 6-year-old to be at all curious about.
D:
Is there anyone besides me who believes that a 6 year old that is interested in looking and showing private body parts is NOT also interested in sex or masturbation? Just because your mind goes right to sex it does not follow that the mind of a 6 year old is thinking about sex or even has any questions...other than "mommy why does little Johnny have that funny looking thing between his legs and I don't?" Come on people! Common sense in this country is DEAD!
I started touching myself at like 5. I didn't know what I was doing, or really why I did it. I also had a recurring nightmare (that finally stopped about a year or so ago) of me being raped since that age, too. My mom and grandpa tell me when I was 2 I'd sit on the hump on the floor in the backseat when the car was on and/or driving and they'd ask why I sat down there, I said, "Cuz it feels good."
So maybe the masterbation isn't too young...but I'd really just talk about what's going on right now-your daughter showing her body and seeing others...leave the sex and masterbation talks for when she asks.
@sugartomyhoney@xanga - Yay! I agree!! It's not about sex, it's about curiosity. *PURE* and simple. She needs to be taught about respecting the privacy of others. What body parts are private and ... The only place where sex comes into it at this point is that it's a safety issue for her, too! If she doesn't respect that certain parts are private, she is vulnerable to others who would exploit that innocence in her. I am *TOTALLY* with you on this one.
The "sex" talk should be an ongoing informative thing, not a sit-down-and-tell-you-all-about-it thing. As is age appropriate, when the situation arises, with no sense of abnormality about it. It's just what it is. No need to get all up at arms and worried and nervous. We never used a book about it with my kids. When they saw our birds (or other animals) mating, and asked what they were doing, we used it as an opportunity to explain how babies are made. No biggie. My daughter was six. She said, "You mean people do that too?" I said, "Yes, people do it too." she said, "You and daddy do that?" I said, "Yes..." and she said, "Can I watch?" I just about doubled over laughing inside, but held it in. I mean -- for heaven's sake: It was just simple, pure, natural curiosity, It wasn't sick! She didn't know any better! I just said, "No, when people do it, that's private." and that was totally sufficient for her. If you're all bent out of shape about it, your children will be bent out of shape about it. Teach respect and privacy and following the rules first. The rest? Yeesh. Don't make it into a scandal. Go with the flow!
@neverdie373@xanga - You totally got it on the nose. That's exactly how and why it should be handled the way your mom did. That's how my mom handled it, and that's how I did, too.
I remember my 2 year old baby cousin, Pelon, would masturbate and I would scorn him but still did it. As a suggestion to your kid do not show the book she would be curious if itll match the picture to the real thing, please dont dont dont I'm telling you just tell her (and dont say it passively either) you dont ever show your privates ever again or to others being that I'm Latina (bring it on liberal mommas) I was raised in order to correct my behavior I got scorned by being hit not to the point that I was black and blue like hick families but a hard tap in the arm or a wack in the back and that sure did correct my behavior nor do I want your child to tell miss Jones "my mom hit me" but shes too young for the bees and the birds talk 6 is way too young and showing pictures are not going to be that better children are at a very impressionable age, likewise as teenagers.
I've known about sex since I can remember, so I'm guessing I was about 5. I asked questions all the time and my parents told me the truth.
I think it's brilliant that you're getting a book for her. I think as long as you regard it as a serious topic and don't be embaressed then you can still talk about masturbation - but don't go into too much detail. I think children should know about sex from an earlier age as they are more prepared for high school and they know to come to their parents for help.
Zee.
Lemme be the first to say.. I don't have kids. I do have lots that don't belong to me, though. I was also never formally taught about these things.. but I also wasn't a kid that anyone had to tiptoe around.
I never was overly mature but I could always handle big concepts.. so people just told me the truth; Santa isn't real.. so when the economy's bad I get Target gift cards. White people are different looking than me but fundamentally the same. I have a penis. It is where I pee. It is also what I use to have sex. Those things.
Some kids can't handle the truth.. but even an edited truth serves a modern kid better than sugar coding and storybook explanations. They're gonna grow up fast and jetset and into a world with an evermore steep learning curve, especially on social subjects like sex.. and you want them not to be behind or.. delusioned to any degree about them.
You tell them the truth, as needed. Your first mistake is calling on a book to do it. I think you should .. not use that.. and only answer what she has questions about.
When it comes time that kids start playing that, it's probably after they've sufficiently explored their curiousness about themselves. That's the way Sigmund Freud says the obsession goes, anyway.
What you do is tell them the truth, and the whole truth as needed. They're gonna find out soon from the world around them anyway.. so sugar coding and books aren't the weapons of choice here.
She's 6..so she doesn't need to know about STDs and.. sexual deviance.. or even masturbation. She just needs to know about the difference in little boys and little girls.. and a brief bit of what they do.
You almost don't want to even tell her things like.. "this is how babies are made".. or.."sex is what people do when they love eachother".. cuz those can backfire into more trouble SO easily.. the minute she gets it in her head that she can proposition some boy she really likes at school (where its easy for anyone young.. even ten years her senior.. to call anything love)... ... in order to make her very own babydoll (which.. is her current view of babies). Imagine the calls you'd get THEN!
When she gets older, as the information becomes of consequence to have.. and when she's had more experience and generated more questions from it.. you tell her more. Tell her about STDs and.. pregnancies and.. all the other cool things she doesn't want happening and therefore translate into reasons not to let boys near her vagina... or any of her private parts, for that matter.
If you really want to get the point across in a productive, minimally
consequential way, to a kid her age, though... gross them out!
Tell her....He has a penis. You have a vagina; This is how you pee comes out.
See if she ever wants to play "show me yours" again, ..or get touchy, after that :).
As a commenter above said, she should learn things as they come up. She only wants to know the difference between girls' and boys' bodies, it strikes me as a little early to be talkin' sex... and even earlier for masturbation. Gosh, I found out (accidentally, against my will!) what masturbation was at the age of 16! And I still didn't need to know. Of course, it depends on lots of factors... Anyways, I don't think teaching her about masturbation at such a young age is necessary; I'm a bit surprised to read people started it at ages 5+ O___O but hey... And I don't think you need to give her the birds and the bees talk, either. Just explain, like someone above said, that boys' down-unders are different, and that she shouldn't be asking boys to show them to her, as would she like a boy to ask her to pull her pants down for him? Let her know the beauty of privacy.
I was like 9 when my mom just randomly started giving me that talk. haha
It's actually all in Psychology. Have you ever heard of the developmental stages of Erik Erikson? And Piaget? I learned this in my NURS 299 class. Your child is actually showing "normal" signs for her age. She's going to be curious and masturbation is actually a healthy thing. There's nothing wrong with that. Ask my professor who is also a nurse practitioner. Kids are bound to be curious with their body, and especially the opposite sex's body. I agree though, what she's doing is wrong but keep disciplining her and telling her it upsets you.